


Revelations

by brittishmenorbust



Category: Marvel, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgard, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hate to Love, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Odin's A+ Parenting, POV Second Person, Parent Loki, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 66,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3116603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittishmenorbust/pseuds/brittishmenorbust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a slow-building piece about you and Loki. Your father (the king of a small village) sells you to Odin to be a wife for Loki in exchange for getting your small kingdom out of debt. You are obviously not pleased to be sold or uprooted from your home. At first, you and Loki want nothing to do with each other... But soon, revelations take place on both ends that have you questioning what you originally felt for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You finished packing the last of your bags and turned around with a huff. This was completely unfair. Your father, your sweet, usually considerate father, had just sold you to Odin. You were steaming with anger as you flung yourself onto your bed. Staring at the ceiling you recalled the conversation.

_The Kingdom is barely surviving. It's the only way. I'm sorry._

The many excuses your father had made did not make up for the fact that you were basically being sold like a cow or a goat into a marriage with a man you had heard horror stories about. Prince Loki. Ugh. He's the kind of person that inspired nightmares and monster stories. You heard that he had a servant killed for bringing him the wrong kind of fruit once. It not only made you extremely angry, it also scared you. This was the man your father was selling you to. It didn't matter that you were a princess, in fact, that seemed to only spur the deal on. Loki would marry a princess from a small kingdom and your father would get said kingdom out of debt.

Your heart was so heavy. You had only packed clothes and things you absolutely needed. You avoided packing anything of sentimental value. Although you would most likely be allowed to visit once in a while - Asgard wasn't far - you knew that life as you knew it would essentially be over. There would be expectations and limitations on where you could go and who you could see.

You were mad at your father, for sure. But when you looked out of your windows and saw the poverty that plagued the streets, you felt tears in your eyes. If you could help them by doing this.. maybe it would be worth it. If kids didn't starve or could afford a doctor, maybe this life would be bearable. Maybe.

You turned to your bedside table and saw it. The necklace. Your fingers traced over the hand-carved wooden figurine. It was a swan. Brandt had made it for you. You had grown up with him. He was a friend of the family's. You had always imagined that you would one day, somehow, marry him. You loved him. Although you had never explored that beyond friendship, the idea had always been buried deep inside you that one day... maybe... well it didn't matter anymore. You stopped the tears from flowing, but didn't stop yourself from packing the necklace.

You heard a knock on the door. Your father, presumably. You walked over and answered it. You were wrong. It was one of the male servants of your castle. Not your castle anymore, you reminded yourself.

He informed you that he was here to help you with your bags. It was time to go.

You sighed and allowed him into the room. You grabbed a bag, insisting on helping him.

The royal family of Asgard had invited you to stay with them in the months prior to the wedding. You almost wanted to just get it over with. The anticipation was surely more horrid than actually marrying Loki... right? In any case, you certainly couldn't refuse them and so had packed your bags.

Standing outside, you looked around for your father. Surely he would see you off? You stopped a servant that was walking across the front of the castle.

"Have you seen my father?" you asked. "I'm leaving now."

"He's in town, m'lady. Said he wouldn't be back until dark." The servant gave you a sympathetic look and headed back to work.

He knew you were leaving now. And he was avoiding you? You were enraged. He sold you like some kind of animal and you had almost forgiven him but now he was running away like a coward from you? You were so heated you didn't hear when the coachman asked you if you were ready. When he repeated his question you responded.

"Yes, I... Let's go," you managed. Fists clenching, you entered the car. The roads were bumpy until you got out of your kingdom. The roads of Asgard were smooth and beautiful. The lush green countryside gave way to a gleaming city of life and lights. You couldn't help but admire it. Maybe living here wouldn't be so terrible.

You arrived at the gates and were taken up to the palace. Queen Frigga, Thor, and the formidable Loki stood standing at the palace entrance. Frigga and Thor smiled amicably enough, but Loki stared daggers at you. As you stepped out of the carriage he looked at you as if you were a small, annoying insect.

"Princess," Frigga greeted you with warmth. She took your hands and kissed your cheeks.

"Thank you for having me," you greeted.

"It's our pleasure. It's not every day our Loki gets married," she said. You glanced at Loki who was seething. His fists clenched and he looked almost ill.

"Princess," Thor spoke in his low voice. He bowed and kissed the back of your hand. You curtsied.

"Prince Thor, a pleasure to meet you," you tried to sound friendly. He seemed nice enough. Your stomach was still churning from the realization that you were to live here now, having left your previous life almost for good. You tried to focus on the present.

Next in line was Loki. You felt nervous to approach him. He seemed like a snake, coiled and ready to strike at any moment. He still eyed you carefully.

You expected him to speak like the others but he merely bowed. You curtsied again.

"A man of few words," Thor tried to jest and hit his brother just a little too hard on the shoulder. Loki's glare turned to his brother who did not notice its venom.

"It's nice to meet you," the words almost got caught in your throat. Loki nodded at you and you moved back towards Frigga, with whom you felt most comfortable.

"Where is the king?" you asked, noting the absence.

"He is unfortunately away on business, but he sends his welcome," Frigga responded.

"Oh, well, I look forward to meeting him," you said, unsure if this was true.

Frigga took your arm and led you into the foyer of the palace. Nearly everything was gold or accented with gold. It was stunning.

"Would you like to see your room?" she asked.

Thor and Loki bowed out, Loki more eager to escape than Thor. They both apparently had Prince-related business to attend to.

"You can just point me in the direction of the room and I'll figure it out," you offered. Surely the Queen would have more pressing matters to attend to than you.

"Nonsense, I cleared my day for you, my dear," she said, squeezing your arm.

"Thank you, my queen," you said. And you truly were grateful. You were not sure you wanted to be alone right now and Frigga was very nice.

"Frigga, please," she corrected you. "You'll soon be family."

Your stomach churned at the thought and your mind raced. You tried to clear your head and focus on the hallways that she was leading you down. Left, right, left, left again. It was hard to keep track. The palace was much bigger than yours. It would take some getting used to.

When you finally reached a room with large, dark wooded doors, she stopped. This was your room. Frigga opened the door to a lovely room. It was spacious and well-furnished. There was a large window to your left with a couch beneath it. There were shelves filled with books as well, a fireplace straight across from the door, and a canopy bed to the right. The bathroom door was to the right of the bed and in it you could see a large marble tub.

"I hope it is to your liking," Frigga said.

"It's absolutely gorgeous," you responded in awe. It was at least twice the size of your room at home. It occurred to you that this might be a shared room... since you would shortly be marrying the Prince. "Is this... my room... alone?" you asked tentatively.

The Queen laughed lightly.

"Yes, for now. Until the wedding presumably," she said. Presumably? You doubted you could stand to be in the same room as Loki after the wedding let alone before. But you simply nodded and walked into the room. Frigga stayed by the door.

"Hello, miss," you heard a small voice come from the door. You turned, knowing it was not Frigga who had spoken. She did, however, have her arm around a young girl. "I am Lilla, your new servant." She couldn't have been more than fifteen. She looked tired and a little scared. She wore dingy looking clothes but smiled brightly at you despite all this.

You crossed the room and shook her hand. "Hello, it's nice to meet you."

She looked uncomfortable. Maybe that was too forward?

"Can I get you anything miss?" she ask, recovering.

A new life? A sabotaged wedding? You could think of a lot that you wanted but that no one could give you.

"I am fine for now, thank you," you said.

"Run along for now," Frigga offered the girl. Patting her head as she left. You smiled at her kindness. "Would you like some time to yourself?" Frigga asked, noticing your wandering eyes.

You blushed, feeling badly that she had put everything aside for you.

"Maybe an hour or two? I'm a little overwhelmed," you admitted. Right now a hot bath sounded amazing. It was all you'd thought about since seeing the tub.

"Very well. I shall fetch you for dinner then," she said. You nodded and thanked her before she left.

Alone in the room, the space felt twice as big and twice as empty.

You took off your clothes and drew a bath. The warm water relaxed you and when you closed your eyes you could imagine that you weren't in Asgard. You could imagine that you weren't meant to marry a terrible Prince, or that your life as you knew it was over. You could imagine... but it didn't make it true.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments already :) they're super encouraging <3

You almost fall asleep in the tub, but you caught yourself before that could happen. The thought of being caught nude in a tub by Frigga, or indeed anyone else, was mortifying. You reluctantly got out of the fantastic tub and dressed in a simple gown.

True to her word, Frigga arrived at your door, ready to walk you to the dining hall. The way was not difficult or far from your room. You enjoyed the architecture of the halls and the archways you passed under. Everything shone, unlike the castle you grew up in. Frigga made pleasant conversation with you to pass the time it took to walk to the hall.

When you entered, the long table took your breath away. There was just about every kind of food you could imagine, all piled onto this one table. Meats, vegetables, soups, sauces, pastas, everything. Your mouth watered. It all looked incredible. Many noble people sat around the table, leaving the top four spaces empty, presumably for Frigga, Thor, Loki and yourself.

Frigga led you to one of the seats you had suspected had been saved for you. Before you could actually sit down, a loud, happy voice said, "Let me get that, m'lady."

You turned to see Thor grinning down at you. He pulled out your chair and you smiled, accepting the chivalry. You sat down and scooted in. He took the place beside you, already talking easily with you.

You felt lighter with Thor. He was easy to be around, non-threatening.

The chair opposite you remained empty for a few moments. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck, and indeed all over you, stand on end and knew he was here. Your assumption was validated once you saw Loki glide through the doors and take the chair opposite you. He merely glanced in your direction. Quite the different greeting from his brother's. He would not simply ignore you, that was rude.

"Good evening, Prince Loki," you said. Kill 'em with kindness.

He glared at you. You could feel the hatred rippling off of him. Part of you wanted to sprint from the room and never see him again - he did scare you. But another part felt challenged. You didn't feel like you deserved this hatred. This wasn't your choice. You would at least be civil with him, and expected the same.

"Evening," he said, curtly.

You forced a smile and then turned to converse more with Thor. He made a joke and you laughed. Frigga was enjoying the conversation as well at her place at the end of the table. Loki only picked at his food, barely touching anything.

You enjoyed yourself and ate to your heart's content. A lot of the table was filled with your favorite comfort foods. You wondered if they had known and accommodated you, knowing what a stressful day it would be.

Loki remained silent through the entire meal. Good, you thought, maybe the whole marriage would be like this. At least you wouldn't have to deal with him.

It occurred to you that the reason Frigga and Thor are making such an effort for you is pity. The way they keep looking at Loki with... distaste? concern? it was hard to tell, but you were pretty sure they were aware of his being a less-than-desirable marital candidate. You appreciated their kindness nonetheless. At least some people here did not glare at you as if you were the scum of the earth.

After dinner you found your way back to your room. You slept uneasily that night, and many nights that followed. The next few days were uneventful. You spent them with Thor and Frigga, taking tours of the palace - your new home. You only saw Loki at dinner which was more than enough. He would sit every night, barely eating, glaring at you.

One night, you were enjoying a meal, talking with Thor about one of the battles he had fought, when Loki started yelling.

"Can't you get anything right you complete imbecile?!" Loki roared at an unsuspecting servant. He stood up and knocked the girl's tray to the floor, sending glass shattering to the ground. The girl looked like she might burst into tears.

You sat, staring at Loki with your jaw open. The others merely looked a little perturbed. Apparently this wasn't anything too out of the ordinary. Before you knew it you stood up.

Loki turned his venomous gaze to you, halting any words of protest you might have had. He turned and stormed out of the hall, leaving the girl to cry silently and pick up the pieces of glass.

You stood for a moment but decided you had to do this. You went around the table and stooped down.

"Are you alright?" you asked the frightened maiden.

"I'm fine, miss. Please, go enjoy your meal." She tried her best, but her chest was heaving and her eyes were wide. She was still shocked by what happened. Perhaps she was new.

"Don't be silly," you said, carefully collecting the pieces of glass. You helped her up after all of the glass had been put back onto the tray.

"Thank you very much, miss. You didn't have to do that," she said, keeping her eyes on the ground.

"Yes, I did," you responded. You gave her a smile and she returned it with some reluctance. She curtsied and returned to the kitchen. You turned and saw Thor and Frigga staring at you, more shocked at your actions than they had been at Loki's. They smiled when they saw you had caught them staring.

"Forgive us," Frigga said calmly. "We have never seen something like that before."

What? Kindness? Decency?

"It was nothing," you said, wishing to divert the attention away from you. You looked away, but knew that their eyes were still on you. Were they impressed? Appalled? You didn't know, but couldn't meet their eyes to check. When you resumed your seat, Thor leaned and whispered to you.

"You are very kind, miss. I am sorry you are in this situation."

Your suspicions were correct then, they did pity you. Well, they weren't alone. Especially after seeing the display this evening, you weren't exactly thrilled to be that man's future wife.

The rest of the evening passed without incident, but all of the socializing drained you. Thor kept introducing you to all of the noble people that came by the table. You tried to be charming but felt like you were about to drop. Finally you were able to make an excuse and head back to your room.

You collapse on your bed and look at the bag you have still not unpacked. On top was the necklace that Brandt gave you. Your heart ached for him, for your home. You imagined his smile. You imagined that maybe it will be him at the end of the alter and not Loki. You felt the tears come to your eyes when you realized that will never happen.

You took the necklace and held it between your fingers. It felt like home and good memories. You clutched it to your chest and cried silently. Soon enough sleep took you, although your dreams were not pleasant. In fact, they were filled with green snakes.


	3. Chapter 3

When you wake, you decide to keep your mind off of your problems by heading to the library. Thanks to Thor's tours, you knew exactly where you were headed. You walked with what you hoped was confidence, although you still didn't quite feel at home yet. Your swagger was halted though, when you saw a familiar, lean man round the corner.

Immediately your heartbeat quickened. It was as if he was pointing a knife at you with the level of fight or flight reflex that you felt. At first he did not see you, but that did not last. Once he realized you were in the hallway, his eyes narrowed like a hawk detecting prey. Your insides churned and you prayed that you could pass him without incident. You tried to keep your chin up and hold his gaze, but it frightened you too much.

"M'lady," he spit the word like a curse at you when you were a foot from each other.

"M'lord," you almost whimpered. You scolded yourself for being so affected by him. Surely he wouldn't hurt you. And yet you felt in constant danger from him.

Once you passed and rounded the corner you felt infinitely safer. With Loki behind you, you focused on your original goal: the library.

It never failed to amaze you. Every time you entered, the sheer size of the place took your breath away. The ceilings were so tall you couldn't see the tops. The shelves seemed to go on forever in both directions. There were several fireplaces with armchairs at each, some taken, some vacant.

You made your way over to a random shelf and started perusing. You picked one book that sounded interesting and chose and empty chair near one of the corners of the library.

At least you could spend your life in here, you thought. You could escape and probably never run out of worlds to run to. That thought was somewhat satisfying at least.

You were a few chapters into your book when that familiar hairs-on-end feeling came over you again. You didn't want to, but you couldn't help but glance up. There he was, standing a few feet away, partially obscured by a book shelf, watching you.

You jumped a little when you saw him and you thought you saw him smirk. How dare he just stare at you like that.

"Can I help you?" you said with more spite than perhaps you meant.

His smile was cruel, cold, calculating. He stepped out from the shadow of the shelf and stood before you. He was graceful, and stepped without sound. His eyes gleamed green in the firelight and you felt yourself recoil into the armchair.

He stood behind the chair opposite you and rested his hands on its back. He looked down at your book.

"I didn't expect you to read," he said, coolly.

"What?" you asked. What _had_ he expected?

"I didn't expect someone like you to be interested in literature." You couldn't read his face at all. It was made of stone.

"Whatever," you said, turning your attention back to the book. Dammit, you couldn't focus. "Someone like me?" you asked. "What do you mean?"

Again a small, satisfied smirk appeared on his face. Why was he talking to you all of the sudden? That smirk made you squirm.

"Well, your kingdom's people speak highly of your beauty, you must know this," he said, with no indication as to whether or not he agreed with their assessment.

It was true, people apparently thought you were something of aesthetic value. You had never been able to understand it and in fact did anything to prevent perpetuating that.

"I'm not sure what that has to do with anything," was your reply.

"Well, I assumed that beneath those pretty curls lay nothing more than empty space," he said.

Had he just called you pretty? Maybe he meant it as an insult. You rolled your eyes either way.

"Yeah, well, thanks for making judgements based on nothing," you said.

"I am trying to say that I was wrong," he said angrily. The sudden change of tone alarmed you. After the incident with the servant you didn't wish to provoke him.

"Fine, thank you, I guess," you said. You saw his shoulders relax a little. His eyes moved over you and you felt as though he could see through you.

After a moment of silence he simply walked away without saying anything else. You feel yourself relax. You didn't realize it but during your talk with him you had been on edge. Every muscle in your body had tensed. He was so draining. You hoped you would at least get to a point where you could just be in the same room without wanting to hurt him or run from him.

You spend a good amount of time in the library before returning to your room. You requested that supper be brought to your room, giving the family the excuse that you did not feel well and wished to rest. In truth, you couldn't face any more time with Loki today. Your body just could not physically handle it. They did not question you, and sent Lilla to bring your food.

"Thank you, Lilla," you said.

"My pleasure, ma'am," she replied sweetly and curtsied.

"You really don't have to do that," you said, referring to her formality. "I want us to be friends, okay?"

She looked at you carefully, as if this might be a trap. You offered her some bread.

"Would you like to eat with me?" You wouldn't mind her company, someone you didn't have to pretend in front of.

She took the bread uneasily and you smiled at her. You motioned for her to sit. Soon she loosened up and you were able to learn more about her. She grew up in the palace and recently started serving the royal family.

It felt nice to relax and talk with her. You told her of your family and your life back home. You avoided talking about Brandt, if only because it hurt too much to say anything of him out loud.

After you finished, Lilla excused herself, saying she should get back to her chores. You told her that you appreciated her company and she nodded, smiling at you.

When she left, you felt empty and alone again. You took a bath but it didn't help much. You curled into bed and fell asleep.

In your dream you were in a huge white dress. The collar was too tight and was suffocating you. Somehow you managed to walk down the aisle and towards the shadowy figure at the end of it. When you arrived, you turned and saw Loki, grinning evilly at you. You wanted to run but the dress tripped you when you tried. Loki grabbed you and closed his hands around your throat. He had a serpent's tongue and wild, green eyes.

You woke yourself up screaming. It was still the middle of the night. There was no way you would be going back to sleep after that. You wiped your sweaty forehead and sighed. Your heart was at least slowing down to a normal pace now. You looked at your pillow, unwilling to lay back down and dwell in those nightmares.

What was the palace like at night? you wondered. Only one way to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are kinda short chapters but I'll try to update them often if you guys are interested :) there will be more Loki interactions soon, don't worry!


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't as eerie as you thought it might be. The moonlight hit the castle walls lightly, and made them shine. You felt like you were in some kind of fairytale land. You had put on a dressing gown, assuming you would not run into anyone of importance. You pulled it tighter around you as you felt the cool night air.

You don't have a particular place in mind to go. You just keep walking, your footsteps echoing off the empty halls. Suddenly, you started to hear voices, one male, one female.

They grew a little louder as you approached the end of a hall.

"I'm sorry, my dear," you heard a familiar voice say. The voice you recognized, but the kindness within it, not so much.

You peeked around the corner and confirmed it. Loki was kneeling down next to a servant. Several bagels were spread across the floor.

"I'm sorry," she said. She didn't seem frightened like the girl at that dinner. "I should watch where I'm going."

"As should I," Loki said lightly. There was no malice or spite to his tone. Were you dreaming? How was this the same man who swatted the tray from another servant and yelled at her?

The two of them stood and you leaned back to hide yourself behind the corner.

"Thank you, my lord," you heard the girl say.

"Have a pleasant evening," you heard Loki respond. Your heart raced. What if he came towards you? Surely no one was meant to see that? You calmed as you heard both footsteps retreating from you. You sighed.

What was that? Loki? being nice? It didn't make sense. He didn't seem to know the girl. What would he gain by kindness? And then you had an interesting thought: maybe the rest of it was an act. But why? It made sense in a way. There was no one to convince or influence around in this instance. He didn't have to prove that he was a mean, malicious Prince. But why, then, did he feel he had to do that in the first place?

You shook your head. There was no understanding that madman. You continued your moonlit walk until your legs grew tired. Still, as you wandered the empty halls, the image of Loki kneeling down pervaded your mind while your ears were filled with his soft tones. Which of the faces you had seen of him was the real Loki?

Once you had sufficiently exhausted yourself, you had no choice but to head back to bed. Nightmares or no, you had to try to rest. Thankfully, you had a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

In the morning you woke to Lilla bringing you breakfast.

You ate with her and talked some more. She suggested that maybe you should walk around and swim in the hot springs by the edge of the grounds. The water was naturally warm and clean. You thanked her for the suggestion.

You weren't sure you would actually go in, but the thought of exploring more of the grounds intrigued you.

The weather was nice enough, but you still pulled on a light cloak. You passed some noble people Thor had introduced you to but did not remember their names. You were quickly rid of them and continued walking around the grounds until you found the springs. You stopped before you got too close, as you recognized the solitary form that inhabited the space.

You crept closer, not wishing to be seen by Loki. You didn't realize that you were staring at first. Loki was only wearing swimming trunks. When he came out of the water, the sun glistened off of him. He was more muscular than you had thought. His skin was perfect and taut over his muscles. He stretched in the sun and... was that a smile? It looked foreign because it was missing that mischievous edge.

You blinked rapidly and turned away. You were... attracted to him. You shouldn't be, right? He was mean and evil... right? Still, the flashes from the previous night came to mind. Maybe there was more to him than you thought. You swished the thought away. No, probably not. There was a reason there were horror stories about him.

After allowing yourself only a few more moments of staring, you decided not to get any closer. You turned to leave but heard a low voice behind you.

"Hello, Princess." You stopped in your tracks. His voice... it sounded... seductive. You gathered your strength and turned around.

"Good morning, Prince Loki," you managed. Oh dear. Up close it was far more difficult to look away. Your eyes skimmed over his bare chest, his long arms and fingers, and down to his legs.

"Out to see the scenery?" he asked, knowing full well you were blatantly checking him out.

"No," you reacted, pulling your eyes up to meet his. You had said no because you thought he accused you of doing exactly what you were doing. "I mean, yes. I was told that the grounds were quite beautiful."

"They are, aren't they?" he smirked. He was not referring to the grounds. You knew it.

"I suppose," you tried to sound indifferent. He knew you had been looking at him. And that you liked what you saw. That smug grin on his face made you angry.

You turned to leave, thinking of saying something witty, but tripped on a rock. Smooth.

"Here, let me," Loki offered. He was next to you faster than you anticipated, helping you up. Once you regained your footing you realized how close he was standing to you. He had grasped your hand and helped you stand. He was now right behind you, his bare chest against your back. His breath was on your neck. In a moment's weakness, you wanted him to kiss your neck, to touch you. But you scolded yourself.

"Thank you," you said, clearing your throat. You disentangled yourself from him and turned to face him. "I can take care of myself," you said defiantly. He chuckled.

"I have no doubt of that." The smile on his face seemed genuine as far as you could tell. Once you realized this, however, so did he. His face returned to a mask as if ne'er a smile had crossed it.

"I should get going," you said hastily. Smiling and then nothing, attraction and touching... he was too confusing for you.

"Of course," Loki said. He seemed more civil than usual. You wondered if he had really changed his opinion of you that much in the library.

You stole one more look at his beautiful body - it was quite beautiful - and turned to head back where you came from.

None of it made sense to you. He could be so violent and volatile but then be concerned about a servant and offer to help you. What was real with him? What was the act?

You were not sure you particularly cared to find out. What if he was not what you secretly hoped?

That night you woke not with a sweat or a scream, but with a blush. You had dreamt of Loki swimming, but this time you were with him, and there were no bathing suits. He had kissed you fervently until your head spun.

I shouldn't be thinking those things, you told yourself. It did not leave your mind that in a few months this man would be your husband. You would be expected to do things with him... things you had not the stomach to imagine.

You went back to sleep, hoping that one day soon you would finally figure out who he really was. At least then you would know what to think, or at least, how to defend yourself.


	5. Chapter 5

You didn't see Loki the following day until dinner. You had to scold yourself repeatedly during the day when you thought of his lithe, lean body. You had daydreamed about those fingers and that voice and it scared you. You didn't even know the man. And what you did know scared you.

At dinner, Loki seemed more pleasant, more relaxed. At least, he didn't glare at you the whole time. He did not say anything and did not eat as usual. You and Thor talked about the weather and the upcoming parties. Odin was still away on business, and that suited you fine.

You could feel Loki's eyes on you while you talked with Thor, but whenever you managed a glimpse at him, he was simply staring. There did not seem to be any spite or the usual hatred coming from him. It was a nice change. You felt a little more at ease.

Your nice evening was interrupted again when Loki decided that one of the servants deserved to be treated inhumanely.

This time he yelled at the girl for not addressing him in the correct manner. You cringed as his harsh words hit her like ice pellets. He kept yelling and you overcame your initial shock soon enough to notice something. His eyes. They seemed... bored? He didn't look angry. If he had not been yelling, you would have thought he was asking about the weather. It was intriguing. His voice sounded positively poisonous, and yet the anger didn't reach his eyes. You tilted your head, intrigued. The rest of the scene played out as the other had - Loki stormed off, not even glancing in your direction.

You stayed for a few moments but made an excuse so you could follow Loki outside. Curiosity had gotten the best of you.

It did not take you long to find Loki, leaning calmly against a wall, looking out into the courtyard. You approached him, trying to make enough sound with your feet on the stones so as not to startle him.

Loki turned his head when he heard you. He looked at you quickly, made some kind of judgement and kept his face indifferent.

"What?" he asked, a bit harshly. He had turned to look into the garden and once again you could not read his face.

"I just came to see... What was that back there?" you asked. Curiosity outweighed caution at the moment.

"What was what?"

"You yelled at a servant for no reason."

"Not no reason," he corrected. You rolled your eyes.

"Whatever, a dumb reason," you caught yourself. You were being quite forward. Suddenly a fear overtook you. He might lash out.

He turned to face you, eyes sharp, ready for a battle.

"What are you saying?" he asked carefully.

"I'm saying," you were suddenly nervous. Now that his eyes were on you it made it more difficult to think. You flashed back to the image of him without a shirt. You clutched part of your dress in your hand. "I'm saying... I don't think you meant it. I don't think you were actually angry," you finished, trying to sound confident.

He scoffed at you. "And how would you know?" he asked. Fair enough.

"I don't know... I just--"

"You wouldn't," Loki cut you off. "You don't know me," he said, sounding almost... hurt. There was something in his eyes... if you didn't know better you would have labeled it vulnerability.

"I just saw--"

"You don't know what you saw," he said. "You know nothing about me."

This was only partially true but you didn't feel like arguing anymore. He had gotten very defensive. Who got defensive when someone was accusing them of being nicer than everyone thought?

His eyes lingered on you for a few more moments, filling you with anxiety. Finally he moved them away and walked away from you.

Walking to your room, you couldn't stop thinking about him. Why would he put on an act like that? Why would he want people to think that he was horrible?

When you reached your room you found Lilla making your bed.

"Lilla, do you know the Prince well?" you asked. She knew you meant Loki.

"Not really," she shrugged. "Why?"

"I was just wondering... he doesn't seem very... consistent. I've seen him both yell and assist a servant."

Lilla pondered this for a while.

"From what I've heard, you don't want to serve Loki in public, but other than that... no one really complains," she admitted. Interesting. "Temperamental I guess," she added. Indeed. You hummed your agreement.

Lilla finished for the evening and you bade her goodnight.

Loki was on your mind as you tried to fall asleep. He was completely mad wasn't he? The weather was more predictable than him. And still... you felt like there was something you were missing. Was it worth it to try and investigate? Would he allow you to?

Considering you had no other pressing matters to attend to, you considered it as a sort of investigative project. The next time you saw him you decided to try and talk to him a little more. It couldn't hurt learning about the man you were supposed to marry. You blanched. How would you be married to him in a few months? It seemed unreal. You wished it were. Still, it was a way to keep your mind off the wedding. Focus on something else: figuring out what made Loki tick.


	6. Chapter 6

Not expecting to see Loki until dinner, you figured you would occupy yourself by reading. You walked into the library, chose a large, dusty book, and snuggled into a comfy arm chair. The story was fascinating, and the characters kept your interest and stole your heart. You were reading so intensely that you failed to notice Loki staring at you until he cleared his throat.

His face was softer today. He eyed you with curiosity rather than disdain. He held a smaller book in one of his large hands. He seemed almost... nervous.

"May I join you?" he asked tentatively. He was still confident; his voice did not betray any signs of taking no for an answer.

"Sure," you said, returning your eyes to your book. It was difficult to concentrate with him sitting there. With the warm fire beside you, the large, comfortable chair, and a good book... he should seem out of place right? He was large and threatening usually... but now, seeing him reading... he seemed more accessible. Your eyes kept drifting up from your book to stare at him. He would lick his finger before turning a page.

Hours passed and neither of you said anything. He once caught your gaze and gave a small smile before turning his attention back to his book.

You didn't realize he had finished until your eyes flitted again to look at him. Loki was sitting pensively, watching you. His gaze was not that of a predator, like you were used to. He seemed to be looking at you like a book, trying to read you. You were almost finished but put your book down.

"Can I help you?" you asked, half joking.

"I'm just waiting," he responded. There was a calculating edge to his voice - not entirely unfriendly though.

"For what?"

"For you to finish that book," he said, like you should have known.

You arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

He sighed, semi-irritated. He ran a hand through his black hair.

"Because you are the only person I know who has also read that particular story," he said. "You would not be surprised to know that I don't have many people to converse about literature with here," he said, eying the passing library patrons with disgust.

You doubted anyone would discuss anything with him, even if they had read this book.

"Finish it," he commanded. You glared at him. You might have considered talking about the book with him, it did interest you, but now that he was commanding you, you felt angry.

"Excuse you, you are not the boss of me," you said, trying to sound confident.

Loki raised an eyebrow, challenging you.

"Lucky for you, I want to finish it of my own volition," you added. It was true, you wanted to know how it ended.

Loki gestured to your book as if to say, "Go on, then."

Reading quickly, but still absorbing the details and nuances, you finished within the next half hour. Loki sat there as if he were made of stone, sometimes staring at you, sometimes the fire.

You closed the book with a loud clap and laid it on the table.

"Done," you declared.

Loki stood. Was he leaving? Why did you not want him to?

"Walk with me," he commanded. You glared at him. He gave an annoyed sigh. " _Please_ ," he said, half sincerely.

You forced a smile and stood. Your legs had fallen asleep for the most part since you never changed positions as you read. You stumbled and saw him reach out a hand in case you needed it. You tried not to need it but failed, giving him a smile of gratitude for helping you to avoid landing on your face. His eyes seemed warmer today, instead of their usually iciness.

His hand lingered on yours for a moment before he shook his head minutely and let it drop. You followed him outside to a path that lead through of the many gardens of the palace. Everything was in bloom and the smell of flowers almost overwhelmed you. You walked close to Loki, as the path was narrow, and now and then your hands would swing into each other, causing a shock of electricity to jolt through you. Was it your imagination or did you hear his sharp intake of breath when you touched?

"So, what did you think of it?" he finally asked.

"I liked it a lot," you admitted. "The characters were so... real. They had real depth to them."

"And Rasha?" he asked. Rasha had been the main antagonist in the book. Loki watched your face carefully. You tried to respond with something intelligent.

"I think he was justified," you said, finally. "I think he's just misunderstood."

Loki nodded and smiled.

"I think so too."

It felt like you had just passed some kind of test. Loki apparently held your opinion of Rasha to some standard of importance. Why? Perhaps he related to Rasha in some way. Your acceptance of the character made him feel like you might accept him? That seemed like a stretch.

It seemed you and Loki had more in common than you might have thought. As you walked, conversation seemed to flow more freely. You both held your guard up against each other, but you had both read a lot of the same books and were able to talk about them.

You felt yourself relaxing. You couldn't talk about this stuff with anyone, even Brandt. Loki was actually quite intelligent and, as it turned out, empathetic to the characters in most of the books you'd read.

As you got to know this side of Loki, it made you want to know even more about him. You knew he wouldn't open up so you decided to share some of yourself first.

"Brandt never used to read," you said. "That was my best friend back home. In fact, none of my friends or family really read. Or not as much as I do anyway." You watched his face for signs of boredom.

"Well, I'm sure you can imagine what my life is like, having to discuss things with Thor," he gave you a small smile. You could imagine those conversations indeed and chuckled.

"Do you miss them?" he asked suddenly. It shook you. You weren't expecting him to ask you anything.

"Yes," you admitted after a stunned silence. "I miss Brandt. I always thought that... well, it doesn't matter now," you managed a small, sad smile. His eyes turned cold.

"Right," he said. Damn, you had been meaning to avoid this topic. "The wedding."

Although his gait was smooth and steady, his eyes were in turmoil.

"Yes," you said, not knowing how else to respond. "I'm sorry it has to be this way." And you were. Perhaps he had someone else in mind as well.

"I am too," he said. You felt like there was something more he wanted to say but he refrained and you didn't press it. You wished you hadn't turned the conversation to this matter. You were actually having a good time with him.

In a moment of boldness you grabbed his hand. He just looked so sad, you couldn't help it.

He looked surprised, but in the end, accepted the gesture. His hand was smooth and too large for yours, but it felt oddly comfortable.

Your thoughts drifted to the wedding again. Your heart dreaded what would undoubtedly follow the ceremony - the wedding night. Maybe he wouldn't be interested in you and you wouldn't have to endure it.

"I thought you would be different," Loki said, breaking the silence that had surrounded the two of you.

"What? How?" you asked.

"I had heard of you. I heard you were beautiful and kind, but I suspected it was all an act. I was wrong," he said. There was that almost vulnerable look in his eyes.

"Well, I had heard things about you as well," you admitted. His lips smiled but his eyes were sad.

"All monster stories, I presume?" he asked. He tried to sound proud of the fact but it didn't quite convince you.

"Yes. But they were wrong too," you said, going out on a limb.

"Were they?" Loki's eyes glinted.

"I think so," you tested. "I think you want people to think you're horrible. But I don't think that's the truth."

Bold. He could lash out at you if he felt threatened.

His hand merely squeezed yours lightly. You had forgotten you'd been holding it, it had felt so... natural.

"What is the truth, then?" he asked carefully. You fidgeted. That's what you were trying to find out.

You thought about Rasha in the story. Misunderstood.

"I think you put on an act," you guessed, trying to sound casual. "I'm not sure why. But it keeps people at bay. Distances them from you. And you do it on purpose."

"Why would I do that?" he asked. Another test.

"Because you don't think they'd like the real you, if they knew it," the words tumbled out of you. Shit. You shouldn't have said that. What did you know about Loki, really? But when you thought about it, it made sense. You tensed, waiting for some kind of violent reaction.

A tug on your hand told you that Loki had stopped walking. He did not let go of your hand as you turned to face him.

His stony face could have held any number of reactions, but none that you could read.

His eyes searched yours. Whatever he was looking for, he apparently found because he looked away. You noticed that his hand was slightly trembling. He bit his lower lip in thought.

"I'm sorry," you said. The silence was killing you. Say something, Loki.

He shook his head slightly.

"When you're right, you're right," he almost whispered. You had expected him to be angry at you - to keep up that facade - to keep you at bay. But he didn't. He just accepted what you had said. You moved closer to him but he moved away. He pulled his hand out of yours.

"I'll see you at dinner," he said, attempting to give you a small smile.

"Of course," you said. He must have needed time by himself, you guessed. No one had gotten that close before. No one had seen through the mask. And he had let you. You understood that he must need time.

You watched him walk up the pathway alone. Even as the distance grew you could see the wheels turning, trying to process what just happened.

You turned and walked the opposite direction, trying to focus on the flowers. Your thoughts kept drifting back to Loki's face. What else lay under that mask? you wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the comments, I hope I can keep you entertained!


	7. Chapter 7

For once, Loki arrived to dinner before you. Thor and Frigga sat with him, and you joined them, greeting them pleasantly. Loki offered a greeting in return with surprised not only you but others at the table as well. You smiled as encouragement. Something about him felt very different.

During dinner, Loki continued to surprise by bringing up the subject of the book you had both read.

"The Princess and I were discussing this book today for quite some time. You would love it, mother," he said, emphatically. Frigga smiled widely at him and then turned to you.

"What have you done with my son?" Frigga joked, smiling at you.

You blushed and shrugged. To be honest, you had no idea. You had never seen Loki so much as huff at anyone during dinner, but now he seemed to be more outgoing, enjoying himself a little. He continued to discuss the book, mostly with you, as you were the only one who had read it. Apparently he had been thinking about your earlier discussion because he had some more interesting points. You were engaged in the conversation so much that when Frigga and Thor bade their goodbyes, it shocked you that dinner was over already.

You and Loki were the only two who remained at the table. The others had left or were milling about the room.

"Should we go somewhere else?" you said. You were starting to feel strange sitting here with Loki and wished to move around a bit.

"Sure," he said. He got up and walked over to you. He offered you his arm. The gesture surprised you and he could see it in your face. "It's not poison," he assured you.

You smiled and took his arm. At first your discussions tended toward the book, but since you had talked about it earlier, you soon seemed to have talked the thing to death.

"When will your father return?" you asked, as the thought occurred. You still had yet to meet the man. You were fairly apprehensive, because the stories you had heard of him were not tales of extreme kindness.

Loki stiffened at the question. "He will be back in time for the wedding, I presume," he answered with tight lips.

Him bringing up the topic of your wedding gave you the opportunity to get some things off your chest.

"Speaking of," you said quietly. He looked at you, searching your face for signs of what would come next. "I was wondering how you felt about that... about what would happen... what we would do once we were married." You paused, but he was silent so you continued. "I know that we are not in love, and I know that my heart will always belong to another, but I didn't know what you thought about..." You couldn't finish your sentence.

He seemed to be able to take your lead.

"I will not do anything you would not wish me to do to you," he said simply.

You sighed. That was a relief at least. Although, when you thought about it, you were attracted to him...

"Alright, thank you," you said. He nodded. "I am sorry you must be involved in this. I know what it's like to have your father decide your fate for you," you said, trying to get him to respond more. You thought that maybe you could get at what was hiding just under that stony mask.

Loki hummed his agreement.

"My father was quite pleased when your father offered your hand. He seems to think I am not capable of acquiring a wife of my own." His eyes were heavy and it sounded like it took great effort to speak those words to you.

"Was there... is there anyone?" you asked, carefully.

"There was once, a long time ago," Loki said, almost as if he were speaking to himself. "But she passed away."

You touched his shoulder lightly. "I'm so sorry, Loki." He gave you an appreciative nod.

"It was a long time ago," he said. He paused a moment before asking, "And your Brandt?" he asked.

"What about him?"

"He is the one that holds your heart?"

You thought about this. You definitely loved Brandt.

"Yes," you said. "I suppose he does."

Loki still looked sad. You felt bad for bringing up painful memories of him.

"I'm glad that we've at least reached this point," you remarked. "At least we can be friends through this."

He nodded and took your hand.

"I am not sure you would want me for a friend," he said.

"Well lucky for you, I do," you smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Would you like to see him?" Loki asked all of the sudden.

"Who?"

"Brandt. We could visit your village. In secret, of course."

Your heart leapt at the thought.

"We could do that?" you asked.

"I know secret pathways in and out of the palace grounds. We could ride horses there. It's not too far."

You thought for a moment.

"That would be lovely," you said. "Thank you," you added. The idea of going home, of seeing Brandt was tantalizing.

"We will go tomorrow. I will meet you at your door at dinnertime. That is when everyone will be most distracted. I will make some cover for us."

He seemed to like the idea of a secret plan, but there was a sadness in his eyes still.

"Sounds great," you said. You had walked to the hallway that led to your room and decided to call it a night. "Thank you again. It would mean the world to me to see Brandt," you said, trying your best to convey your gratitude.

"Of course," he said, bowing slightly. You bid him goodnight and went to your quarters.

The sun had set a while ago and the chill of the night was upon you. You changed and crawled into bed, snuggling beneath the many layers.

You almost couldn't sleep. You grabbed the necklace from your nightstand and rubbed it between your fingers.

Tomorrow. You could see Brandt tomorrow. You could go home tomorrow. For a night anyway... But it was something. A gift. From Loki. You smiled and thanked him in your head. Then sleep took you and once again, it was the Dark Prince who starred in your dreams.


	8. Chapter 8

The day passed slowly as you waited for the time you and Loki could sneak off to your village. You weren't sure that it would have been a completely prohibited trip, but sneaking around was fun, and Loki enjoyed mischief.

You chose to wear pants and a tunic, easier to ride in than a dress. You did you hair and makeup, because even though he had never cared what you looked like, you wanted to look nice when you saw Brant. It had been a few weeks, but you still missed him with a fervor.

Loki apparently convinced his mother and brother that the two of you were to have a romantic picnic somewhere. A sort of date before the wedding. They seemed surprised, but pleased, according to him. Just as planned, he had met you outside of your chambers.

He led you outside to where two beautiful white horses were waiting.

"His name is Lightning," Loki said, pointing to the horse he had designated for you. "Fast, but gentle, you'll be fine riding him."

You nodded and watched as Loki skillfully mounted his own horse. He was so graceful. You wondered if he ever tripped over anything. The thought made you giggle and you avoided his questioning stare.

Once you had gotten on your horse (less gracefully) the two of you set off at a leisurely pace. Part of you wanted to run to your village. Gallop as fast as you could. Another part enjoyed riding with Loki. He seemed very much at home on top of a horse. His black locks flowed gently in the breeze. He was rather handsome. He caught you staring.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," you said, blushing.

He eyed you suspiciously but said no more. You rode mostly in silence until you arrived at your village. You didn't have to think to know where Brandt would be. The pub. He co-owned it with a friend of his. It was small, but did quite well, despite the poverty of the kingdom. You led Loki to the pub and tied up your horses. You had dawned cloaks to conceal, or at least try to disguise your identities. You didn't want to draw attention to yourselves.

You felt bubbly, very excited. Loki smiled at you when he saw how pleased you were to be here.

Taking a deep breath, you entered the pub. The place was so alive. It was packed to the brim with happy, intoxicated people, laughing and dancing. Your eyes sped over the wooden tavern, trying to pick out its owner.

You led Loki deeper into the pub, still searching. You decided to sit at a small table in the back. You didn't want to go searching for Brandt just yet. You wanted to drink in your home, savor the time here.

"So what does he look like?" Loki asked, surveying the room.

"He has blonde hair, kind of pudgy, but in a cute way... and beautiful blue eyes." You found yourself reminiscing about your time with Brandt. Long, late night talks, sweet smiles... you missed him.

"Ahh," Loki said, seemingly surprised.

You kept searching the room but with no luck. Suddenly, Loki grabbed your arm.

"I think we should leave." The tone of his voice should have warned you about what was to come.

"What? No, we haven't seen Brandt yet," you said. Why was he antsy all of the sudden?

"I don't think it's a good idea anymore," he said quietly. You turned to face him. His eyes were filled with... concern? apprehension? he was still so hard to read. He grabbed your hand and frowned. Then his eyes drifted to a spot behind you. You turned to look.

There, sitting with a strawberry blonde on his lap, was Brandt. He looked deep into her eyes, whispered something in her ear and kissed her passionately.

You felt your heart drop out of your chest. All the air left your lungs. He was with someone else. From the way he looked at her he clearly loved her. Loki had seen. Tried to warn you. Why had you looked? And now you couldn't tear your eyes away from them. Brandt didn't see you. He couldn't see anyone else in the room but her.

You felt tears well up in your eyes. Strong hands encircled your own and you let them lead you outside the pub. You didn't fight when two arms encircled you, drawing you to his chest. Loki held you as you let the tears fall.

How could you have been so naive? Had you thought that Brandt would wait for you?

You cried quietly into Loki's chest as he held you. He stroked your hair softly with one of his hands and muttered soothing phrases. Soon enough you realized what you were doing and backed away.

"I'm sorry," you sniffled, pressing your hands against his chest. You looked up at Loki and were surprised to see immense compassion there. He did not let go of you.

"It's quite alright. I'm sorry you had to see that," he said softly.

"I just always had this thought... In my head--" you tried to describe how your whole world had changed in one evening.

"I know," he said. And he probably did. He had probably envisioned a life with that girl before she passed away. You leaned against him again and felt the tears returning. You cried for everything that was and everything that would never be.

Your legs felt weak and you were thankful that Loki was supporting you with one of his arms.

You felt pressure on the top of your head and realized he had kissed it. This startled you, but in a good way.

You looked up at him. He wiped a tear from your eye.

"It's okay, little one," he said. "This too shall pass."

 _This too shall pass._ And old Midgardian saying if you weren't mistaken. The phrase comforted you more than you anticipated.

You allowed him to hold you for a few more moments before pulling away.

"He is wrong," Loki said finally.

"What?" you asked, wiping your remaining tears away with your sleeve.

"Brandt. Whoever he is with now... They can't ever compare to you."

The compliment surprised you. It was strikingly honest and very kind of him.

"Thank you, Loki," you managed to say. He nodded in return.

He helped you mount your horse. You had no more want or reason to be here anymore.

He mounted his horse as well and the two of you headed back towards the palace. When you stole glances at Loki he seemed lost in thought. The compassion he had shown tonight, not only in letting you cry on his shoulder, but wanting to prevent your pain in the first place, shocked you. You had not anticipated he would be this... compassionate. The mask was beginning to slip from him. What you had initially presumed to be cold stone underneath was actually a warm, caring man. He hid it well, kept enough people convinced otherwise, but you were starting to think that maybe, he might let someone in. Just this once. Maybe he would let you in.


	9. Chapter 9

You thought that maybe a book would get your mind off its tumultuous path of emotions, but apparently you were mistaken.

You had taken up your usual spot in the library, hoping to get your thoughts away from Loki and from Brandt. You had now re-read the same page for the third time, still not absorbing anything. Sighing, you placed the book on the armrest and sank your head into your hands.

Rubbing your temples, you wondered how things could have gotten so skewed from the way you had perceived them to be just days ago. Since you had been a child you had envisioned you and Brandt somehow, some day, ending up together. In your mind you had always thought that he had felt the same way too. Your heart still ached from the thought that it would never be. And it wasn't Brandt's fault. You knew, deep down, that it had always just been a story. Like the books you lost yourself in, it was a fantasy - one you were unwilling to let go of entirely.

Those thoughts of Brandt mixed and flooded with new thoughts about Loki like two fronts of air. When you had arrived at the palace, you had never anticipated Loki to be anything more than cruel and malicious. Within the past few days you had seen more to his personality and character. He might actually care about someone. About you. The thought both disturbed and intrigued you. Even if he was really a decent person underneath it all, would you want to be with someone who intentionally hid it? And whether or not he was good, no doubt there was a darkness that hung on him like a heavy cloak.

And yet... you couldn't stop thinking about him. When his eyes were soft and he looked at you that way... the way your heart sped up and you lip trembled against your will. That had to mean something. But desires of the flesh were not on the same level as your heart. You twisted in your chair, trying to decipher what exactly you felt for Loki, and how much time you might need to get over Brandt.

Deciding that you were not going to read the book, you went to stand and return it to its shelf, only to find a familiar pair of eyes watching you.

"Loki!" you nearly jumped at the sight of him. He was so quiet, almost like a ghost sometimes.

"Princess," he bowed slightly. "I thought I might find you here today," he mused.

Those keen eyes of his. Surely he could read your thoughts - know your mind. He certainly watched you closely enough to detect even the slightest movement of your face.

"I was actually just leaving," you admitted. A frown crossed his delicate features.

"Where to?" he asked, extending his hand. He meant to take your book and return it. You handed it to him with a thank you.

"I'm not sure," you sighed. You hadn't thought about it. Perhaps a bath, or pacing your room in thought.

Loki looked at you. He seemed to be calculating something. Surely your face must have given away your anxiety and mixed emotions. You knew that you had no poker face at all.

"Come with me," he said, eyes twinkling. At first your reaction was no. Thinking about it, the alternative would be brooding alone in your room though. Best not to do so right now.

"Alright," you said halfheartedly.

"Don't act so enthused," he joked. Loki joked? It was something you had to get used to. He must be getting more comfortable with you. You weren't sure why that thought scared you at the moment.

"Sorry... A lot on my mind," you apologized. He nodded knowingly and offered his arm.

Loki led you outside into the brisk afternoon. The sun was shining. Everything looked brighter, more alive, in Asgard. In your kingdom, there was more decay and disease, even in the plants.

You weren't sure what to expect. Loki led you around the grounds, past the hot springs. You entered a thinly forested area that you had not yet explored. As you walked deeper into the trees, the grass started to turn a different color. The leaves on the trees followed suit. If you hadn't been looking at Loki's mischievous smile, you would have thought you were hallucinating. The leaves and grass had started to turn from green to blue. The deeper you walked, the more purple they started turning.

"What's--"

"Shh," he stopped you.

Eyes wide with wonder, you allowed him to lead you towards a wide tree. It's branches were darker purple. It was perfect - except for an enormous crack that ran down its trunk. The edges of the crack were shredded and coarse. You approached it slowly and looked at Loki for a clue as to what would happen next.

"Stand here," he said, placing you next to the tree, in view of the crack.

You followed his orders, too entranced to object.

He extended his arm and pointed to the tree with two fingers. A mist of yellow particles flowed from them - magic - it must have been - and towards the tree. It seeped into the crack. Suddenly, purple vines started to crawl out of the crack. From them, brilliant blue flowers blossomed before your eyes. You clapped your hands over your mouth and gasped at the brilliance. You could hear Loki's low chuckle. When he lowered his hand, the work was complete. The tree's broken line was filled with gorgeous flowers and vines.

"Loki," you gasped. "That was... What was that?"

"Nothing," he smiled. "Just some harmless magic. It will fade in time. It always does."

You never wanted it to fade - it was too beautiful. When you looked at him, his eyes held a sadness you wouldn't have thought possible in the presence of such beauty.

"What's wrong?" you asked, reaching for him unconsciously.

He accepted your hand in his.

"Nothing. It's just a tree. A broken tree. I try to make it better - make it more whole... but it never lasts."

Oh. Of course. He has been trying to heal himself the same way. He tries something - anything, but nothing seems to last. You gave his hand a light squeeze. In return you got a small, sad smile. You turned your head back towards the tree and saw that already the flowers were starting to wither.

You were conflicted. Are you the one to heal Loki? Would you help him? Should you want to help him? Would he let you?

As you were debating these questions, Loki moved closer to you. Your heartbeat quickened and your palms felt wet. Those sad eyes. Part of you wanted to take their sadness, carry it for him. Another part wondered if you were enough. A small part of you still tried to lock your heart away for Brandt - or, more accurately now - tried to lock it away _because_ of Brandt.

Before you could think to protest, Loki's lips were on yours. At first you were still. Shocked. His lips were tentative, questioning. His hand reached around your waist to pull you closer to him. What did you think?

 _Feels good._ Your mind said. _Feels natural._

Loki moves his lips with yours gently. Suddenly it felt wrong. No. Not yet. Too soon. You had only just revealed a part of him that you believed to be good. You had just saw the man you thought to be the love of your life with another woman. There was too much at stake for your heart right now. It was too fragile. Not yet healed.

You pressed your hands lightly against Loki's lips and pulled away, trying to find words to explain this.

His eyes searched yours for some kind of answer. You weren't sure what you could give him. Confess that you were conflicted? You knew he had barely opened up to you as it were, you didn't want him to think that it was because of him because it wasn't... entirely. You opened your mouth to try to explain this but he stepped back.

"I'm sorry," he said, dejected. "I should have known." His eyes drifted back to the tree whose flowers were now completely dead. The vines had withered and receded back into the crack of the tree. Loki sighed as if to say _of course this would happen. Nothing lasts._

You wanted to stop him. To tell him that maybe you just needed time, but he was already turning away from you. The words caught in your throat.

His shoulders held the weight of the world as he walked away from you slowly. You still felt the tingling of his lips on yours and touched your finger to them.

You let him walk ahead of you for some way while you tried to understand what was going on with you - and also - how to make him understand.


	10. Chapter 10

There was still a fair amount of time until dinner so you took your time returning from the woods. You weren't exactly looking forward to seeing the prince again so soon. You contemplated skipping the meal, but that seemed childish and cowardly. No, you should face this head on.

Where would Loki go? You didn't have a clue. Somewhere dark and quiet probably... the library was too obvious, he would know you would look there for him. But then again, would he think you would look? Just because you weren't ready for that kind of relationship with him didn't mean you didn't care. And as much as you tried to convince yourself otherwise, you did care about him.

Rounding the corner to the library entrance you stopped. Loki was heading towards the library as you had originally predicted. He had come from another direction and was walking towards you. You were not alone in the hallway; several servants shuffled about. Loki had his eyes on the floor, walking sullenly, until he glanced up to see you. Suddenly anger and sadness crossed his face, distorting its beauty. His fists clenched and he took a deep inhale of breath. At the same moment a servant accidentally bumped into his shoulder.

You flinched as his left arm jutted out, slamming the servant into the wall. You tried to look away but couldn't.

"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME," Loki screamed at the boy. The servant went completely pale and started shaking. Loki's hand was at his throat, cutting off any screams that would escape.

"Stop!" you screamed, running towards them. Perhaps not your wisest mood, given that the prince could easily do the same to you.

Loki relaxed but did not let go of the boy. His eyes turned to you. He looked like a scared, caged animal. His teeth were barred and he was breathing heavily. You put up your hands as if to suggest that you did not mean to harm him - as if you could.

Slowly, finger by finger, Loki released the boy. He would surely have some nasty bruises by tomorrow. You sighed with relief once the boy had scurried off. The hallway had cleared in the scuffle and now it was just you and Loki.

Part of you wanted to cradle him in your arms and stroke his hair. It did not escape you that he was acting out of pain... pain that you had caused him. If only you could make him understand.

He was still breathing heavily from the attack, and now his anger and frustration were turned on you, the only other person in the hallway.

"You shouldn't have done that," you tried to say in a steady voice.

"I can do whatever I please," Loki spat at you. "Anything," he said again, viciously scanning your body with his eyes. Even though you felt yourself shaking, you wondered if he would actually follow through on a threat of that kind when not days ago he had promised not to do anything you didn't want to. You gathered up some more strength and looked into his eyes. He was strangely childish. His tantrums were just more violent than a young boy's.

"You _can_ do whatever you please," you conceded, "But you shouldn't. You're better than that." You hoped you were right. But even if he was, could you draw that out of him? Would you want to be with someone who was so childish at times?

He searched your eyes and you tried to maintain your confidence. You still felt the need to apologize and explain... but how? Loki seemed to be asking you something with his eyes. Perhaps, " _Am_ I better than that?" Apparently either no one else believed that, or no one else had bothered to tell him. You thought about that night you had seen him helping that servant in the hallway. Yes. He could be better than this.

"Can I explain?" you asked, hesitantly.

Loki took a step back and thought for a moment.

"Explain?"

"Yes, about earlier. It's not what you think... I mean, not really." Words were hard to string together.

He eyed you carefully, as it you were the trickster God instead of him. You extended your hand.

"Let me show you something," you said, a plan forming. He did not take your hand but nodded. You walked to your room with him trailing slightly behind you.

Opening the door, you walked over to your bedside table. The pang of hurt in your chest was not as bad as you had thought it might be when you saw the necklace. The delicate swan lay innocently on the table and you picked it up.

Surely with all its memories it should weigh more. Well, it wouldn't matter soon.

"Brandt made this for me," you said, moving towards Loki. He feigned disinterest, boredom. You knew he was anything but. "It was really hard for me to see him with that girl... It broke me. And then, with you... I wasn't... I'm still not sure how I feel. And things just moved so fast... I needed time. Does that make sense?"

Loki thought about this, started pacing. You walked over to the window. You opened it and held the necklace so it dangled over the edge.

Loki swiveled his head to watch you, his interest peaked. Not taking your eyes off of him, you let the necklace drop, and with it, all the things you had ever wanted with Brandt.

"It's time for me to let go of that now," you said, watching his every move. He was starting to smile a little. That was a good sign.

You closed the window and moved closer to him.

"And I don't know about you..." you trailed off, trying to convey all the confusion you had felt about him, and still felt. You took his hand even though he flinched. "But I want to."

Loki looked at your entwined hands and his lips turned up even more.

"You have to know that you're not entirely the easiest person to be around.... You... scare me. But I don't think you have to. I think that there's a wonderful man in there. And I want to know him. I don't want you to try to scare me away anymore."

You noticed that a glaze had come over Loki's eyes - tears had started to form. He stroked your hand lightly, sending chills up your arm.

"It's not... It's not easy for me," he managed. His once confident voice sounded broken. It pulled at your heart strings.

"I know," you said. "It's not easy for me either." The thought of letting someone into your heart after Brandt... it was scary. Was Loki worth the risk?

You stepped closer to him.

"But I think we both need to try," you said softly. You had moved closer to him without realizing. He leaned down and gently touched his forehead to yours.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. You followed suit.

"We will try together?" you asked, still with your eyes closed.

"Together," Loki nearly whispered. You stayed like that for some time. Both of you had barriers, years of fences and blockades built up to defend yourselves from hurt. Could you be the one the other needed to rip them down and start something new? Only one way to find out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am just over the moon bc of your comments. They're too sweet, you guys are the best :) so glad you're enjoying it!

The instant you woke you remembered what had passed between you and Loki the previous day.

Throwing away the necklace hadn't just been a ruse to apologize to Loki. It had actually helped you heal the wounds that Brandt had made on your heart. You felt lighter without it hanging around, you realized. You had Loki to thank for that. When you thought about it, you hadn't realized how much you had needed him that day when you saw Brandt. When you first met him you would have never guessed that he would have allowed you to cry on his shoulder, or that he would have tried to shield you from emotional pain. He definitely wasn't the man you thought he was... deep down anyway.

After you had had your moment with him last night, he asked you if you wanted to do something today. This morning in fact. You took a moment and realized that you were looking forward to seeing him today, to spending time with him. Even though the wounds from Brandt were still healing, you thought that maybe spending time with someone who seemed to care about you would be beneficial.

You got out of bed and dressed, doing your hair in a simple braid. You had only just finished getting ready when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in," you said, loudly enough to be heard through the thick wood.

Loki opened the door cautiously and peeked his head in before entering, as if he were sneaking in somewhere he shouldn't be. You turned to face him and smiled. He looked... good. Something about him was different. He just seemed... lighter.

"Good morning, m'lady," he said, bowing slightly. "You are looking lovely this morning."

A compliment? From Loki? The surprise must have read on your face because he chuckled.

"Can I not give my future wife a compliment?" he asked, joking. Still, the future wife business made you uneasy. There was only about a month to go. You laughed but it sounded a little forced.

"What would you like to do?" you asked, moving the subject away from marriage.

"I'm not sure," he said, looking at his feet. "We could go for a walk? I would like to just talk with you... if you want."

"A walk would be lovely." Maybe talking would help open you up to each other.

He offered you his hand which you graciously took. You were always surprised by how small your hands seemed in comparison to his. It made you feel childish. He led you outside and onto a grassy path. The light breeze was lovely and you walked amicably for some way, making small talk. It was fairly easy to maintain conversation with Loki. Now that you had gotten to know him, familiar topics arose and were discussed with interest and passion. You were in mid sentence when you stopped in your tracks.

Your father stood not ten feet away, talking with a servant. Loki looked at you quizzically and then followed your gaze. A small gasp escaped his lips when he realized what you were looking at. Your father - the man who had not only sold you into a marriage with a supposed madman, but also failed to say goodbye to his only daughter.

What was he doing here? Your breath caught in your throat. Would you confront him? Yes. You were not a child. You would face this head on.

You marched up to your father, leaving Loki behind you. He did not fail to follow after a moment of recover though, and stood behind you like a guard dog.

"Father?" you demanded. Your gray haired father turned to face you and a look of horror struck his face, quickly followed by an awkward smile.

"(Y/n)!" he exclaimed in false excitement. "How good to see you."

As if he hadn't deserted you on the worst day of your life. As if he hadn't _made_ it the worst day of your life.

You glared at him, feeling heat rising off of you. Part of you was conscious of Loki's strong hands on your shoulders, keeping you grounded.

"Good to see me? It would have been nice to see you when I left! When I was forced to move here!" you ranted. Your father looked mildly uncomfortable, as if you were telling him you didn't like his birthday present.

"I'm sorry," he said. Unconvincing. He kept looking around like he was waiting for someone. You were not his top priority.

"Where you even going to tell me you were here?" you asked incredulously.

"Yes, of course." His voice was two pitches too high. Loki's fingers tightened slightly on your shoulders. A reminder - you are not alone in this.

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.

"You left me. You left me alone on the day that I needed you most." You felt the emotion building inside of you like a storm.

"I'm sorry, honey. I couldn't be there. You know I love you though."

He reached for you and you swatted his hand away. You tried to stop the tears from coming down.

"Love me? You don't love me. Whatever it was that I thought about you... whatever part of me that believed you were a good father is gone now. You don't love me. Love is being there for someone when they need you. Well I needed you that day and you weren't there!"

Everything just came pouring out of you at once. You finished with a sob, unable to contain it anymore. You waited for your father to say something, anything. You waited for him to deny it, to tell you some reason why he wasn't there. But he gave you nothing. He just looked at you blankly.

You closed your eyes. Were you really about to alienate the only family that you had?...  Yes. He wasn't family if he didn't love you. And clearly that was the case. Just one more thing.

"Is the kingdom better at least?" you asked calmly. "Did the money you got... for me... help?"

Your father's eyes brightened at this.

"Yes! Since we're out of debt, now everyone is doing quite well. It's not quite there yet, but it will be."

Well at least something good had come of this.

"Fine," you managed. Taking a deep breath you said, "Then this is the last you'll see of me. Don't bother coming back or trying to see me. I don't want to see you anymore."

The words sounded harsh, but you didn't care. Again Loki squeezed your shoulders for support. Perhaps this was a bit rash, but then again, your father had sold you to a man, and then was too cowardly to face you about it.

You expected a fight from him, even a small one, but he gave you nothing. Your father simply said, "Okay," and turned away from you.

You felt numb, but not numb enough to stop crying. You let Loki lead you away from your father and into one of the hallways of the palace. Thankfully there was no one around at this time to see your puffy eyes and shaking shoulders.

Without realizing it, for the second time, you cried into Loki's chest. His arms wrapped around you and held you close to him. He let you cry. You were angry at yourself for feeling such emotion. Now your ties were cut. You realized that your father was the last connection you had to your old kingdom. There was absolutely nothing left for you there now.

With a deep breath, you pulled yourself together. You pulled away and looked at Loki with gratitude. His expression was sad, concerned. You tried to smile.

"I'm sorry. I won't make this a habit, I swear," you tried to laugh.

He simply shook his head and pulled you back to him. He rested his chin on top of your head.

"I'm sorry, darling," he said softly. "I know what it's like not to get along with your father... It's difficult."

"Mmm," was all you could manage. You had wrapped your arms around Loki's waist. You could feel his heartbeat - steady, calming.

"Is that really what love is?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"What?"

"Is love... being there for someone when they need you?"

You pulled away and looked at him. He was legitimately asking you this question.

"Among other things... yeah," you said, wiping your tears away. "Did you... not know that?"

He shrugged and looked away.

"Your family?" you tried to ask. You couldn't actually ask the question because it seemed so ridiculous. Surely Loki had been... loved... at some point.

He shook his head slowly.

"They may claim to love me... but in the end... I am adopted. I am not their flesh and blood. I do not believe they would be there if I needed them."

He said it so matter-of-factly that it shook you. It didn't occur to him how sad it was that no one had loved him. You had to believe that the reverse was true. He had probably never felt strongly enough about anyone to be there for them when they needed it... Until now. When the realization hit, it surprised you. Who had been there when your heart was broken? Loki. Who had been there when you disowned your father? Loki.

Love is being there for someone when they need it.

You didn't say anything for a while. You weren't sure of it yet, but you suspected. Loki might actually... love you. Another revelation that you had not seen coming.

"I'm sorry," you said, after another moment of silence.

"For what?"

"That you've never felt love... It's sad," you said, hugging him tightly now. Maybe if you squeezed tight enough, you could heal that crack within him.

"Is it?" he asked, as if he were asking about the weather.

You pulled away from the hug to look up at him. His green eyes seemed genuinely questioning.

"Yes," you said. He frowned slightly.

You couldn't bear to see him looking so lost. You wanted to tell him that it was going to be okay - that you would love him. But you couldn't. That was merely an empathetic impulse, you told yourself. You couldn't go around adopting all the lost and stray puppies, just like you couldn't tell every sad man that you loved him. You honestly still didn't know what you felt for Loki.

Would you be there when he needed you? You couldn't answer one way or another at the moment. Part of you wanted to say yes.

"Hey," you said, trying to sound cheerful. "Why don't we continue our walk... Somewhere else," you added, not glancing over to where your father still undoubtedly stood.

He shook his head as if clearing the thoughts away and gave a small smile. Much better than a frown.

"Of course," he said. "Anything you want."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drowns in lovely comments* it's too much you guys, you make me blush... and encourage me to keep writing! haha I hope I can live up to your expectations :)

As you dressed for bed, you kept going over the afternoon in your mind. After the little stumble, you and Loki had gone on to have a really rather nice walk. It surprised you how easily you could talk with him now. You had a lot in common. You had finally found someone that didn't tire of discussion literature, character development, or those tiny little discrepancies. Loki even pointed out some new things about texts that you hadn't noticed before. You were really starting to enjoy your time with him. And... if his enthusiasm was an indication, he enjoyed spending time with you as well. In fact, you had made plans to get together the day after tomorrow.

You would have planned for tomorrow, but the king was returning. Odin had been away for some time now and you had forgotten about him. Life had gone on without the old man just fine, but apparently a celebration of his return was in order. It was supposed to be a sort of welcome back party combined with your and Loki's engagement party.

The thought of the wedding didn't scare you as much as it once did. Now you were not marrying a scary, unpredictable madman. You were marrying a sensitive, intelligent, charming man. One that you had grown rather fond of.

However, you did not look forward to the stares of the many people that would be attending the party. Most of the nobles had been invited. You were to dine and dance with them. A sea of strangers.

Climbing into bed, the thought that comforted you was that as soon as the day was over, the next would come, and that was the day you would spend with Loki.

**

The day passed quickly as servants ran up and down the halls and the kitchen buzzed with excitement. Everyone was getting ready for the party. Lilla had helped you into an extravagant gown that seemed to be made of moonlight. It shined so gorgeously when you moved, you were in awe of it.

Looking at the time, you realized you had better go down. Everyone would be arriving soon and dinner would begin. You would be meeting the king for the first time too, you realized. How fun...

When you arrived at the dining hall you were quickly escorted to the back of the room where there was an exclusive table for royals. The rest of the hall held larger tables, accommodating everyone else. You didn't particularly like the idea of being separated, but who were you to comment on things of that sort?

You were soon joined by Frigga, Loki and Thor. Loki slipped into the seat next to yours and smiled at you. You hadn't seen him since the previous day and you were startled to feel how much you had missed him.

"You look ravishing tonight," Loki said in a low voice, skimming his eyes over your dress.

Your cheeks flushed and you thanked him for his compliment. He was about to say something else that would no doubt have made you blush even deeper, but he was interrupted by the entrance of his father.

Odin was shorter than you had expected. His white hair made him look wise, although it could have easily been a facade. He walked in confidently and everyone stood. They all clapped and you and Loki joined in, apparently the only two who did not believe this unceremonious entrance deserved attention.

Odin hushed the crowd with a wave of his hand.

"Thank you for coming this evening!" he said, in a grand voice. "Let us eat and celebrate both my return, and my son Loki's engagement to such a fine princess!"

The crowd cheered again and you and Loki both looked at each other uncomfortably. Thor and Odin might be used to the spotlight, but not you two. Thankfully the moment was over as quickly as it had begun and you were seated and served.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," you said, trying to sound pleasant towards Odin. There was something about him that made you uneasy.

"And you, my dear," he said, eying you carefully.

You fidgeted, unsure whether to say anything more or let someone else take over the conversation. Apparently others were inclined to come to your aid. Frigga and Thor started asking Odin about his time away, to which he happily told tales you only half listened to.

You were quite happy to eat your food and focus on the man beside you. Loki ate sparingly, but at least he ate. The bread was your favorite part of the meal, but the rest was delicious also. You had a mouth full of food when Odin addressed you again.

"I think we should get back to talking about the princess," he said, motioning to you. You quickly swallowed without chewing, much to the discomfort of your throat.

"Oh, no. There's not much to discuss," you said, keeping your eyes on your food.

"I don't think that's true! I mean, who else would be so... brave?" he asked.

You cocked an eyebrow. Brave? What about you had been brave? You could feel Loki tense up. Something bad was coming.

"How do you mean?"

"Look at my son," Odin said with a smile. You did so. Loki's eyes were dark. "Not an easy man to be wed to eh?" he asked. Perhaps, but it was not the place of a father to ridicule his son.

"I don't know," you said with more venom in your voice than you originally intended. "He has been very nice to me."

Odin gave a hearty laugh. Thor and Frigga looked as worried as you felt.

"Nice?" Odin asked, sipping his wine. Perhaps he shouldn't drink so much, you thought. "If you hadn't come along my dear, I do not believe we would have found anyone who would have married him by choice. Nice is not a word that describes my son."

He laughed as if he had told the most amazing joke. You glanced at Loki and noticed he was stabbing his thigh with his fork. You weren't sure if he even noticed it, but you quickly moved your hands under the table to stop him. At your touch his hands relaxed. He allowed you to guide the fork out of his leg and you lightly rubbed the affected spot.

You gave him a worried glance but he would not look at you.

"Buying a bride turned out for the best it seems. You are quite beautiful," Odin said, hoping to please you with this statement. You forced a smile, not wanting to upset the most powerful man in the room.

"Thank you," you said. "But I am sure Loki would have found someone far more worthy of his time." You hoped your modesty would move Odin to admit something nice about his son. It seemed to have the opposite effect.

"Worthy?" he guffawed again. "What kind of sorcery does he have you under?"

Now that you had taken away his fork, Loki was grinding his fingernails into his legs. You placed a hand on his, trying to calm him but it was swatted away. Loki's lips were pressed into a tight line and when he stood up, his chair shot backwards.

"Excuse me," he said in a too calm voice.

You watched him leave, every muscle in his back was tense. You longed to go after him... should you?

Frigga was watching you carefully. Odin seemed to be enjoying his wine. Thor was busy with his leg of meat.

You couldn't fight it anymore.

"Excuse me," you said, following by example. Frigga nodded knowingly and Odin frowned.

You sped across the room and into the hall to find Loki fuming. He was pacing back and forth in the hallway muttering under his breath. Servants knowingly avoided him.

You felt like you were approaching a wild animal. Afraid that he would lash out, you spoke before getting too close.

"Loki?"

"What?!" he yelled at you. When he turned and realized who it was, he calmed down a little. He stopped the frantic pacing and turned to you.

"I just... wanted to make sure..."

"What?" he spat at you. "That poor little Loki wasn't broken? That daddy's words didn't slice him open?" he was yelling indirectly at his father... through you. You recognized that. But the sting of his voice didn't hurt any less because of it.

"I don't deserve this," you said calmly. He faltered. He blinked and shook his head.

"No. You don't. You don't deserve any of it," he said, suddenly thoughtful.

"What?" you didn't think he meant just this little spat.

"You don't deserve to have to be married to me. My father is right. What do I have to offer you? Nothing. If you were to marry, say, Thor, you'd be golden. I'm sure that's what you'd want. That's what everyone wants."

He almost spoke to himself. You were sure these were thoughts he had repeated to himself over and over because of Odin.

"No," you said, stepping closer to him. "What your father said... It wasn't fair, or justified." You tried to assess whether or not it was safe for you to continue inching closer to him. Not just yet. "You are not nothing. And you should not compare yourself to others. You are different than Thor, and others, yes. But that is not a bad thing."

Now was the time. His eyes had softened and he was listening to you. You reached out to him and he let you. You held his hand for a moment before continuing.

"A father should not say such things to his son," you said.

"Adopted son," he corrected.

"Semantics. A father does not say such things. You are worthy of love. You are intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and charming - when you want to be," you added with a small smile. "And you may be a tad tumultuous... but no one is perfect."

He listened as you spoke. You weren't sure whether or not these few words could undo what you guessed to be a lifetime of conditioning.

He squeezed your hand.

"Do you really think so?" his eyes were large, questioning, innocent.

"Yes," you said.

"Thank you," he whispered. You weren't even sure he really said it.

When you couldn't stand it anymore you moved closer to him and kissed him. You just felt the urge sweep over you and could not ignore it. And it wasn't that you pitied Loki, or that you felt badly because he was so openly pathetic in this moment. You kissed him because you wanted to. You wanted him to know - with more than words - that he was not alone. Someone cared for him. His father was wrong.

His lips were cool and soft and gave in easily to your kiss. He pulled away and held you face in his hands.

"You were there?" he asked. You looked at him questioningly. "You were there for me... when I needed you... just now. You were there."

It took you a moment to understand what he was asking.

Love is being there for someone when they need you.

Oh.

You looked up at him and kissed him again. You couldn't answer any other way. Yes... you supposed you had been there for him. You hadn't even _considered_ not being there. It was an automatic response from the moment Odin had begun to speak.

When you pulled away from the kiss, you couldn't read Loki's face. Although he held you in his arms, he felt rigid. Maybe it was your imagination.

He looked at you searchingly for a moment and then stepped backwards.

"I must go," he said. Again, a stone face. Unreadable.

"Okay," you said, your voice shaky. His kiss had awoken something inside you. You had kissed him before but had not felt anything like this. You wanted more... and here he was, leaving. "I'll see you tomorrow?" you asked hopefully.

He paused. "Sure," he said, although his eyes did not meet yours. Something seemed off.

You wandered back to your room, unable to face your party. Too bad the engagement party was without its honored couple.

The amount you cared surmounted to nothing. It wasn't about you anyway, really.

You walked quietly and pensively until you reached your door. Entering, you disrobed and got ready for bed. You still felt the tingle on your lips from the kiss. You also felt a gnawing in your gut. You had more or less told Loki that you were falling in love with him. And he seemed... off. Something was wrong, you could sense it. And yet... you had to tell yourself it would be okay. You would see him tomorrow and everything would be fine. Because you... loved him... or you were starting to anyway. And what could go wrong with that?


	13. Chapter 13

You felt the knot tighten in your stomach during the day. That angst you had felt the previous day was starting to validate itself. Loki had not come for you. The day you were supposed to spend together was not going to happen. You searched around the halls, the library, and even the kitchen in search of your prince.

You picked at your nails in anxiety. Where was he? Clearly avoiding you, was the answer. But why? You had thought... well... you kissed him.. you had pretty much told him that you were falling for him, or at least that you were starting to care deeply for him.

Was this his rejection?

You tried to shake it off. Maybe he got called away and hadn't thought to tell you. Unlikely.

You passed familiar faces in the halls, but none that grabbed your attention once you realized they weren't him. When did this happen? When did you start revolving your world around this man? Not weeks ago you would have done anything to avoid him and now you were actively seeking him out.

Wandering the halls was starting to wear you out. You walked back, intending to go to your room when you saw him. Well, more accurately, you saw his back going around a corner. You quickened your pace and followed him to a deserted part of the hallway.

"Loki!" you said. The desperation in your voice surprised you.

He quickly turned to the sound of your voice. His face was blank. He stopped, but did not look as if he were pleased to see you.

"Yes?" he asked. It was as if you had never met. His eyes were emotionless, cold. His expression was carefully neutral. You were but a passing stranger to him.

"We... had plans?" you asked tentatively. Now you felt like maybe the whole thing was a dream. His distance made you wonder if any of it had happened.

For a moment something flickered in his eyes... sadness? it was gone as quickly as it had come and left you dumbfounded.

"The princess will forgive me if I excuse myself from any and all plans concerning her from now on," he said formally. It was as if he were asking to be excused from dinner.

"What?" you couldn't help the emotion building inside you. Who was this person? This was not the intelligent, emotional man you knew lay somewhere inside. "Come on," you said, reaching out to him.

Loki recoiled and gave a look of... fear?

"Leave me alone," he said dangerously. "I do not wish to see you anymore." The coldness of his voice froze your heart.

"But what about last night? I-"

"Can't you see, I don't want to see you anymore?" he said, his voice rising. Well that was hardly going to happen. You were to be married in a month. A legality, you supposed. Still... why didn't he want to see you?

"Loki," you said, trying to remain calm.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" he yelled suddenly. Your mind flashed back to the servant in the dining hall. You searched his eyes, looking for anger but found none. Again - his face was contorted in angry features but it did not reach his eyes. The act? For you? Why?

You were about to protest. You reached out again, hoping that you touch would once again calm him.

Before you realized what was happening, his hands were on your shoulders. He shoved you harshly into the wall. Your head connected with the stone and you shut your eyes in pain. When you opened them Loki was inches from your face. His own countenance was still unreadable. Neutral. But his words held enough venom to kill.

"I mean it, Princess. Stay away from me."

You shook under his grip. With one last glare, he left you standing alone in the hallway. Before you could stop yourself your shoulders were shaking with sobs. You watched him start to walk away. He stopped and you thought he might turn around, but you were wrong. He walked away slowly.

You slid down the wall and pulled your knees to your chest. The tears came faster than you expected. You were scared, yes, but also a little heartbroken. After last night you had thought that maybe... but it was just like Brandt all over again. You had started to love someone only to have your heart ripped out of your chest.

Once your mind had cleared away the initial shock, you stood on wavering legs. You didn't think. You simply walked. Your legs took you to the thinly wooded area. The grass and leaves turned from green to blue to purple and you kept walking.

Your hand slid over the cracked tree. You had no magic to make it beautiful. You could not fix the tree. The rigid bark was cold. You dragged your hand along the broken bark. Your skin snagged on a jagged piece and it pierced through your skin, drawing blood. You looked down, uncaring.

You replayed everything that had happened in the hall. Loki's expression, or lack there of, still haunted you. It did remind you of his act in front of his family. What could that mean?

As always, you thought logically. What had changed? Well, last night, you had more or less told Loki that you loved him by being there for him when he needed you. As per your definition which you supplied him, he would have interpreted it that way. Okay, so why would he turn around and act like he didn't know you? Why would he suddenly want nothing to do with you?

The red dribbled from your finger and you tried to wipe it away. Stupid really. You knew that the bark was sharp and yet you dragged your skin along it anyway. It wasn't the tree's fault, that's just how it was made. Perhaps the crack even defended it from certain animals or insects that wanted to get inside.

Oh.

When the revelation hit you you almost laughed. Of course. You had gotten too close to him. You had gotten to the most vulnerable part of him, and he had pricked your skin to try and make you stay away. He was protecting himself. After years and years of defense, you had started to make your way close to him. Your declaration last night had made him realize just how intimate you were becoming. And that was dangerous to him. Someone close to him could hurt him.Big, strong Loki would never allow that. His yelling and pushing were not evidence of madness or violence. They were evidence of something much deeper. You stroked the tree again, this time more carefully.He was defending himself from the possibility that you would hurt him.It was understandable. It made sense. And you felt for him. You yearned to reconcile somehow - to make him understand that you had no intention of hurting him. And yet, should you? What had you done to deserve being treated in such a manner? You had not yelled at him or made him fear for his safety. Sighing, you realized you could not blame a beaten dog for lashing out because of a trigger. No, you didn't deserve this treatment, but neither did Loki. He did not deserve to be the least favorite son, the lesser brother, the misunderstood trickster.He deserved to be loved.

But how could you make him see that?


	14. Chapter 14

Not wasting any time you ran to Loki's chambers. You didn't bother knocking on the door, you burst in. He turned, surprised by the intrusion. He had been getting ready for a bath, half undressed. Your eyes skimmed the curves of his chest and you were momentarily distracted. He quickly pulled on a shirt and stormed towards you.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone!" he yelled. You stood your ground although your feet wished for you to flee.

"No." Your voice was firmer than you felt. Your knees threatened to give out at any moment. Loki stopped about a foot in front of you. You had closed the door behind you, knowing there would be yelling and not wanting to draw attention to yourselves.

You tried to look confident as you sauntered into the middle of the room. This way at least you would have the length of the room to talk if he tried to drag you out.

"Listen, I don't know what you think you're doing, but you're making a big mistake," Loki said. His eyes were on the floor, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.

"No, Loki. The mistake is yours. This... this running away from me. That's the mistake."

He was clearly not expecting that.

"I'm not running away," he seemed disgusted at the idea. "I am no coward."

You snorted. "Yes you are. Maybe not in the sense that you're used to. You're no doubt a great soldier. But this is different. You cannot protect your heart with a sword."

He smiled at you coldly. More defenses. You were ready for this - for him to resist you. You knew that this was just the rigid bark pricking your finger.

"I don't know what you think happened between us. I am not interested in spending time with you. Our marriage will be merely a legality. I never wanted you."

Even though you were convinced this was an act... he was a good actor. The words hurt.

"Stop it, Loki. You know that we had something... the start of something. And I don't want to throw that away. I want to know you. I want... I think I might..."

He cocked his head, watching you as if you were a squirming worm.

"I think I might love you..." you whispered.

A devilish laugh came from him. He started pacing back and forth in front of you, putting on quite the display.

"My dear Princess, you are mistaken."

"I think you might love me too," you added, watching him. For a moment he wavered, but he quickly resumed his stone mask.

"I do not," he said coldly.

"You can't deny the past," you said, passionately. "We've spent time together, time we both enjoyed. You were there for me with Brandt," you forced yourself to say his name even though it still stung. "You were there for me with my father and I was there for you with yours. Don't pretend like we mean nothing to each other."

He spoke quietly to you with intensity.

"You may believe that I comforted you, but you do not know me. When I was holding you, I was _smiling_ at your pain."

You felt yourself on the verge of tears but pushed them away. What would you expect? This was incredibly difficult for him, of course he would try to push you away further. You could go. You could leave now. You didn't have to endure this. But you stayed. There was too much to lose.

"You weren't" you said. Who were you trying to convince now?

"You don't know me," he said.

"No. Maybe I don't," you said. "But I am trying to, Loki. Please. Just let me in. I promise I won't hurt you," your eyes had betrayed you and allowed the tears to fall. Through them you thought you might have seen the prince's face soften.

"How can you promise that?" he said softly.

You had been right. This was an act.

"So you do care," you said, more as a reassurance to yourself. If he truly did not love you, he wouldn't have asked that. He wouldn't have cared about your promises.

"No... I--" Loki said, thrown off by your insight. He couldn't recover. That silver tongue was tied for the moment, think of other ways to convince you that he was the monster that parents tell their kids about at night. You took the moment by the horns.

"Yes, you do. And I do too. Just _please_ , Loki. Let me in. Believe me, you're not alone in this. I am risking a lot too."

It was true. It wasn't as though this was all Loki's risk.

"My heart has been broken once before... I don't exactly wish to relive that."

He thought for a moment. When he brought his eyes to meet yours you were surprised by how much they had softened.

"A gamble for two," he said quietly.

You took the opportunity to step forwards. Now you were standing just before him. The tears still fell lightly from your eyes and you went to wipe them away but his hands stopped yours.

"I am going to mess up," Loki said, using his own hands to wipe your tears away. His touch soothed you even though it probably should have made you nervous. Not two minutes ago he was threatening you.

"I know, I probably will too," you admitted, unwilling to look up at him.

"And you still want to try this?" he asked. His tone was calm, but you could tell he was not unattached.

"I think that anything worth having has a risk in getting it," you said. You could feel his resolve softening and he pulled you into his arms. You felt him rest his chin on your head and you wrapped your arms around him.

"How did you know?" he asked after moments of silence.

You pulled away to look at him.

"How did I know what?" you asked.

"That I was lying? I'm an excellent liar. I've fooled my entire kingdom my whole life." He seemed almost... impressed with you.

"I don't know," you admitted. "I just... had a feeling."

Loki still looked at you like a puzzle but you had no more words in you. You could not explain what made you question him. You just noticed him... you studied him... you looked at him the way no one else did... or would.

"Oh little one," he said, hugging you tightly. "Where do we go from here?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *squeals* you guys are spoiling me with lovely comments. thank you so much :)

Where indeed.

You looked into those eyes and saw a whole world that was yet to be explored. So many possibilities, some of them frightening, if you were being honest.

You were very aware of his hands on your waist and his breath on your skin. You had no words. You just kissed him. For a moment you could just enjoy each other and the future that lay ahead. You didn't think about anything but his lips on yours, his hands delicately caressing your sides. You slipped your hands to the back of his neck and ran your tongue along his bottom lip.

When you broke the kiss you were nearly breathless. Your heart was beating fast and you were sure your pupils were the size of saucers. He was intoxicating. Every fiber of you was tingling. He looked at you hungrily but did not seize you back as you were expecting.

He was still waiting for an answer.

You closed your eyes and touched your forehead to his. "I don't know," you answered honestly. "I've never had... anything like this."

"Me either," he said lightly. He paused a moment and pulled away to look at you. "Can I show you something?" he asked innocently.

You were unsure where this was going. He looked sort of excited so you nodded. He took your hand and led you out into the hallway. During all of your emotional drama this evening, you hadn't realized how late it had gotten. The hallways were just about empty, except for the odd servant here and there.

You knew this pathway quite well. Loki was leading you to the library. What could he have to show you in there? You had already been there countless times.

You let him lead you anyway, watching his face carefully for any hints of what was to come. His face was a mixture of excitement and apprehension. Apprehension of what? Were you about to do something dangerous?

The fact that you could read his face was promising. He had dropped the stone mask for now... letting you see a little piece of his mind.

You reached the library fairly quickly as Loki's pace was rather fast. He opened the door slowly. At this late hour, there was no one in the room except the old librarian. She smiled at the two of you, but Loki paid her no mind. You nodded hello for the both of you and were dragged to the back of the enormous room.

"Where are we going?" you finally asked. "What are you showing me?" you couldn't keep the excitement out of your voice.

Loki turned to you and stopped walking. You were in front of a very old bookcase in the rear of the room. It stood next to a large window through which only a little moonlight peaked through. His face was serious now.

"I have never shown this to anyone," he said. "No one knows about this except me."

You looked around, pretty sure that most people knew about the back corner of the library. The skepticism played on your face and he rolled his eyes.

"Not this," he said. He raised his hand to a large, leather bound book and made to pull it out, but merely tilted it. Something clicked and the bookcase moved slightly. "This," he smiled and pushed the shelves.

The doorway was small enough that you had to lean down to duck your head under. Loki let you through first. You were pleased to say this was your very first secret passageway experience. Once you made it in, Loki followed you, carefully, and somehow gracefully ducking under the low arch.

Instantly your breath was snatched away. You were vaguely aware of Loki closing the shelf door behind you and moving to stand in back of you.

The room was filled with shelves that grew all the way to the high ceilings. Across from the door was a fireplace that was already blazing. Some chairs were scattered here and there, most looked more comfortable than your bed. The floor was stone but had large rugs to cover most of it. It was warm and lovely. Some books lay on the arms of the chairs, some on the floor. Bits of paper were scattered here and there.

You felt a hand on your chin pushing lightly up and realized Loki was helping you not to gape. It was the most comfortable, heavenly room you had ever seen.

"What is this place?" you asked dreamily, moving to stroke some of the book spines.

Loki watched you carefully. He seemed amused by your amazement, but also a little nervous.

"It's my secret," he said quietly. He sat down in a chair that made him look small somehow. He dragged his long fingers along the arm of it, still watching you.

"How did you find it?" you asked. He merely shrugged. "I have had a lot of time by myself," was all he offered.

You didn't push it. You wanted to drink in the room. It smelled of old books and smoke.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"I love it, Loki," you said, still distracted by the treasures of the room.

He stood and walked over to you.

"I have not shown this to anyone. This is one thing that is... was mine."

He looked at you, waiting for you to understand. Oh. This was his. And he was sharing it with you. Loki did not share. Not with anyone. Until now. Realizing how big of a step this was for him, your heart melted. He was serious about giving this a try.

You stepped closer and cupped his face with your hands.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," you said earnestly. He sighed deeply. He must have been afraid to show you this - something that was one hundred percent him. The gravity of that gesture did not escape you.

You kissed him passionately and felt his response immediately. His hands draped across your back and pulled you to him. Your chest pressed against his torso and you felt dizzy.

You felt your cheeks flush as his lips left your mouth and trailed down your jaw and your neck. You wrapped your hands in his hair and held on, afraid that your legs would give out.

"You are exquisite, little one," he whispered close to your ear. You shivered. He looked into your eyes.

Once you regained to speak you said, " _This_ is exquisite, Loki. Are all of these yours?" you asked, gesturing to the books.

"More or less," he smiled mischievously. "These are my favorites... Ones I didn't want to share with anyone."

You looked around at the probably hundreds of books. An impressive amount of favorites.

"If you had to pick one?" you asked, knowing how hard of a question it was for a book lover to answer.

He chuckled softly, a sound you could very well get used to.

"Impossible," he responded.

"Quite right," you smiled.

He smiled but it faded as a thought occurred to him. He spoke slowly, softly. He was taking a chance.

"Perhaps," he said, tucking your hair behind your ear, "The best story is yet to be written."

His eyes were questioning you, waiting to see what you would say. It was strange to see him so open, so vulnerable. Such a change from the shouting, angry shield he held up. You wondered how long it would last, and if you were worthy to see it.

You felt the tears building in your eyes as a concerned look washed over Loki's features.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

You just shook your head and kissed him fiercely. He responded and you soon found yourselves tangled in each other. He was everywhere and everything. There was no space between you. Everything just felt... right.

You kissed for a long time until your head was spinning and your knees were weak again.

The fire had started to die down. You wondered who kept it up if it was a secret room. Perhaps some kind of enchantment.

"What would you like to do now?" he asked, when you had taken a break for air.

Your answer was interrupted by your stomach. You realized that through your anxiety during the day you hadn't eaten, and with your recent drama you had missed dinner. Loki gave a low breathy laugh. It still startled you to hear him laugh. Hopefully you could make it happen more often.

"Food?" you suggested.

"Food," he agreed.

The two of you snuck out of Loki's secret room and into the library. You slipped out and down to the kitchen. It was getting late and you didn't expect to see anyone.

Loki had his hand in yours and it felt... nice. It felt like you two were in school and you were part of some secret club. You noticed that a hint of a smile did not leave Loki's face as you walked.

When you arrived at the kitchen, you were surprised to see Thor there. Well, you supposed you shouldn't be surprised. He was constantly eating.

Thor turned to see the two of you walk into the kitchen. His eyes darted down to your entwined hands and a confused, but pleased look came onto his handsome features.

"Good evening," he said, like he had caught you in a compromising position.

"Evening," Loki responded easily.

"And what are you two doing out and about so late? You missed dinner."

You and Loki shared a glance and smiled at the floor.

"I hope you were respected, m'lady," he chided.

You blushed, remembering Loki's hands on your body. Although it was merely a kiss, the passions you experienced felt far more illicit.

"How was dinner?" you asked, trying to get away from the subject of you and Loki.

"Grand," Thor said. It was always grand, wasn't it?

"Good," you said. Loki moved around the kitchen looking for food. "We regret missing it now," you laughed, hearing  your stomach growl again.

"I doubt that," Thor winked at you. Loki did not hear that comment. You chuckled. Thor seemed happy for the two of you at least. That felt nice. Not that you needed validation but... someone else believed in the two of you... that was reassuring at least.

"You may join me if you like," Thor offered, pushing his plate of meats forward. Loki looked at it and smiled.

"We may just do that," he said. "Where is everyone?"

"Surprisingly,the servants are allowed to sleep," Thor jested. Loki rolled his eyes and grabbed a piece of meat from the tray. You followed suit.

Your stomach was soon quieted and you sat around the kitchen with Thor and Loki. Loki seemed more at ease with Thor than you had ever seen him. Small comments and gestures that he would normally have stare daggers at did not seem to phase him as much.

Thor talked easily with you and Loki for a while before you felt yourself becoming very sleepy.

Loki noticed your drooping eyes.

"I think we'll call it a night," he said, patting Thor on the shoulder. "Thank you, brother."

Thor's look of surprise warranted a giggle from you.

Loki held his arm out for you and you went to his side. He slid his arm around your waist and the two of you walked out towards your room.

He walked you inside and led you to the bed. He kissed your forehead.

"Goodnight, little one," he said softly.

"Goodnight," you said reluctantly. He made to leave but you grabbed his hand.

"Will you stay with me?" you asked innocently. The thought of being without him tonight did not appeal to you.

"If you would like," he answered.

You certainly weren't read to actually _spend the night_ with him in that way, but you wanted his body close to yours. You wanted him close to you in general. In every sense of the word. You knew that he sensed that and he did not try to make any advances. Perhaps he wasn't quite ready either.

You changed into your sleeping clothes. He merely took off his shirt and trousers. His underwear left little to the imagination and you tried not to blush.

You had seen him swimming but this was different, more personal. His perfect body made you self conscious about your own. It was enough that he was there with you for the moment though. His skin glistened in the moonlight. He smoothly joined you under the covers of your bed. You lay on your side and he carefully snuggled up behind you, burying his face in your neck. He kissed along your hairline lightly as he wrapped his arm around your midsection.

You sighed and closed your eyes.

All the nights you had spent in this castle had been more or less restless. When you woke up, you'd forget where you were and realize that you were not at home. You were pervaded with a sense of loss.

But now when you lay with Loki in this bed, the emptiness did not fill you.

You knew that you would rest peacefully and wake with happiness. You were mostly asleep already when Loki whispered three words. You could only guess what they were through the haze of sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

You woke to soft kisses on your neck. At first you were alarmed. Who was in bed with you? But when you started to wake up, you realized that it was Loki who snuggled close to you.

You smiled a stupid, silly, smile and rolled over. He kissed your nose and you giggled. Since when had you giggled?

"Good morning, little one," he said softly.

"Good morning," you returned. Your faces were still close enough together that you only had to lean forward a few inches to kiss his lips. His hand rested on your hip, his thumb drawing small circles. "What do you have to do today?" you asked, knowing that a prince was nearly always busy.

He shrugged. "I do what I please," he said with a twinkle in his eyes.

You rolled your eyes playfully. Things had definitely changed since last night. Loki's whole demeanor with you was... softer, more accessible. You had changed too. You weren't afraid of him anymore. Well... that wasn't entirely true. You knew that he wouldn't physically hurt you at least.

Your mind was spinning already with thoughts of things that could go wrong. He could break your heart. He certainly seemed to hold in his hands easily enough. All he had to do was close his hand into a fist and crush it. Would you trust him not to? You tried to shoo the thought away, but it lingered. Like he had said, it was a gamble for two.

He leaned in and kissed you, helping the thoughts escape into the air. His hand on your hip moved to your back and pulled you closer to him. He then rolled onto his back, pulling you on top of him. Of this you had no complaint. You lazily kissed him as he ran his hands down your back.

You started to feel his arousal pressing into you and were startled. You had almost no experience with men. It was an area you were particularly shy about actually. Things like that... well... you had always held intimacy to a high standard. No one who wasn't close to you had a chance. And since no one had gotten close to you... you had not done anything.

You didn't know if Loki had the same standards. From the way he kissed you hungrily and his experienced hands, you'd guess not. And that was fine. But you were going to have to tell him to wait for you to catch up.

He started to pull at the strings of your nightgown, gently pulling at the sleeves so they fell off of your shoulders. Alright, you thought. This is okay. He slid the top of your gown down to reveal your breasts. He rolled over so that you were beneath him, never breaking the kiss. You couldn't help the moan that escaped you when he touched your breast lightly, teasing the nipple. He smiled into the kiss.

There was fire spreading through you. This felt good. You were comfortable... until his hand started going lower. As he trailed past your navel you flinched and pulled away from him.

"Wait, Loki, stop," you said, breathless.

He was off of your in an instant. In fact, he had gone to the side of the bed and was pulling on his clothes. Where was he going?

You sat up and touched his shoulder gently. He pulled away and stood up, pulling on his pants in the process.

"Where are you going?" you asked.

He looked at you like a hurt puppy.

Once he saw your expression he looked confused.

"Don't you want me... to go?" he asked.

"No..." you said. "Where did you get that idea?"

He looked surprised and sat back down.

"I just thought... you said to stop. I thought you didn't want me anymore."

You put your hand to your forehead. Oh man.

"Loki, I just wanted to take things slower... not to stop completely."

His face and posture relaxed at this.

"I thought..." he trailed off.

"What?" you asked, moving to kiss his shoulder. His eyes slipped closed. He took a deep breath.

"I'm just constantly afraid that you will change your mind about me," he whispered. "In my mind I have everything packed at the door and ready to run just in case you realize..."

"I'm not going to realize anything because there's nothing to realize. Except perhaps how deeply I care for you."

He still did not look at you. You knew it was hard for him to talk about these things. At least he was trying though.

"And you're not the only one," you added. This was a gamble for two after all.

"I will not change my mind about you, little one," he said, as if it should have been obvious.

"Well how do I know that?" you asked.

"Don't be stupid," he said. "You know that because I lo--" he stopped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you stupid. I just... I _know_ what I feel. I know that I will be there for you. It is impossible for me to know what you feel," he confessed.

You were stuck on the word he had not completed but tried to continue anyway.

"There's one way," you said, placing a hand on his face and turning it towards you. He arched an eyebrow. "You could ask me," you said.

"Words," he rolled his eyes. 

"That's what I could say to you!" you nearly laughed. "Why does your word mean more than mine?"

He considered this for a moment.

"Loki, I care for you. I am not going to suddenly stop caring for you. Please believe me."

He gave a heavy sigh.

"You know that I wish I could. It's just... years of evidence has proven the opposite."

You reflected on that. Odin had surely told Loki he loved him and then clearly favored his other son.

"I will find a way to prove it to you one day," you smiled. "But for now, just know..." you sighed. This was it. Actually saying it. "That I love you."

There it was out there.

"I love you too," he said, finally looking at you.

You smiled because of how good it felt to hear him say that. You kissed him.

"Well, now. How nice is that?" you asked happily. He smiled, pulling your palm to his lips to kiss.

"It's pretty nice," he admitted sheepishly.

Your mind wandered to how you could show Loki that you did indeed... love him. You admitted it now. You knew that you had but saying out loud was something different. Now he held even more of your heart.

It did not escape you that you held his as well. You knew you had to walk carefully. It was delicate and very sensitive.

"Did we decide what we are going to do today?" he asked you absently.

"Anything you like," you said.

He smiled. The two of you decided to spend your day in Loki's secret room in the library. As soon as you entered, the fire turned on by itself. Loki strolled over to the shelf to the right of the fireplace and skimmed the spines with his fingers. He stopped on one of them and pulled it out. It was a small, brown, leather, book. He sat down in the large armchair and patted his lap.

"Come on," he said with a smile.

You walked over and curled up on his lap. There was more than enough room for the two of you in the large chair and you sat happily on his lap.

"Are you going to read to me?" you asked hopefully.

"If there are no objections," he said, looking down at you. You shook your head emphatically and he turned his attention to the book.

One hand held the book while the other cradled you. You laced your fingers through his free hand as he began to read.

"Once there was a boy," he started. His rich tones filled your ear and you listened as he told you about a brave boy in a foreign world, fighting monsters. You closed your eyes and felt the vibrations from his chest. You felt his hand in yours. You felt his heart beat against you as you laid your other hand on his chest. Peaceful. At home.

When he finished the story, neither of you moved much. He put the book down on the chair and kissed the top of your head. He ran his fingers through your hair.

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"Yes," you responded. "I did. Very much. I can see why it is one of your favorites."

He smiled and kissed your head again.

The way he held you felt so... natural. You seemed to fit into every curve of him. His arms cradled you in just the right way. You knew you could easily fall asleep but fought it off in favor of being in his presence. Imagine all the time you wasted not doing this. All that time lost because of your shields and fences - your guarded natures.

Thinking of the future didn't scare you anymore. You thought about it a lot now. What if the future was like this? All the time? You would take it. Curled up in Loki's arms felt more like home than you'd felt in a long time.

You knew that you would never grow bored with him. You knew that you would love his mind, as you had already started to - and there was so much more to discover. You knew that when he touched you, your skin tingled, and that eventually you would feel comfortable with him. You knew that he would not rush you nor you him.

"What are you thinking, little one?" he asked when you had remained silent for some time.

"Nothing," you said. "Just that I love you."

You smiled up at him and he kissed you lightly.

"Quite right," he whispered next to your lips. "I love you too."


	17. Chapter 17

Regretfully, you and Loki could not live solely on his favorite narratives. You needed sustenance and so were forced to attend dinner. Leaving the room together, you headed down to the dining hall.

As you passed various people in the hallways you noticed all of their eyes dart to your and Loki's entwined hands. Part of you felt self-conscious. As a princess you were used to people looking at you, but never with such confusion or disbelief. Surely the sight of Loki happy and with someone wasn't _that_ foreign to them... was it?

You tried to ignore them and focus on his hand in yours, his smile, and keeping up with his rapid pace. Those long legs strode quite quickly. You tried to match his stride but struggled at times.

There were more attendees at this dinner than were normal for the time. You and Loki took your seat near the King and Queen, sitting next to each other. Loki whispered in your ear, little inside jokes that you had started to accumulate with your time together. You both giggled like school children. You were looking at him when you felt eyes on you. Turning, you saw the King and Queen, and now Thor staring blankly at you.

You cleared your throat, feeling like you'd done something wrong.

"My apologies," you offered, unsure if they were necessary. "How are you all this evening?" you tried. Perhaps they were indignant that you and Loki had been so self centered and not greeted them when you arrived.

The Queen looked as though she'd just witnessed the passing of some mythological creature. Her expression was a mix of awe and curiosity. She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts and smiled lightly at you.

"It's quite fine my dear. Forgive us if we don't... recognize the man you've brought to dinner." There was jest in her voice, but also truth.

Loki seemed to stiffen beside you. Perhaps he was not comfortable with this new part of himself in front of his family.

You reached for his hand and tried to show you supported him.

Odin, thankfully, said nothing, as he was too busy drinking wine and eating.

"I like this man," Thor declared, giving his brother an approving smile.

"I am not a different _person_ ," Loki said darkly. There was spite in his voice, reminding you that above that newly exposed kindness, there was in fact, that layer or defense still waiting.

"You may as well be," Thor said, still lightly. "When was the last time you laughed in front of us?"

Loki went to open his mouth but Thor interrupted.

"Calm down, brother. We are pleased with this lighter side of you."

Loki was still seething. Definitely not used to being seen as _light_. You could understand his discomfort. He had spent his whole life building up this image to keep his family out. Now that you had started to break that image apart, he was scared. He wasn't ready to be the way he was with you with them. You didn't know if he would ever be ready. If he _should_ ever be ready.

You noticed that Loki was bending a fork with the hand that was not in yours. The strength it must have taken... were those the same hands you allowed to touch you?

You made it through dinner without an incident, other than a bent fork. You tried to keep things light. You talked to Frigga and Thor, all the while calmly stroking Loki's hand with your thumb. He engaged when it moved him, but not often. You actually had a pretty nice time. Odin was fairly silent - apparently very hungry - which helped put you and Loki at ease.

After dinner, Frigga pulled you aside. You regretfully left Loki's side to speak to her.

"I am rather proud of you," she said quietly, looking over at Loki. He looked almost lost, standing around waiting for you.

"Why?" you asked.

"It is not a small task to get past that armor is it?" she said knowingly. "You are brave. Please... keep trying," she added.

You nodded and bade her goodnight. Loki eyed you suspiciously, his eye darting back to his mother.

"What was that?" he asked.

You wrapped your arms around him.

"Your mother commends me," you said.

"For?"

"For being with you. For trying to be with you." You knew he knew what you meant.

"The only one to try," he muttered to himself, but you heard it. You pulled him out into the hallway and found a corner.

"Hey," you said, pulling him up against you. The stone was cold on your back. "I love you, remember?"

He searched your eyes for the lie. It broke your heart. He still did not fully believe you. You sighed, pulling him in for a kiss. Would he ever believe it?

"Your mother is just happy to see you happy."

"Am I happy?" he asked. There was mischief in his eyes. He was teasing you. You rolled your eyes, avoiding the fact that he was deflecting. You would make him understand that he was loved one day.

You looked up into those eyes of his and sighed. You certainly were happy. At least happier than when you had gotten here. And maybe even more than before that. These past few weeks had been... an experience to say the least.

"I think you are," you said, kissing him. You slid your tongue into his mouth and tangled your hands in his hair. You purposefully kissed him harder and then pulled away. "Nah, I think you're miserable," you joked, seeing his fluttering eyes and loose mouth.

He opened his eyes all the way and smiled darkly at you.

"You'll pay for that," he whispered. He grabbed you and lifted you up. He started carrying you to his room. You pretended to flail and rebel against him, all the while giggling. He eyed you with an amused smile. The looks you got from passersby were quickly turned away when Loki glared at them. When you made it to his room, Loki gently laid you on the bed. He pressed his lips to yours.

You stopped giggling and focused on the tingling inside you. His hand grasped behind your neck and he lay next to you on the bed. You couldn't get enough of his mouth on yours. Suddenly the image of the bent fork came to your mind. Those hands were on you right now. They could snap you easily.

You were about to pull away when a thought occurred to you. Yes. He _could_ hurt you. But part of loving someone was trusting that they wouldn't.

Did you trust Loki?

You felt his soft hands on your flesh. No malice within them. Yes. You trusted him not to hurt you.

Your breaths mingled with his as your bodies rubbed together. You pulled away, not wanting to have the same conversation about not being ready again. He understood.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to resist you?" he asked, when you had made it clear that tonight was not the night.

You blushed. It wasn't as if he were alone in this. You wanted him. You were attracted to him. It just... didn't feel right yet. You loved him, and you trusted him not to hurt you. But... you didn't trust yourself. Not with being with him in that way yet... You were woefully inexperienced and a tad embarrassed. Not that you would admit that to him yet.

"I'm sorry, I--"

"No need to apologize," he said softly, kissing your neck. "I am in no rush. We have our whole lives," he added. Oh right. Marriage. You shivered half because of the thought, half because of his sensation. Maybe by the wedding night you'd be ready. Even then, you were sure Loki meant it. He would wait for you.

"I had an idea," you said, hesitantly.

"What's that?" he kissed your collarbone.

"I was thinking... that I wanted to get away. Just for a day. Like we did when we went to my kingdom?"  You remembered how badly that had ended. Still, the thought of getting away from the palace for a little was enticing. You were starting to get cabin fever.

"Alone?" he asked.

"No, of course not. I want you with me," you said, as if it should have been obvious. It should have, but perhaps not to Loki.

He smiled. "Alright. I have an idea of where to go."

You kissed him again, thankful for his understanding. You were sure he wouldn't mind a few hours away from here either.

You kissed for a while until you became sleepy. You changed into more comfortable clothes and snuggled up next to Loki. His cool breath was on your neck and his arm rested around your stomach. You felt safe, secure.

His response came back to you though. _"Alone?"_ No. Not alone. How could you make him see this? He would not believe that you loved him even if you tattooed it on your body. It wasn't his fault. You sighed, wishing there was a way to convince him. Perhaps time.

For now you had to content yourself with the feeling of his body pressed up against yours. You sighed happily, excited for what the next day's adventures might bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously thanks for all the comments they really keep me going. you guys are so sweet :)


	18. Chapter 18

You could hardly wait, but Loki insisted that you eat breakfast before departing. Rolling your eyes at him you scarfed down the breakfast the Lilla had brought the two of you.

Once you had convinced him you were full, you dressed and went to the stables. There was no point in disguising yourselves this time. You were safe enough with Loki and you were only going to a nearby village, not your... well it wasn't your kingdom anymore.

Loki helped you up onto your horse. You expected him to get another horse to ride, but he simply mounted yours and sat behind you. There was more than enough room on the saddle, but he sat right behind you and kissed your neck.

"Are we short a horse?" you teased.

"Yes," he chuckled. "Unfortunately we shall have to ride like this." He slipped an arm around your stomach and pulled your closer. As he whispered these words in your ear you closed your eyes. You swore that voice... it was bewitched.

With a sudden kick the two of you were off. You rode easily into the village, Loki's body tight behind yours. It didn't take long to arrive and you tied up your horse and dismounted. Loki took your hand and the two of you walked with no particular purpose.

He seemed more relaxed outside the palace. He breathed deeper, as did you. There were less expectations here.

Soon enough you were recognized by some children. They were quite frightened of Loki, but drawn to you.

You knelt down to them and asked their names. They giggled and told you. The three of them couldn't be more than eight.

Loki stood behind you, not quite knowing what to do in the presence of youth.

"You're so beautiful, Princess," one of the children said. "I hope I can be like you one day."

You laughed at the compliment. Children were so sweet sometimes.

"Thank you," you smiled. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" you asked.

"A Princess!" she exclaimed.

"Nah," you said lightly. "It's not all it's cracked up to be. A lot of waving and standing around," you joked. She laughed.

"A healer then," she said thoughtfully. You smiled, happy with her ambition.

"I wish I were as smart as you," you poked her little tummy. She giggled.

You stood and extended your hand backwards. Loki stepped forward and took it.

The children stepped back, looking at each other with warning glances.

"Don't be scared," you cooed. You could tell Loki was tense behind you. You drew circles on his hand with your thumb. "He's not as scary as he looks."

 _Doubtful_ , was the unspoken response from the children. You frowned in thought then turned to Loki. You stuck your finger under his lip and revealed his teeth.

"See? No fangs," you joked. The kids smiled. You poked Loki a few times in his stomach and he looked at you wearily. "He's a softy," you said. He looked harshly at you but you rolled your eyes.

"I am not a toy," he said. The kids laughed at this. It took a moment, but when he smiled, it was genuine.

The girl who had spoken to you came forward hesitantly.

You nudged Loki, giving him the look that he should get down to her level. He looked hesitant but obeyed.

Once he was at eye level the girl examined his face. She boldly pinched his cheek and you had to restrain a laugh. This was a man who had held a servant by the neck. Now he was reduced to a child's plaything. What exactly were you doing to him? You felt a small sense of pride.

"He's nice," she deemed, once she was done poking Loki's face. He stood back up and adjusted his clothing.

"Nice," he said with mock bitterness.

"I think so," you said to the girl and smiled at Loki.

There was a softness in his eyes. He seemed... happy. Content.

You bade the little kids goodbye and kept walking. Loki was looking at you but you tried to keep your eyes ahead. It seemed like he was gazing at you with some kind of wonder.

"What?" you finally asked, turning to look at him. He turned his head, caught.

"Nothing," he said with a small smile.

"You were staring," you said.

"So I was."

"Why?"

"The girl was right. You are beautiful," he smiled, looking straight ahead.

"Yeah the girl was right," you said. "You are nice."

He opened his mouth to object but closed it and instead kissed you.

"What have you done to me?" he asked with wonder.

"I could ask the same," you said, thinking back to all that had changed. As much as you had been teaching Loki how to love and be loved, he had been doing the same for you. Whatever you had had with Brandt was apparently not reciprocated - it was not real. Loki was slowly changing you. Morphing you into someone who knew how to accept love, be loved. And you hoped you were doing the same.

You shared a look with him - a moment of understanding. He leaned his forehead to yours for a moment. Then you heard it - music.

The voice was angelic. A woman was singing in a building not far from where you stood. You looked to Loki who had heard it as well. Intrigued, you followed the sound of the voice.

It led you into a local pub. The pub was large, but uncrowded. Wooden tables were dispersed through the room and you took a seat at one near the stage. The woman was older, maybe your father's age. She had beautiful black skin and sang a sad, slow song.

You and Loki took your seats and watched, transfixed. It seemed you were the only two enjoying the performance. The rest of the patrons drank and ate, seemingly unaware of the ethereal sounds.

Once she was finished with the song she quietly exited the stage and sat at the bar. Loki glanced at you and saw that you had equally enjoyed the performance.

"Miss," he requested to her. She turned and saw Loki. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"My Prince," she lowered her head and walked over. "What can I do for you?"

"We just wanted to commend you on your performance," he said. She looked skeptical, but you smiled warmly at her.

"You have a lovely voice," you offered. She must have recognized you as well.

"Thank you, Princess," she curtsied.

"Take a seat," you motioned to the empty chair across from you and Loki. "What's your name?" you asked.

"Thank you," she said graciously. "My name is Rae." She seemed a little scared, probably of Loki.

"Do you sing here often?" you asked.

"Oh yes, ma'am, every night," she said. And apparently sometimes during the day, you gathered.

"Tonight as well?" you asked, wanting to see her perform again.

"Yes," she said, a little nervous.

"We will be there then," you said, excited. Loki nodded.

"Thank you, it will be an honor," she said. "If that is all," she said, motioning that she had to get back to work.

"Of course," you said, dismissing her. "Thank you."

She bowed once again.

"She should sing at our wedding," you said absently. Once the words came out, they surprised you. Were you... planning now? Looking forward to it?

Loki looked a little surprised as well.

"If you wish," he said happily.

"We'll ask her tonight," you decided. You and Loki enjoyed a drink and lunch before heading out to see the rest of the village.

People more or less left you alone. You wandered through shops and had a good time trying to forget that you were royalty for a while. Loki followed you, seeming happy just to be with you. You chatted and held hands, glad to be with him as well. It felt normal. Domestic. Something you could get used to.

Finally the time came when Rae would be singing again. You and Loki made your way back to the pub and grabbed the same seat. There were more patrons now, but still not a full pub.

You watched as Rae sang her whole set flawlessly. There were happy songs which made you smile, and sad songs which made you unconsciously lean closer to Loki. You leaned your head onto his shoulder and he kissed your cheek. The day was starting to wear on you and you were growing tired.

Still, as you were listening to Rae, you felt eyes on you. It wasn't something you could prove, as many people looked at you with recognition. But it felt... ominous. Perhaps you were just tired. Still, you couldn't shake the feeling even as Rae came over to see you when she got off the stage.

"You were excellent," you complimented her.

"Thank you," she bowed slightly. "I am glad you enjoyed it."

"We were wondering," you started. "Would you possibly come and sing at our wedding?"

She looked completely shocked.

"It would be an honor," she said smiling widely.

"Wonderful!" you were actually really excited at this. You gave her the details and told her you'd be in contact. Once you had thanked her again, you and Loki decided it was time to go home.

Leaving the pub, you still felt that sense of ominousness. It wasn't a far walk to your horse but it was dark now, which did not calm your sense of unease.

Passing between the pub and the next building, something stirred. Before you could shriek a hand was over your mouth. You saw Loki being dragged in a similar fashion and the two of you were brought into the alleyway.

Fear coursed through your veins. As your eyes adjusted to the new darkened surroundings, you realized there were two men on Loki. One was holding you, trapping your arms behind your back while keeping a hand over your mouth.

A fourth man came out of the shadows holding an impressive knife. He held it up, walking a few feet in front of Loki. Clearly Loki had been the target in this attack. You were merely an inconvenience. As he spoke, you realized you recognized his voice. He had been in the pub. So your senses had not been wrong then. Someone had been watching you. The knife flitted while the man talked. Through the blood pumping through your ears you only made out that he wanted money - what else.

Loki acted calm, but his eyes betrayed him when he looked at you. He was fearful. For you.

The man continued to talk in a low, gruff voice about the deadly consequences of not getting the money. As he talked, you noticed the grip on your arms was looser... the man was distracted by his boss' performance.

The man in charge went to raise his knife, knowing that Loki would only continue to remain silent and stone-faced.

You didn't think. You stomped your foot down hard on the foot behind you. He grunted and you elbowed him. You turned and kicked him in the groin. He fell to the ground. You ran to Loki and jumped in front of him just as the knife was coming down. You threw up your arms in time to feel the knife slice into your right forearm.

The pain seared through you and you screamed. The man who stabbed you looked momentarily confused, having missed the action behind him while he was dealing with Loki.

With the men stunned, Loki took the cue and copied your recent actions. He then lept back and into the wall, banging the two men's heads against the stone. You didn't look at the gaping wound on your arm. Instead you went for what you knew worked. You kicked that man in the balls and he went down, knife and all.

You felt arms around you and were soon running with Loki. While he ran he ripped his tunic, presenting a long piece of fabric.

Once you reached the horse he quickly tied the fabric around the worst part of your arm.

"Quickly," he motioned, helping you onto the horse.

You obeyed and he slid up behind you, wasting no time in kicking the horse into gear. You were soon galloping away from the town, your mind racing.

Why had you done that? You didn't regret it but it could have been so much worse. What were you thinking?

Loki.

You were thinking about Loki. You were thinking about how he was in danger and you needed to save him. Your safety had not entered your mind.

You started to feel woozy. You didn't look down at your arms, but you could feel the wetness on your legs and knew you were quickly bleeding through Loki's makeshift bandage.

Once you reached the castle he pulled you off of the horse and into his arms. You wanted to say something but words were hard to form now. You wanted desperately to sleep. Loki carried you into a ward you had not yet been - the healing ward.

A flood of white fabric surrounded you - healers, you assumed. They took you from Loki, although he gave some sort of verbal argument that you were too sleepy to hear.

Finally you gave in and slept. You dreamt of Loki, standing by the cracked tree. He was smiling at you. It was peaceful. Until you woke up. The pain was back. Bad enough to wake you up, but not unbearable.

Your eyes fluttered open and Loki flew to you. He kissed your face and neck and hands, relishing every inch of you. The pain lessened with the distraction.

Your mind flashed back to the night's events. Stupid. You had been stupid. And yet... you didn't regret it. It could have been worse. It could be him lying here.

Once Loki had kissed you more times than you could count he pulled away, keeping your face cradled in his hands.

"You stupid, stupid girl," he whispered desperately. "Why?" he asked.

"What do you mean, _why_?" Wasn't it obvious?

"You could have been killed," he said seriously.

" _You_ could have been killed," you responded in the same tone.

"Look at you," he said. Anger was starting to build in his voice. "Look at your arm."

You did. It was bandaged more than you had thought was necessary. It ached and stung.

Loki backed away from you and paced by your bed. Other hospital patients were either drugged or sleeping. The healers had let you have your space for now.

"Why did you do that?! It was stupid." There was real anger in his voice.

"It worked," you countered, a little too tersely.

"But you got hurt," he seemed more angry with you than you thought reasonable. You had gotten you two out of there after all.

"It was worth it," you answered honestly.

"Why?" he asked. The angered had dropped. Now he just looked confused. He clearly had no idea. You patted the bed and he obeyed, coming to sit next to you.

"I would gladly have taken that knife to my heart if it meant saving you," you said, your eyes never leaving his. You realized when the words left your mouth that they were true. You weren't sure how, but you had grown to love this man. You wanted to spend your life with him, voluntarily. He made you feel loved. He was intelligent, and thoughtful, and not at all what you had thought he was at the start.

You didn't expect the tear to fall from his eyes but it did. It rolled down that soft cheek and onto the bed.

"Why?" he repeated, closing his eyes.

"You know why."

This was it. If he didn't get it by now, he never would.

When he opened his eyes, you knew. He had had a revelation. Finally.

"Because you love me," he said softly.

"Because I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

A recovery bed was far too small for two. You supposed it was really only intended for one body at a time. The makers of the beds had not anticipated a suddenly very attached Loki.

It was as if he expected the muggers to come back and attack you two at any moment. He had aggressively made his way into bed, to which you chuckled and had no option but to move over. He held you protectively from behind, making sure you were comfortable. The pain had lessened over the small amount of time you'd been here, thanks to the healers.

Oh the healers. You would have to send them something when you got out of here. Loki was... well... a little over bearing.

"Shouldn't you attend to her wound?" he would snap at a passing healer. You would quickly apologize for him and shush him.

"They know what they're doing," you would tell him soothingly. He was agitated, you realized that. He wanted to protect you, as you had him.

Loki looked at you, defeated. "I suppose," he admitted at last. "But they should pay more attention to you."

You looked around at some of the other patients who were far worse off than you and shook your head.

The head healer came by your bed, frowning disapprovingly at your bed-mate.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, turning her intense eyes to you.

"Better," you said. "Less pain."

"Good. You should be able to get out of here today. I expect little to no scarring," she said.

Scars. You hadn't thought about that. You sort of hoped it would scar over. A permanent reminder of your feelings for Loki.

Loki kissed your wound over the bandages.

"I will love whatever skin you're in," he whispered.

The healer looked again at the two of you, surprise written clearly on her face.

You thanked her and made arrangements to leave that afternoon. She gave you some topical solutions to apply to the wound which would help it heal and keep out infections.

Loki walked you back to your room. He kept his arm around you the whole time, as if someone were to sneak out of the shadows and grab you inside the guarded palace.

"You can relax," you offered, when he jumped at a passing servant. "We are safe here."

He eyed the hallways with suspicion.

"Doesn't matter. Can't risk it," he said in fragments to himself. His hold tightened a little.

Finally you made it to your room. You left his arms to flop on the bed while he searched around the room.

"Loki, really, calm down," you said. There was anxiety written on his face. It was so out of place. You were used to his calm expressions and small smirks.

"I can't," he said. "I keep thinking about it. I should have seen--"

"You couldn't have known. And besides, we're fine," you said. The event had shaken you, but not nearly as badly as it had him.

His eyes darted down to your bandages.

"Mostly fine," you conceded. He strode over to you gracefully and sat on the side of the bed.

"You don't know..." he seemed to struggle with the words. "You don't know what it does to me to see you like... to know that I might have lost--" His words were caught in his throat. You moved and put your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. From now on, we'll just have to be more careful."

"I just want to protect you," he sighed, breathing in your scent.

You kissed him and rested your forehead against his.

You were interrupted by a knock at the door. You looked at Loki and reluctantly go up off of the bed to see to it.

Lilla stood shyly outside and you welcomed her in. Her eyes darted to your bandage and back up to your face, concerned.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her eyes wide. "I was told you were with the healers but they wouldn't tell me why--" she was becoming a little hysterical.

"I'm fine, it's a scratch," you said, and heard Loki huff behind you. You ignored him.

Lilla breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad," she smiled. "I am here to ask if you will be joining the family for dinner. They didn't know since--" she pointed at your arm.

You looked at Loki who merely shrugged.

"Yes, I suppose," you told her. The thought of being around others wasn't particularly exciting, but the idea of good food was.

"I shall tell them to save your seats then," she bowed and exited the room.

Everyone was far nicer to you than usual. They must have heard about your ordeal somehow, or at least, were sympathetic to an injury. As was apparently custom now, Loki had his arm protectively around you, leaving you only to sit down. Even then, he sat closer than usual, and had sharper eyes than ever.

"Will we get to hear the harrowing tale straight from the heroine's mouth?" Thor asked between over-sized bites.

You blushed and looked down. So they did know part of it. Heroine wouldn't be the term you would use. Maybe brash, or reckless.

"It was nothing. Just a little misunderstanding," you tried to underplay.

"I heard you fought off six armed men," Thor smiled.

"Hardly," you laughed. "I just distracted them. Loki did the real work." That wasn't a complete lie. Loki took down two men just as you had.

"My lady is modest," Loki said, eying you with approval. "We would be dead if not for her."

"Shows that you shouldn't go into the village without guards," Odin said, as if he'd warned Loki a hundred times - maybe he had.

"It was lovely until then," you noted. "We found someone we wanted to sing at the wedding," you added absently.

You looked up to see everyone frozen, looking at you. Oh right. Were you not supposed to be sort of excited to marry Loki? Clearly everyone thought you were going mad.

"She's an angel," you continued, trying to get things back to normal.

"That's lovely." Frigga was the first to recover. She smiled at you and you smiled back.

Odin was looking at you with his white eyebrows pulled together and jaw open. You glanced at Loki who was looking right back at him with anger in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" you asked, when Odin continued to stare at you.

"Nothing," he shook his head and forced a laugh. "I just... never thought I'd see the day."

You did not want him to explain. Of course Loki had to cause trouble.

"The day?" he asked, his voice dripping with venom.

Odin looked at the two of you sternly. You knew he was just as childish as Loki was being right now. They were provoking each other.

"I never thought I'd see the day when someone wanted to _voluntarily_ marry you. I mean, not that she really has a choice anyway," he said nonchalantly, and sipped the wine. "And neither do you, to be fair," he smirked at Loki.

Was this really necessary? Surely the boys had learned by now to just put it away and leave it alone.

Apparently not.

Loki stood up abruptly, fists clenched. He breathed deeply and you were sure he was going to start yelling or throw something, or grab a servant. Instead he offered you his hand.

"Will you come with me for a moment?" he asked you, his voice tense.

You were so confused by his lack of reaction to Odin's prodding that you simply nodded and followed him.

When you took his arm he relaxed a little. You could hear Frigga scolding Odin behind you but couldn't make out anything specific.

Loki walked even faster than usual, causing you to lightly jog to keep up. You didn't bother asking where you were going because once you were outside, you recognized the path.

He was leading you to the broken tree. Why?

Once again the leaves changed hue into their purple shades and he stopped abruptly in front of the tree. The crack in the tree was still as prominent as ever. Its broken bark jagged and brutal.

He turned to you, keeping his hands in yours.

"You know me," he said blatantly. "You know how I can be. I am... broken," he said, looking at the tree. "But... With you..."

Like the first time you had been brought here, he moved his hand slowly, magic billowing from his fingers. Beautiful flowers started to grow, and vines shot up and out of the tree's broken bark. You couldn't help but smile at what he had created.

"With you... I am... better. Less broken."

The flowers glittered and seemed to glow in the fading sunlight. You smiled at him, feeling tears coming to your eyes.

"I am not saying it will be easy. And I am not saying that I will ever be healed... But I what I am saying is this: we do have a choice. And whether or not it has been arranged by our fathers... I choose you. If you'll have me. I _want_ to marry you."

You let out a half sob half laugh as the happiness overwhelmed you.

"Do you... want to--"

"Yes!" you cried. "Of course I do." You kissed him fiercely and pulled him to you. Your mouths moved together in perfect sync. After a long while you pulled away and wiped the tears from your cheeks.

Loki held you as if you were made of glass.

"My little one," he said, pulling you to him to rest his chin on your head. You snuggled close to him and watched the flowers glow.

The last time he had done that magic the flowers had faded quickly.

You shivered. The sun had set quite suddenly and with it had gone the warmth of the day. Your outing had been so abrupt you had not grabbed a coat. Loki chuckled at hugged you tighter.

"Would you like to go inside, my love?" he asked gently.

"Yes," you said. You would have loved to live in this moment forever but the chill had gotten worse and you arm started to ache. You wanted to go back and get some of that healing gel. What you really wanted was to curl up with Loki by a fire.

"Let's go," he said. You pulled away and took his arm. As you walked down the pathway towards the palace you glanced back several times.

Each time you saw that the magical flowers were still there, glowing as brightly, if not brighter than they had before. These would not fade. Not this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah three chapters in one day! haha a treat (I hope) and to make up for the next few days when I have to go to my internship. Not sure when I'll be able to update but I will try to make time!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I have time to update! Thanks again for your sweet and amazing feedback!! 
> 
> *Also there's some smut in this chapter and I apologize cuz it's not my strong suit!

The walk back to the palace was a quiet one. You and Loki kept a comfortable silence between you, both realizing the impact of what had just happened. You would have never thought this would have happened - you voluntarily marrying Loki. It was amazing the things that could change in a few weeks.

Even though the air was cold and the night was dark, you felt a light within you now. There was a sort of warmth within you that fought against the wind that blew your hair back and gave you goosebumps. That was Loki's doing. That was the feeling of being truly loved. You couldn't help but smile to yourself. You never thought you'd be one of those people. You never thought you'd be giddy over a man or have your heart ache for his touch. You considered yourself independent. And you still did... but now... you wanted to be less so.

Loki wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close to keep you warmer. As you entered the castle he guided you to his room where you realized how tired you were once you saw the fluffy bed. You expected Loki to follow you over to the bed once you sat down on it but he stood, staring out the window with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Loki?" you asked quietly.

He seemed to have decided something and after a moment turned his attention to you and smiled.

"I'm sorry, darling," he said, walking over to you. "There is something I must do."

The thought of his leaving was not pleasant, but the twinkle in his eye told you he had something planned. The turn of his lip into that smirk told you it was something special, for you.

"I will be back late. Don't wait up for me, little one," he said, and kissed your forehead. You sighed, knowing it would take longer to fall asleep without him anyway.

"I love you," you whispered. He repeated the same and walked away, winking at you.

You bathed quickly and changed into sleeping clothes. You snuggled up next to Loki's pillow. It smelled like him. You closed your eyes trying to imagine what Loki was up to. You hadn't the faintest idea. Hopefully nothing dangerous.

The bed was soft and you were soon warm, snuggled into the layers of fluffy comforters. You were sleeping on your side when you felt the bed shift. The room was very dark - middle of the night you guessed. You opened your eyes but closed them again as long arms wrapped around your waist. You reached a hand back and Loki nuzzled against your palm. You ran your fingers through his hair and he moved his face to your neck. He kissed your hairline softly as his body melded with yours behind you. You felt a sense of relief wash over you. It was as if you had been missing something indescribable but with Loki's return, it was fulfilled.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered softly.

You hummed in reply, unable to speak through the sleepiness.

"I have a gift for you in the morning," he added, pulling you closer to him.

Your sleep addled brain just accepted those words and didn't compute them until the morning. You fell asleep again easily with Loki holding you.

When you did wake up, his words came back to you. A present?

You rolled over to face him but he was still asleep. You watched him for a moment. You saw how the light of the morning sun reflected off of his pale skin. You looked at his relaxed features and saw how truly beautiful they were. You ran your fingers along his jawline, unable to resist touching him. He stirred at this and you scolded yourself. You should have let him sleep. He opened his eyes sleepily and stared at you. You hadn't seen him this unaware before. You wondered what thoughts swam through that mind.

"Good morning," he said, his voice a little rough.

"Morning," you smiled.

Suddenly he seemed to remember something and covered your eyes. You chuckled.

"What's going on?" you laughed. You could sense he was smiling even through his fingers.

"Your present," he said. "I couldn't exactly... wrap it," he said, sounding mischievous. "If I take my hand away, promise not to look?" he asked.

"I promise," you said.

"Okay... and it's not exactly what you think it is," he added.

What could that mean? You were excited though. What would Loki deem worthy of a midnight excursion?

You closed your eyes like you had promised and let him lead you out of bed. Wondering were you were going, he simply led you across the room and stopped.

He stood behind you and wrapped his arms around you.

"Okay, open," he instructed.

You opened your eyes and saw a baby grand piano sitting in his room. He must have moved the arm chair that was previously in its spot without even making a sound. How did he get this in here without waking you? You smiled at him.

"A piano?" you ask, reaching out to touch the cool, black surface.

"Well..." Loki had said it wasn't what it appeared. You looked at it, trying to see how it was anything other than what it was.

He moved around you and sat down on the bench. He opened the door and the keys shone bright white and black beneath. He patted the space next to him. You sat down, trying to figure this out. You didn't mention anything about playing piano... because you didn't play. Why a piano then?

"This reminds me of my mother's piano," you said without thinking. You touched one of the keys lightly. You didn't realize it until you said it, but then the memories started pouring back. "She used to play all the time before she died," you said, reminiscing.

Loki looked at you. Clearly this trip down memory lane had not been in his plan, but he listened intently.

"She used to play in one of the rooms of the castle," you said. "When I was really little I used to just sit and listen to her play... When she died my father locked that room away. No one was allowed in it." That day had been the worst day of your life. It was as if he tried to lock away her memories in there as well, to try and numb the pain of the loss.

"I bet she played amazingly," Loki said softly, tucking a hair behind your ear.

"I'm sorry," you said, realizing the mood damper. "I didn't mean to-"

"Never apologize to me," Loki said. His voice was calm but there was a sense of... almost a threat. He did not want you to feel sorry for anything you did in his presence.

You looked at him with a small smile. 

"I can relate to fathers who lock things away," he said suddenly. "I never knew about my adopted parents because he would never tell me." His eyes were far away and sad. 

"I can't imagine what it must have been like growing up."

"Not wonderful," he said. You could tell he had never talked about this with anyone. This was something very private to him - painful. There was so much of his history you didn't know. You waited and he continued. "Odin never told me of my heritage until I found out on my own. When I was growing up, I just always lived in my brother's shadow. You can imagine," he gave a small smile.

"I can imagine a boy who was misunderstood and under appreciated," you answered.

"Well, I certainly felt... alone," he said. "My brother always got everything..." he seemed like he was going to continue and then stopped. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't apologize," you mimicked. He smiled lightly. "I want to know this about you," you said, touching your hand to his cheek. "If you don't mind," you added.

"There's not much to know," Loki said, leaning into your touch. "I just always watched as Thor got everything... I... I remember this one time that I had a crush on a girl, I don't even remember her name now. But I knew that she liked poetry. So I memorized a poem in an effort to ask her to be mine. I mustered all my courage and pulled her aside. I was reciting my poem when Thor walked around the corner. Well... you can imagine... She saw him and her eyes lit up and she smiled and waved. She totally ignored me, and Thor grinned at her, aware of his affect. When she turned back to me she asked me if he ever talked about her. She had completely forgotten what I was doing. It was... heartbreaking. I was so young." Again his eyes were far away. "And it just continued like that until I... I don't know... Shut down I guess. And it didn't help that Odin was always there, reinforcing the feelings I already had. And I took the example he had given me - don't talk about it - lock it away."

He shook his head as if to clear the memories away. Your heart ached for him.

"If it's any consolation," you said softly. "I would have been swept away by your poem."

He smiled warmly at you.

"I have almost forgotten," he said, turning his tone to one of a happier, more present one. "Your gift."

You looked again at the piano.

"A piano?"

"No," he chuckled softly. "This."

He stretched his long fingers over the keys. He took a deep breath and started to play. It was a song... for you. He had written a song. His lithe fingers danced over the keys, pulling from them the most beautiful melody you had ever heard. It was lighthearted, yet passionate and smooth. It was simple but still complex in a way you couldn't explain. It perfectly expressed everything that words were unable to.

You felt tears come to your eyes out of the shear emotion the song was drawing from you. Loki still had his eyes closed, feeling along the keyboard with expertise. When had he had time to write this for you? In his head no doubt, any time you were together. Any night that he lay next to you, you imagined, would have been a catalyst for this amazing composition.

He finished with the most perfect cord and opened his eyes. He looked over to you just as a tear fell.

"You don't like it?" he asked quickly, moving to wipe the tear away.

"No," you could help the sob that escaped your throat. "I love it, Loki. It's beautiful."

He looked confused at your words and your tears.

"Why are you crying, little one?" he asked soothingly.

"I just... you wrote that? For me?" you asked.

"Yes of course."

"It's just... Oh, it is the best gift I have ever or will ever receive," you said, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He seemed stunned by your reaction. You weren't sure what he had expected from you. You kissed him deeply and moved off of the bench. He followed. There was something between you now. You felt... more connected. You wanted to be as close as possible to him. When you were both off of the bench he held you close to him, pushing your bodies as close together as possible.

You parted your lips when he asked with his tongue, your hands hungrily grabbing onto him. Suddenly your clothes felt too tight and you wanted desperately to run your hands over his body. You wanted to make him feel good. You wanted to let him know how much he meant to you.

He walked you back towards the bed, never breaking the kiss. You tugged at his tunic and he pulled it over his head. The moment your lips parted was too long. As soon as he was rid of his shirt you kissed him again. Your breaths mingled as your mouths moved together. He wanted you just as badly.

You reached back to untie your dress and he saw you. He started to help you step out of your night gown. You were not wearing anything underneath since you had been sleeping. Completely nude now, he stepped away. For once you weren't scared of him seeing you. You let him drink in your form but rushed back when you could take it anymore. Your lips crashed against his and your hands flew to his trousers. You could feel his arousal through them and made quick work of exposing it.

When he was freed of his clothes you looked down and smiled. He smirked and kissed you, this time a little less fiercely. Passion flowed through you and you explored his newly exposed skin. Your hands made their way down his muscles and shoulders. You tried to memorize every inch of him. He walked you back and you felt the back of your knees hit the bed. You laid down and let him climb over you, hovering above you.

He looked down at you like you were the most precious thing on earth.

Your mind raced. You had been taught about anatomy and reproduction... but were you ready? All you really wanted to do was get to know his body... the rest could wait for the wedding night. The thought made you smile. That would be special. Today you would show him you loved him, yes, but your wedding night was the night that you wanted to wait for. One night of truly being together.

"Loki," you breathed as he trailed kisses down your neck.

"Mmmm," he responded.

You moved your hands down to his shaft and he gasped at your touch. You rolled him over so that he was on his back and kissed him. You watched him writhe beneath you, unable to form words as you slowly pumped up and down. He muttered vague curses as he eyes widened and then shut. He grit his teeth as you started pumping faster, his own groans making your core heat up.

With a few last vigorous strokes you saw him come undone. You watched as he threw his head back against the pillows and came hard, gasping your name. You had surprised yourself. You hadn't ever done something like that before. You had heard stories, sure, but watching the man you loved feel such pleasure... made you so happy. You kissed him and it took him a minute to respond, still coming down from the high you had given him. He looked at you lazily for a moment and kissed you.

"Darling," he said softly. "I love you."

You pressed your forehead to his. "I love you too."

He looked at you with apprehension for a moment and then kissed you tentatively. He moved his hands along your shoulders and rolled you onto your back.

"May I?" he asked, looking down at your now wet center. You kissed him and nodded. His hand trailed tortuously slowly down to your breast, moving his hand expertly to arouse a moan from you.

You gasped once he had trailed his hand down and found your clit. He smiled at your pleasure. You were glad you had waited until now to do this, any of it. You were glad that you trusted him with your body.

He started to move his fingers in slow circles at first. He moved his kisses from your lips and moved to your throat, feeling your moans before they escaped your lips. His fingers - those fingers that had just given you a beautiful gift - were at work doing more spectacular work. He moved them in and around you, slowly building that tension inside you. Soon your breath increased as his fingers moved faster, more desperately.

"Come for me," he whispered in your ear. And you did. As his pace quickened you felt your release and came undone by the sound his voice and the touch of his fingers. You bucked your hips into his hand and he smiled and kissed you. "That's it, little one," he said.

When you had ridden out your orgasm completely he kissed you tenderly. You wrapped your arms around him and rolled over so you were on top of him. Your whole body felt like it was alive and on fire. He wrapped his hands around your lower back and let you kiss him.

Your skin on his felt so perfect, you wondered why you ever wore clothes.

You slid off of him and laid next to him with your head on his chest. The sun was higher in the sky now and the room was bright.

"Thank you for that," he smiled.

"I wanted to before... And I still want to do..." you trailed off, assuming he knew what you meant. "But I think I want to wait until we're married." Suddenly you felt dumb. Was that a stupid request?

"Whatever you wish, darling," he said and you felt his voice reverberate in his chest. "I would wait until the end of time."

You looked up at him, suddenly feeling a little sleepy. You didn't ever want to move or get out of this bed. His arms wrapped around you, your bodies together - it was perfect.

"I love you," you said and kissed his jaw.

"You are my everything, little one. I love you too."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wedding time! Yay! Wedding reception and night will be next chapter

The time seemed to fly by. Every day you spent with Loki was a gift. You spent your time riding, exploring, kissing, reading, basically doing everything together. Before you knew it, it was the week of your wedding. Every morning your first though flew to the fact that soon you and Loki would be truly united. You scolded yourself though. Surely you and Loki were already together in almost every sense of the word. Even though you had yet to give yourself to him completely physically, you were in every other way, his.

And yet... The idea of declaring it - in front of everyone - was amazing. You wanted everyone to know how you truly felt. Surely they had little idea what had gone on. Most people knew something of the arrangement between your fathers, but you were sure they thought you were still reluctant. You wanted to show them that you had completely fallen for Loki. You wanted to prove all those stories about him wrong. You wanted and needed to show them that they were wrong. That he could be loved, and was.

It was sort of a selfish desire, and yet you allowed yourself to covet it. You wanted so badly to be untied with him.

You thought about all of this while he lay naked in your bed. You had started calling his bed your bed by now as well. You hadn't been to your old room in you didn't know how long. It didn't seem right without him. You watched his chest rise and fall slowly, resisting the urge to run your fingers along his muscles and wake him. It had been a late night for the two of you. The urge to give in and let him take you completely was almost unbearable, but you fought it. You truly wanted to give yourself to him when you were husband and wife, traditional is it were. But that did not stop you from exploring each others bodies. You blushed at the thought of the night's activities and all of the nights since you had first discovered each other.

You crawled silently off the bed and dressed. You wanted to let him rest, so you made your way into the hallway. It was fairly empty as it was an early hour, but you saw some servants running towards the gates. You followed them, interested in who must be arriving. A small carriage pulled up and out stepped Rae. You smiled and walked quickly up to her. Why had no one told you she was arriving today? Perhaps they would have when you woke at a proper hour.

Still, Rae smiled when she saw you, her amber eyes taking in the palace. You hugged her tightly, glad she had made the journey for you.

"Hello, Princess," she said in her beautiful voice. You pulled back.

"Thank you so much for coming!" you said. "I wasn't informed you would come today but I am very excited to have you here."

"It was meant to be a surprise I think," she smiled at her shoes. You giggled.

"Well, it's not now!"

Taking her by the hand you led her into the kitchen.

"Are you hungry?" you asked. She nodded and you went to work making her breakfast as well as yourself.

"You don't need to do this," she said, looking worried. The servants around you eyed you with a little bit of fear, as if they would get in trouble if anyone caught you making your own breakfast. You rolled your eyes.

"You are my guest. I want to treat you as such," you said. The servants relaxed a little and Rae smiled. "Cup of tea?" you asked. She nodded.

She was so unconsciously graceful. Sort of like Loki, you mused. She had an elegance about her that you admired. A quiet intelligence.

She took the tea from you and you set your breakfast down at a nearby table.

"How was the journey?" you asked. She would have had to get up very early. 

"It was fine, my lady. I am just happy to be here," she said, eyes assessing her surroundings.

"A bit different than the pub eh?" you asked with a smile.

"A bit," she laughed.

"I'm very excited to have you sing at the wedding reception," you told her. "It's about the only thing they've let me plan actually." Not that planning the wedding had been very high on your list of things to do. You didn't know what would look good where. Apparently the king had a council for that anyway. But they had allowed you this wonderful woman at least.

"I am honored," she said. There was something she was holding back. A question.

"What is it?" you asked lightly.

"Nothing. It's not my place to ask."

"No, please. You are my friend... I hope," you added, not wanting to be too forward.

"I just wonder... do you love him?" she asked. "You seem to and I just... never imagined with everything I've heard..." she tried hard to not insult you. You just laughed.

"I know. Believe me. I have heard the stories as well," you said, leaning closer to her. A few servants pricked up their ears to eavesdrop. You didn't care who heard this. "When I first came here I was completely frightened of him. But he's not what everyone thinks he is. He's really very sweet."

She nodded, not totally sure she believed you.

"I know, it sounds ridiculous. But I honestly do love him. He's... amazing," you said. Amazing wasn't the right word. Extraordinary? Perfect? There wasn't any one word to describe him accurately except maybe... _yours_.

You were lost in thought suddenly, thinking about him. His sleeping form came to mind and you smiled.

"You do love him," she said, noticing your expression. "I am glad for this," she added.

"Me too," you smiled, and cleared your empty plates away.

Rae's eyes moved to something behind you and smiled. Before you could turn around, two hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you backwards. Loki kissed your neck and you smiled. Rae cast her eyes down and blushed.

"You left me this morning," he whispered in your ear.

"You were sleeping, my love."

"You have found my surprise, I see," he said in a low voice.

"Accident," you shrugged and turned to him. "A happy one."

"Good morning, Rae," he said, acknowledging your guest. Rae stood.

"Good morning, my Prince."

"Loki, please," he said.

"Loki," she repeated.

"She'll be staying with us all week for the wedding," Loki confirmed what you had suspected.

You were excited. Rae was someone you admired and wanted to spend time with. This was the perfect opportunity. Loki had once again given you another gift. You kissed him lightly, aware of your guest.

The three of you spent the day together. You showed Rae the castle and led her around the grounds. You went riding and ate meals together. Rae was so easy to be with.

In the evenings you would go for walks with Rae, leaving Loki to do whatever it was that Odin had demanded of him that day. She was sweet, and kind. You were so glad to call her your friend. Besides Lilla, you hadn't many actual friends in the castle. It was a nice change.

"I wish she could stay forever," you said one night, curled up in Loki's arms. He kissed the top of your head.

"Why can't she?" he asked.

"Well I assume she would want to get back to her life," you mused.

"Have you asked her?"

"Could I?"

"I don't see why not. We have plenty of rooms. A lot of our friends stay here. Some permanently if it pleases the royal family." He said it so nonchalantly. Your heart lept.

"I will ask her," you decided. If she said no then you would just have to visit... with protection of course.

**

The week had passed so quickly, it seemed as though you had blinked and it had passed. Rae, of course, had accepted your invitation. You were so thrilled that she would stay that you hugged her tightly. She still seemed a little uneasy about the mixture of your social classes and the appropriateness of the hug but you didn't care. You were too happy that she was staying.

"And you will help me with everything the day of?" you asked hopefully. The day of, of course, was the following day. You had servants to attend to you, but you wanted someone who really knew you.

"Of course," she smiled. "I cannot wait."

Neither could you. The night before your wedding, despite Loki's comforting form behind you, you couldn't sleep. Taking note of his breathing you heard, neither could he. You turned to face him in bed.

"What is it, little one?" he asked quietly, stroking your sides. The two of you had taken to sleeping naked and his touch left goosebumps in its wake.

"Can't sleep," you said. "Too excited." The smile was hard to wipe off your face.

Loki grinned at you. You felt like a child excited for a birthday; he, the patient adult indulging said child.

"Me too," he admitted and kissed your forehead.

You snuggled up next to him again and eventually, your mind succumbed to the peace of sleep.

You were woken by a knock at the door. Groggily you sat up, but Loki was quicker than you. He grabbed a robe and you covered yourself with sheets.

"What--"

Loki was cut off by the stream of servants that entered the room. They very nearly carried you out of the room, your feet barely touching the ground.

"Lot's to do!" the eldest one said. More servants came in and took hold of Loki.

You chuckled and gave him a sympathetic look as they dragged you out of the room and down the hall. Thankfully one had thrown a robe around you as well.

You hadn't been aware that the preparation would be the entire day. Just as she had said, Rae was there for you. You ate a quick breakfast and then were off to be pampered and prepared for the big day. Once you had bathed and your hair and makeup were done, you asked the servants for some privacy.

"I would like it if I could have a moment please," you requested, shooting Rae a look that told her to stay.

The servants nodded and left you alone reluctantly. You were in a large room filled with everything you could ever need to get ready for any occasion.

You looked at your wedding gown on the hanger.

"Shall we?" you asked Rae. You hadn't trusted anyone else with this moment. This should be special, you thought.

Rae nodded, smiling, and pulled the dress of the hanger. You stripped down to undergarments and stepped into the dress. Rae tied it up, pulling so it would stay on, but not suffocate you. It was a beautiful strapless dress. The neckline was low enough to be modest but sensual. The curve of the dress fit you like a second skin and the green sash was sure to match Loki's eyes.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, unbelieving.

"You look beautiful," Rae said, looking at you in the mirror.

"Thank you." Your own voice sounded foreign to you. You weren't one to look long in a mirror but today... you indulged. You looked... stunning. And not because of the beautiful dress... It was because you were glowing with happiness. It radiated off of you.

"Are you ready for today?" Rae asked.

"I've never wanted anything more," you said decisively.

Rae smiled widely at you. You knew that she understood. After spending time with you and Loki, she had come to know that those stories were not true. Loki loved you, and was a good person. She was genuinely happy for you. Unlike the rest of the kingdom.

Rae could sense your thoughts shift.

"Don't worry about them," she said, touching your shoulder.

"It's hard not to," you said. "It feels like they're coming out for a spectacle. No one expected Loki to get married... now... they want to see it as if it's some kind of weird miracle. They don't understand that I actually... That I would..." you just couldn't form any words to describe the depths of your feelings for him. And here everyone basically thought that you were just some poor unfortunate who was sold to be Loki's wife because no one else would have him. If they only knew.

"I know," Rae said calmly. "But it's not about them. Today is about you and Loki. Being together. Forever."

"Forever," you repeated, looking at yourself in the mirror. You liked the sound of that.

"We should head over to the hall soon," Rae broke your train of thought. You nodded.

The servants were waiting outside and they all smiled when they saw you dress in your gown. They escorted you to the door you would walk through when it was time. And it was just about time.

They had told you that most of the nobles of the kingdom would be there for the wedding, but you did not realize how many people that meant.

As the doors opened, hundreds of people awaited you. Your heart beat twice as fast and you were incredibly overwhelmed. The hall was actually a circular room. Separated by the aisle, the spectators sat on either side in seats, making a semi circle on both sides. The seats in the back were elevated to allow those further away ability to see.

The doors on the opposite end opened and revealed your Prince. He stood in green dress robes with his hair perfectly in place and a smile on his lips.

The King and Queen sat one on each side of the aisle in the center of the room. That is where you would be wed.

You took a deep breath and started walking forward as a harp started to play somewhere. You simply focused on not tripping. Loki looked exceedingly graceful and you hoped that most eyes were on him instead of your ragged breathing and awkward steps.

He reached the middle before you and waited patiently with a small smile on his face. You finally reach him and took his hands in yours, resisting the urge to kiss him right then.

You were surrounded by people on both sides - some you recognized like Thor - some you did not. Your father, thankfully, was nowhere to be seen. Rae had taken a seat and gave you smile when your eyes met.

You had been instructed as to how a marriage was officiated in Asgard. It wasn't too different from your own.

The golden table stood in front of Odin and he brought it forth. On top was a plain, gold bowl. It held the water needed for the ceremony.

Odin placed the table down near you and Loki in the aisle and backed away. You could feel Loki tense a little but since Odin was not allowed to speak, he was not riled up too much.

Your hands were shaky and you could feel the hundreds of eyes on you.

You looked up from the bowl and saw Loki, staring at you lovingly. Surely this had to confuse most of the audience. Perhaps they thought he was trying a trick.

You, however, knew your prince. He held your hands and looked at you sweetly.

"My love. Today we come together as one. Allow me to hold you, kiss you, please you, learn from you, and above all else, love you. Until the end of my days."

"Loki," you said, trying to steady your voice. "I never thought I would be here," you smiled. "But I find that today, there is nowhere I would rather be than here. I love you. And I want to spend forever with you."

He smiled and suddenly it was just the two of you. You were able to block everyone else out and just let this moment be yours. He dipped his finger into the water and let the droplet fall on your left ring finger. You mimicked his movement, letting the drop fall on his. The water sunk into your skin and you felt the enchantment begin. Like the magic that had flowed from Loki's fingers, the yellow light circled around your ring fingers. Beautiful rings encircled your and Loki's ring fingers, perfectly fitting them. You knew the story behind the ritual - the rings rested on the veins that led directly to your hearts. You knew that if they were to take you apart and look at your heart, they would find that it had been stolen, long ago, and that Loki was the one to hold it.

"Forever," he said, taking his eyes off the rings to look at you.

"Forever," you repeated, and kissed him. You wrapped your arms around him and he pulled you to him.

You felt the silence as the audience took in what just happened. Perhaps they were expecting a chaste kiss, but Loki was wrapped around you with your lips pressed tightly against his. After a moment they got over their shock and clapped. You heard Thor's yelp of joy and smiled into your kiss. After another moment Loki reluctantly pulled away. You smiled at the people and waved. They seemed... happy for you. More so than you would have guessed anyway.

You kept smiling and Loki wrapped his arm around you. He led you out into the hall.

You had a few moments to yourselves at last.

"You look absolutely amazing... ravishing... beautiful," he rambled, gazing at your body.

You kissed him deeply.

"I am so happy," you said, closing your eyes and resting your forehead on his.

"Me too," he smiled despite himself.

The moment of solitude did not last long though. Soon you were swept away in the crowds of people. The reception hall was waiting. Although you knew that the party was basically for everyone else, you were happy to just be with Loki, and celebrate your love.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still pretty much fainting at your nice comments, thanks so much!
> 
> also the song is just "I Don't Want To Love Somebody Else" by A Great Big World but I changed the lyrics a bit.
> 
> also sorry cuz im not really great at writing smut... but I try!

Parties were not your thing. They were even more so not Loki's thing. People who would have normally avoided him at all costs were now congratulating him on his marriage. It was... different for him to say the least. You could tell from his furrowed brow and tight hold on your arm that he was uncomfortable. This was almost amusing to you, seeing as he was always in control. He didn't quite know what to make of all the attention. Perhaps you had softened his image. Perhaps when they all saw the way he looked at you... the way he spoke and the way he kissed you... they understood. At least partially, anyway. They finally could see that there was indeed a man behind the mask.

You scanned the crowded reception room, looking for familiar faces. Rae had climbed up to the stage at the far end of the room. Her bright red dress made her easy to spot. That and the fact that she was now tapping the microphone to get everyone's attention.

Loki breathed a sigh of relief when Rae spoke, mostly because people turned away from him. He kissed your temple.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Rae said sweetly. "The bride and groom are to have their first dance. Please make way."

As though she had spoken a charm, everyone immediately made a pathway to the center of the room. Once again you were in the spotlight and felt incredibly uncomfortable. It was only made bearable by Loki's arm securely wrapped around your waist.

Loki led you to the dance floor and the orchestra behind Rae started up. The song was slow. You knew that Rae had written something special for you, but she hadn't showed you the song yet. As you listened, you smiled at the melody and lyrics. Loki held you close with one hand on your lower back and the other in yours.

You held on to his shoulder as he started to move, expertly waltzing. You, of course, had been trained to dance as it was required for princesses, but you were not very good. Luckily Loki was a master of grace and rhythm so you let him lead the way. He had a small smile on his lips as he looked at you. You started to feel the rest of the room fade away again and focused on your bodies close together.

You smiled as Rae sang in the most fluid, beautiful voice.

 _"Oh, I've built my world around you_  
 _Oh, you have me in a dream,_  
 _I live in every word you say._  
 _The stars have aligned_  
 _I know that I've found you_  
 _And I won't ever love anyone else."_  
You knew that Rae had been the right choice the moment you'd heard her, but this was just further validation. Loki swayed the two of you around the room. You pulled closer to him, dancing cheek to cheek.

" _Oh, I know that we will be the greatest story that I tell_  
 _I know that this time, I know it's forever._  
 _And I won't ever love anyone else_."

"I love you, little one," he whispered in your ear. You pulled back and kissed him lightly as the song ended with a round of applause from the audience.

Rae stood watching the two of you with a proud smile. She instructed the rest of the guests to help themselves to the buffet or continue dancing. The band picked up again and she sang a faster tempo song, to which many of the guests started dancing. You looked around, seeing Thor, Frigga and Odin waiting off to the side of the room.

"Shall we?" you asked, gesturing to Loki's family.

He gave you a wary look, but you assured him it would be better to just get it over with.

You pretty much dragged him over to where they were standing. Thor came up to you first. He pulled you into a tight hug, almost choking you with the force of his joy. You laughed and pulled away.

"Congratulations," he smiled genuinely. He looked at Loki with approval and held out his hand. Loki looked at it as if it were a foreign object. You nudged him and he shook it reluctantly. "Congratulations, brother."

Loki managed a small smile. Frigga turned to you next and hugged you as well. Her hug was much less intense than Thor's and housed a motherly quality that almost brought a tear to your eye. You wished your mother could have been here.

"I am so proud of both of you," she said, pulling Loki in for a hug as well. He stiffened but did not refuse the gesture.

Nervously you turned to Odin. He began to speak and you could just tell that it would not be nice. Without thinking you interjected.

"Excuse me, could we just go a day without anything obnoxious. Just a day. My wedding day. Please?"

The boldness of that request surprised even you. Frigga laughed quietly behind Odin and Thor and Loki looked as though you'd just dropped a very expensive vase.

Odin eyed you for a moment and conceded. No one messes with a bride on her day.

"Congratulations," he muttered and retreated. Frigga gave you a wide grin and Thor looked at you with awe.

"Marry me," Loki whispered in your ear. You giggled.

"Just did that," you reminded him.

"Ah, so you did," he kissed your cheek.

Rae started another song that seemed to have people dancing with even more vigor. A noble person had come up to Loki and was talking to him while you nibbled on some of the buffet foods.

Loki seemed to be enjoying himself now at least. He didn't look as uncomfortable as the start.

Thor held out his hand to you.

"Could I ask for a dance?" he asked. Loki's attention was stolen away from his conversation. Thor quickly addressed him. "You can dance with your wife any day of the week," he smiled easily.

Loki looked at you and then back at Thor and nodded graciously. You let Thor lead you out to dance.

He was more carefree in his dancing, more expressive, less calculating. He spun you and you laughed wildly at his dancing flares. He pulled you back in and smiled down at you.

"I must thank you, m'lady," he said.

"It's just a dance, Thor. It's my pleasure."

"No, not that... My brother. I am pleased that you have... made the effort," he said. "Not many would brave what you have managed with him."

You blushed.

"I love him," was all you could manage to say.

"I know," Thor smiled happily. "And I thank you for that."

You finished the dance fairly quickly and did not waste time in finding Loki. Without you by his side he had started becoming a tad distance and even defensive. You looked like a life raft in a storm to him and he pulled you close.

"Don't leave me again, please," he sighed against you.

"Deal," you said, kissing his jaw.

You and Loki tried as hard as you could to greet and accept congratulations from everyone at the reception. It was extremely exhausting. The things that kept you going was Loki's hand on your lower back and the small kisses he would steal when he thought no one was looking.

Eventually people tired of the festivities and made their ways home. It was fairly late before everyone had cleared out and you were allowed to go back to your room.

Thor and Frigga waved as you left, both giving a knowing look. You blushed at what everyone must know would be happening later that evening. You were sure now though. You were ready.

"Are you ready, little one?" Loki asked quietly.

You nodded and he took your arm, leading you to your room.

Suddenly the nights expectations weighed on you, making you feel extremely heavy. You and Loki had been intimate... but what if he didn't like doing this with you?

Loki swooped down for a kiss that erased all of these apprehensions. Everything dissolved when his lips were on yours.

He led you over to the bed and sat down, patting the space beside him. You sat and looked at him. He was thinking about something.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

"I just... I loved our wedding," he started. "But I didn't feel comfortable saying in front of everyone..." He took a deep breath. "I just wanted to say... When we first met, I did not like you," he laughed a little. "I thought you were vain and shallow purely because of how beautiful you are... But then I got to know you... and you stole my heart completely. I thought I was broken for good. I didn't think I was capable of love, or being loved. But you showed me how... and I will be forever grateful for that. You showed me things about myself... I didn't think I was capable of. And I just love you... You're my life."

He spoke quietly and precisely, never breaking eye contact. Your heart nearly jumped out of your throat at his words. Loki often told you he loved you, but this... declaration... was incredible. You soaked up his words and held them within you. Soon words of your own were spilling out.

"I never thought I would be here," you admitted, starting the same way he had. "When my father told me I was to marry Prince Loki... I thought I might rather die. But now I find..." you considered for a moment and were sure this was true, "Now I find that I would rather die than be without you."

You were going to say more but he couldn't stop himself from kissing you senseless. Any words you might have said, you tried to transfer into the kiss. Loki cupped your face and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

You couldn't describe everything that you felt at that exact moment. It was some glorious mixture of extreme happiness, fulfillment, desire, contentment, and love. Your body felt too small to handle all the emotion that flowed through you.

Loki stood up and you followed, desperate to keep your lips against his. His tongue had found its way into your mouth and was tasting you, while you did the same.

He quickly disrobed and you helped him, sending his trousers to the floor with his shirt. You ran your hands along his bare chest and pressed yourself to it. He started unlacing your dress. His fingers fumbled a bit, a trait you did not associate with your graceful Loki. You laughed into the kiss and turned around, giving him easier access.

Once it was loosened you shrugged it off, letting it fall to the ground in a pool of white, letting your undergarments join it. You looked over your shoulder at him through hooded lids and saw him lick his lips. He stepped up and pressed himself against you. You could feel his arousal and smiled. He wrapped his hands around your bare stomach. He kissed your neck and moved his hands up to cup your breasts. You turned around to kiss him and he reached down for your legs. Taking the cue, you jumped and he caught you. You wrapped your legs around him and he moved onto the bed, gently laying you down beneath him.

He kissed you again, and this time you could feel his passion. Your hands ran up and down his back, trying desperately to take in all of him at once.

He moved his kisses down to your neck and sucked at your skin. When his lips found your breast you moaned, urging him to give the same attention to your other nipple. The pleasure flowing through you was amazing. You looked down at him as he left your breast to explore the rest of your body. He let his tongue slide down your stomach as he parted your thighs with his hands.

He looked up at you for approval to continue and you smiled at him. He just looked so... in love with you. He worshiped your body and wanted to show you.

You threw your head back into the pillow and bit your lower lip when his tongue descended on your folds. You hand fled to his hair and clutched on for dear life as pleasure ricocheted around you. Your noises made him growl into your core which made you shudder with pleasure. He licked and sucked at you until you were a writhing mess beneath him.

Finally he sent you over the edge and gently sucked as your orgasm hit you. He lowered you down from you high and kissed back up your stomach to your lips.

"You are divine," he murmured. You tasted yourself on him and felt his arousal pressed against your thigh.

You looked up at him, a little bleary-eyed from the high. _He_ was divine. You pulled him down for a kiss.

"Are you ready? he asked quietly.

You nodded and bit your lip.

"It might hurt," he warned. You nodded, knowing that it was worth it.

You took a deep breath as he positioned himself at your entrance. Looking into your eyes, he slowly pushed in, watching your face for any sign on discomfort. You felt yourself stretch around him, but he slid in easily enough. There was a little pain, but you also felt the pleasure build around you as he eased back out, still watching you carefully.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Wonderful," you said and smiled. He smirked and pushed back in slowly. You were getting used to the pressure now and it was starting to feel good.

He kept it slow at first, easing in and out. Soon enough you were relaxing, feeling more pleasure than pain.

"More," you squeaked softly beneath him. He looked down at you, surprised, but smiled and obliged.

He quickened his pace and you moved your legs to wrap around his waist. With each thrust he sent a jolt of pleasure through you. He moaned when you started to buck your hips and meet him halfway. His thrusts became faster and faster and you clung to him as you both panted heavily.

"I love you," he almost whimpered.

"I love you too," you said breathlessly. 

And then it happened. Your second orgasm was even more overwhelming than the first. You moaned his name and felt your walls clench around him. He grunted once and you felt him cum inside you.

With a few more thrusts he was empty and he kissed your lazily before pulling out and rolling to the side. You lay there for a moment, trying to remember how to breathe. The after effects of the orgasm made you feel like you were in a dream. You rolled over and laid your head on Loki's chest. He kissed your forehead and wrapped an arm around you.

"You are incredible," he said.

"You are..." again at a loss of words. "You are my everything," you responded.

You lay in silence as the moonlight filled the room. Everything had a bluish tint. You saw it gleam off the bookshelves, off the bed posts and the piano. You saw how Loki's skin almost glowed and felt him breathing evenly beneath you. You listened to his heart beat and drew your hand across his skin.

When your arm crossed in front of him he grabbed your wrist to examine it. There it was, still. The scar. Loki pressed it to his lips, remembering your sacrifice for him.

"How did I get so lucky?" he asked, seemingly to the universe. You were thinking the same thing.

You snuggled closer to him and pulled the blankets over you. And there you lay. There you slept. You and Loki. Husband and wife.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a short chapter but it just basically sets up something in the next two chapters (not like super dramatic lol)  
> Also I'll try to update the next two chapters (which is all I have planned at the moment) before I go to Sundance for a week and am unable to update! After that I'll hopefully plan some more.  
> Thanks again for your amazing support <3

That night, you had the best sleep of your entire life. You and Loki were even more inseparable in the days following your wedding than you had been before. Every night you would make love and every morning you would wake with his arms around you, holding you close.

One morning you woke to a strange sound. You did not feel the body behind you that you had grown so accustomed to. As you patted the bed around you, refusing to open your eyes yet, you felt just an empty bed. Soon you heard a familiar chuckle from across the room, accompanied by the sound that had woken you up.

Blinking the sleep away, you opened your eyes to see Loki sitting at the piano, playing softly. It was your song, the one he had written for you. The way the morning light caught his hair and made him glow was ethereal. You just stared, trying to decide if this was a dream or not. You sat up and watched as he turned his attention back to the keys. Again the swelling music filled you up with joy.

He had grabbed a robe and had it loosely tied around his waist, open at the top so you could see his beautiful chest. You grabbed a robe yourself and walked over the cold floor barefoot to him. You sat in the space he slid over from and watched his delicate fingers dance upon the keys.

Your eyes slid up his arms and chest to his eyes which were now watching you instead of the piano.

He finished the song while gazing at you. He lifted his hands to your cheeks and cupped your face in his hands. You sighed happily and stared sleepily at him. He smirked and kissed you.

"Good morning, little one," he whispered after the kiss.

"That was the best way to wake up," you said, glancing at the keys which had just played the most beautiful thing you'd ever heard.

"I had an urge," he shrugged, although he was pleased you had enjoyed it.

You lightly touched one of the keys, commanding it to produce a note. How could he pull such emotion and beauty from mere strings and wood?

"Would you like to learn?" he asked suddenly.

"I don't think I would be any good," you muttered, remembering all the failed lessons your father had put you through.

"Nonsense," Loki declared. "I can teach you. At least this song," he added. "What do you say?"

You smiled at him and nodded. It was worth a shot, even though you knew you'd never be able to play it with as much finesse as Loki.

"We'll start with the right hand," he said. He smoothed his right hand under yours. "Watch," he commanded. He started playing slowly. It was an intro you knew well now, at least to listen to. Your hand rode his over the ivory keys, sometimes stepping up to the black ones. It was memorizing. "For me, it's mostly muscle memory," he said. You nodded, trying to make your muscles remember every movement.

After a few times you were able to do the right hand's movement by yourself. You hadn't realized how long it had taken and your stomach growled at the lack of breakfast. Loki chuckled.

"Perhaps we take a break for now?"

You nodded reluctantly and the two of you summoned some food. After eating, you nudged Loki towards the piano. Once you had started you didn't want to stop until you knew the whole song. He laughed and gave in, seating the two of you down again.

He would give you tips here and there about playing, but mostly you just learned through his hands. Soon enough you were able to bang out the right hand's part by yourself, although not as easily as Loki.

In the days that followed you marveled at Loki's patience with you. Surely he would have grown bored from teaching one song to a slightly inept student? But every time you messed up or were slow to learn a part, he simply kissed your temple and showed you again.

By the end of the week you could play both hands' part of the song. It felt... really good. It felt like you were finally able to express your feelings in a new way. Your playing was choppy and not at all skillful, but the notes were there and the feeling it gave you to have learned your song was worth it. 

Loki looked proud of you when you had completed your lessons.

"Thank you for teaching me," you said shyly when you had finished.

"Thank you for inspiring the song," he responded.

You kissed him and smiled. You would practice until it was perfect. There would be a day when you would wake him up with the song, just as he had for you. He would wake and hear you playing the ballad of your love and he would know how much you loved him.

Feeling accomplished, you realized you hadn't really been out of the room or seen anyone in a while. You had been so focused on learning the song you had forgotten everyone.

Loki had been avoiding Odin and Thor long enough, so he decided to go catch up with them and his duties as a prince while you found Rae and Lilla and spent some time with them.

It had been an amazing week. Loki had been so patient and loving with you. You knew those memories of learning from him by the piano, in the morning sunlight and in the moonlight, would stick with you forever. You knew that one day you would be able to play the song to him perfectly. It meant so much to you. You wanted to show him again and again how much you loved him, just as he had shown you.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll probably write the next chapter either tonight or tomorrow depending on how bored I am.
> 
> Bad news, after next chapter it will probably be around a week that I can't post cuz I'll be at Sundance! 
> 
> Also I know I'm falling into a cliche Loki story trope, but idc, I like it :)
> 
> Thanks again for all the love <3

You wished it were physically possible to live in Loki's embrace. Laying in bed with him in the mornings made you feel like the luckiest person in the world. Just from the way he held you, even while you slept, you could feel his affection for you. You could hear his even, soft breath, you cold feel his arms pull you closer. It was heaven in those moments.

Unfortunately this morning, that moment was interrupted by a very heavy knock on the door. Loki stirred and looked irritatedly towards the disruption. He growled under his breath and moved to get up but before you could think, your arms were around him, pulling him back to bed. He could have easily fought you off but he relented, falling back into bed with you with a soft chuckle.

"I must answer it, little one," he murmured. You shook your head and buried it in the crook of his neck. He gently maneuvered out of your grasp and stood up, looking down at you with mild amusement.

You huffed in annoyance and covered yourself with the sheet. Loki grabbed a robe and covered himself before answering the door.

As you had assumed by the over exuberant knocking, it was Thor. He looked apprehensive and a little frantic. His hair was out of place and he seemed like he had dressed in a hurry.

Loki was calm and opened the door enough for you to be able to see and hear them talking.

"What is it?" Loki said with some malice.

"Loki, come. We must go now. There is an emergency." Thor glanced at you quickly and gave you a sympathetic smile.

Loki sighed, clearly not bothered by Thor's apparent need for him.

"What is it?" he repeated, bored.

Thor huffed in annoyance but answered, "The Eligian's are at the far side of the kingdom. They are threatening attack. We must go protect the border, try to make peace."

"Make peace?" Loki asked, as if it were an absurd option. Thor frowned.

"Come, now," was all he ordered. Loki shut the door in his face with no further discussion.

He turned to you and you sat up, starting to worry. Loki was going to head into a dangerous situation.

"It appears I must leave," he said nonchalantly.

You were surprised by his calmness. Thor had riled you up a little. You felt an impatient need for them to go and do whatever it was they had to do in order to keep these people safe.

Loki seemed in no rush however, and slid into bed again. He opened his arms to you and pulled you close. You breathed in his scent

"How long will you be gone?" you asked hesitantly. You did not know what a mission like this was like. How long it would keep you apart. You held on to him tightly as if he might evaporate right then and there. You tried to memorize his scent, his skin, his bones, everything.

He gave your shoulder a squeeze and kissed the top of your head.

"A few days at most," he mused, running his fingers through your hair.

"Seems like an eternity," you muttered. Since you had been married you hadn't spent more than 24 hours apart. Now a few days seemed like years at least.

"I know," he responded. "But you know Thor. He would be lost without me," he exaggerated. You laughed lightly but it did not lessen the weight on your heart.

"Please be careful," you requested. "Don't do anything..."

"Reckless? Dangerous?" he suggested. He seemed to almost be mocking you. You turned to look at him, a little hurt. "I am sorry," he said when he saw your face.

"I can't imagine..." you started. What? if he died? got hurt? any of those things... it was unthinkable.

"I will be fine. I promise, little one. I will always come back to you."

You laid your head back against his chest and sighed. Words. He could promise no such things. Promises did not deflect spears or daggers.

"You will see," he added, as if that were going to convince you.

When he got up this time, he did not indulge your attempts to keep him in bed. He got dressed quickly and came back to bed. He kissed your lips and you tried to mold yourself into him. You didn't want him to leave, or to ever stop kissing you. As soon as he pulled away you felt his absence wrack through you.

"I love you," he whispered before kissing your cheek. You sighed heavily.

"Come back to me," you commanded.

"Promise."

He crossed his fingers over his heart and turned to go. He did not look back as he opened the door and stepped out, ready for whatever danger awaited him.

Was he not aware that he could die? Pride would not protect him or make him immortal. You shook your head, trying to clear away the thoughts. Thor would keep him safe.

The day dragged on and on after Loki left. You knew that he wouldn't be back this evening, but still, you kept your eye on the horizon, willing a horse to bring him back anyway. You tried to read but could not focus on the words. Images of Loki in battle flashed through your mind, making it hard to concentrate.

You took a walk through the gardens and hallways, trying to will your mind to focus on anything but Loki. 

That night you did not sleep. You laid in bed and stared at the ceiling blankly. Without his arms around you... without his body next to yours.... it was impossible.

At last your body gave in and you got a few hours rest before the sun rose. You found Rae and tried to pass the time with her. She sang to you softly and held your hand, trying to soothe you. It helped a little, but you found every song she sang related to you and Loki somehow.

"Everything will be fine," she said softly, stroking your hand.

"Mmm," you hummed, your mind far away and eyes on the horizon.

"He will always come back for you," she smiled. You tried to return the smile but couldn't quite make it.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" she asked. You admired her efforts. They were not, however, enough.

"No thank you," you said quietly.

She tried to talk about other things, but you were distracted. She could only have a one sided conversation for so long before she left you to your own devices. You didn't blame her. You were not great company at the moment.

Two days turned into three. Then four. Still no sign of Loki or Thor. He had said a few days. It had been a few days. Your nail beds were taking a beating from all the nervous biting you had started to do. You only ate when someone reminded you, and even then, you were too nervous or afraid for Loki to really take in any nourishment.

You found yourself wandering the grounds and towards the broken tree. As you had suspected, since that night that Loki had proposed, the glowing flowers were still bright and lively. They covered the jagged crack and filled it up with light and life. You smiled and touched the petals. They were incredibly soft and seemed to hum at your touch. They made you smile, but your heart sank when you remembered that the man who had created these, the man who had occupied one of your happiest memories, was gone. You pulled away and started to walk back towards the palace. The memories had started to fill you with more longing than you thought possible.

You yearned for Loki's touch. Without it, your skin felt bare, paper-thin. There was a constant pressure on your chest. You reminded your heart that you did not need a physical reminder that Loki was not there, but it persisted in aching anyway.

It was one thing to be away from Loki. Surely if he were at another kingdom, safe and sound, it would be different. You would miss him... but you would not wonder if that kiss was the last he would give you. You wouldn't wonder if that smile was the last that would touch his lips.

The following days, you started practicing your song on the piano. In a way it soothed you. It brought back the memories of Loki teaching you, of him playing for you. Since you had nothing else to occupy yourself sufficiently with, you played. You practiced over and over again. A few days turned into weeks and you channeled your anxiety into the piano. You played the song, hoping it would bring him back to you.

You had just finished playing the intro almost perfectly, when Lilla burst into your room. You were about to say something about knocking, but the look on her face stopped you cold.

It was as if she had seen a ghost.

Your entire body went cold and you couldn't feel your fingertips.

"What is it?" you heard yourself say. You didn't even recognize your own voice.

"Loki," she said, clearly out of breath. "He's hurt."

You stood up and sprinted towards her.

"Show me."


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo kinda a longer chapter, but I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> won't be updating for a while cuz I'll be at Sundance soooo yeah **sings Don't You Forget About Me**

It was like you were in a bubble. Lilla was talking to you, trying to comfort you, but you only hear mumbling, as if you were underwater. She was pulling you along the hallway towards the gates of the kingdom. Your feet felt like lead and you tried your best not to fall over.

Then you saw him.

Coming through the gates was a large group of men. Thor led them, carrying Loki like a broken rag doll. Blood was streaming down out of his chest and he looked paler than you'd ever imagined he could. They had apparently made a make-shift bandage, but what you guessed was once bright white cloth was now soaked in a deep red. Your stomach twisted at the sight. It seemed unreal. Perhaps that was merely a doll, and your real Loki would emerge from behind them all, smirking at you like always.

They were jogging as fast as they could in order to get Loki safely to the medical wing of the palace, but slow enough not to jostle him too much.

Your heard a scream rip from your throat and Thor turned immediately to you. He carefully but quickly handed Loki off to the man next to him, whispering some kind of instruction. You were sure that Loki was dead. There was no sign of life whatsoever.

You were going to run after him, try to fix him with your clumsy hands, but Thor caught you mid sprint. You were jarred by the force of his arms. It was like hitting a brick wall. He blocked your sight as the man carrying Loki disappeared into the castle. Lilla stood behind you, unknowing what to do.

Seeing that you couldn't go after him while in Thor's embrace, you started hitting. Thor patiently waited while you slammed your fists against him, half in anger, half in an attempt to be released.

When you had no more strength you collapsed and he caught you.

"It's alright," he murmured.

It was most definitely not alright.

You felt tears stream down your cheeks and wondered when you had started crying.

Thor led you gently over to a bench outside. As soon as he let you go you tried to run to Loki but he was quick to grab you as lightly as possible and pull you back to him.

"There's nothing you can do for him right now," Thor said. Probably a calming sentiment to himself as well.

What he intended as a soothing comment just made you more frantic. There was nothing you could do. Your touch would not heal him.

Suddenly you remembered his words. He promised. He promised.

A new wave of anger and sadness wracked through your body, leaving Thor to wrap an arm around your shoulders. You hoped that his strength could keep you together even though it felt like your entire being was falling apart.

"How bad is it?" you managed to squeak out through sobs.

Thor frowned.

"It's not good," he admitted. "He took a spear nearly right in the heart."

You clasped your hands to your face.

"He was protecting me," he added guiltily. You looked up at him. "That spear was meant for me." There was a heaviness in his eyes that worried you. The usual carefree, jolly Thor was not in there at the moment.

You sighed. _Now_ Loki chooses to become selfless?

"Will he... Do you think he..." you couldn't even finish your sentence.

"He will make it. If only to gloat about saving my life," Thor tried to joke. You smiled weakly at his efforts and returned your gaze to the ground.

"When can I see him?" you asked.

"I asked the lad who brought him in to ask the healers that. They should come get us when they are done."

You nodded, once again returning to that bubble of disbelief. Thor hummed soothing words to you and rubbed your shoulders, but you felt and heard nothing.

You were in this hypnotic state for you didn't know how long until you saw a woman in white come towards you.

"(Y/n)?" she asked. You looked at her carefully, trying to read Loki's diagnosis in her face. She had a round, full face with bright green eyes, not unlike Loki's.

"Yes?" your voice shook.

"I am Eir, the main healer here. Would you like to see Loki?"

So he was alive. For now. You swallowed hard and nodded, suddenly unsure. How badly was he injured? It had taken them an eternity to stop the bleeding.

You stood up and almost fell down again, but Thor and Eir supported you.

"He is not conscious," she added, taking your arm lightly. "He will not be for some time."

You nodded again. Your head felt heavy and disconnected. They walked you slowly to the healer's wing of the palace.

The main area had beds lining both walls. You expected to be brought to one of these but Eir led you down a side wing with private rooms. She entered the third door on the left and let go of your arm.

"When you're ready," she said from inside the room.

You stood outside and took a deep breath.

"Would you like me to go in with you?" Thor asked.

You pulled yourself from his grasp and shook your head. You needed to do this by yourself. One more deep breath and you pushed the door open.

It wasn't real. It couldn't be. Loki was laying limp on the bed. His shirt had been removed and a thick bandage wrapped around his upper chest. He looked so... weak. If it had not been for the steady rise and fall of his chest, you would have assumed the worst. Eir eyed you carefully. She pulled up a chair so you could sit next to him.

"It was a bad wound," she said. "It took ages to stop the bleeding and repair his heart. That spear very nearly killed him." She paused. "We are not out of the woods yet, either," she added.

You sat down and looked at Loki. You were scared to touch him. It felt like you might break him. Tentatively, you reached out for his hand. You wrapped your fingers around it and squeezed lightly. It felt like him, even though it didn't quite look like him. You brought the hand to your lips and kissed it. It smelled like him. You had almost wished it wouldn't. You still wished that this was not the real Loki. That he was somewhere else, hiding, safe.

A tear rolled down your cheek and onto his hand.

Eir quietly walked out of the room and Thor peaked his head in.

"May I?" he asked. You didn't answer so he just came in and stood at the door.

Thor. He was the reason that Loki was here. You had counted on him to keep Loki safe. And here he was, dying in front of you. You stood up suddenly, causing Thor to flinch a little.

"It's your fault," you said lowly. "You are the reason he is here."

Part of you knew that it wasn't truly Thor's fault. He had not stabbed Loki. But he had been the target. Your grief riddled mind blamed him. You dropped Loki's hand and ran to Thor.

You barely came up to his chest but you knocked against it again, this time with more vigor fueled by your grief.

"You did this! You did this!" you cried. And he let you. He let you hit him and scream at him until you were worn out and sobbing again. He led you to the chair and sat you down easily. You collapsed and laid your head in your hands.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly.

You did not respond and instead took Loki's hand again. You kissed it and held it close to you. Thor did not say anything else before leaving the two of you alone.

Once you were completely alone in the room, it felt strange. Loki was in there somewhere. He just needed to find his way back to you.

His words rang in your ears.

_I promise, little one. I will always come back to you._

"You damn well better," you whispered.

***

The day turned into night quicker than you thought possible. The window indicated as much, but you didn't care. You stayed where you were, refusing any food or drink that was brought to you.

You held out your left hand and looked at the ring. You touched it to Loki's ring and willed your strength to flow through it to his heart.

No one interrupted you. Even Odin and Frigga understood that they should stay away. You felt hunger and tiredness, but it was nothing compared to the longing. You longed for Loki. You wanted him to wake up, hold you, kiss you. But he lay there, unconscious and barely breathing.

Occasionally he would moan and you would sit up at full attention. Eir had warned you about that but you still thought it meant he was waking up.

After a full day of sitting by his side, Thor came back to the room.

"You need to eat and sleep, m'lady," he said softly. You flinched when he laid a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

"I can't," you almost whimpered. And it was true. You knew you should be taking care of yourself but every time you thought of eating, your stomach twisted with worry for Loki, making you nauseous. Every time you thought about sleeping, you were afraid of him waking up without you, or the nightmares that would undoubtedly haunt you.

Thor nodded in understanding and let you be for the moment. Perhaps he hadn't the heart to drag you away.

Another day passed and you still hadn't left the room. Your body ached and your stomach growled, but you couldn't bare to be away from him.

Finally, Eir walked into the room and sighed.

"Come on," she said... no commanded. You looked at her. You were so tired, her white clothes seemed to be glowing. She seemed far away.

She took your hand and for some reason you let her. You were almost afraid to disobey this woman. She had a calm leadership quality about her. Also your resolve was loosening with every passing hour to stay awake.

She led you to your and Loki's room and sat you on the bed. She held out a small vial.

"Drink this," she ordered. It was a blue liquid. You looked at her and then did as you were told.

She laid you down on the bed and positioned some pillows around you. Without Loki in the bed with you it felt wrong.

The liquid warmed you and made you even more sleepy.

"Rest now," she said. "Loki will still be there in the morning."

You were going to fight. You were going to run back to Loki. But suddenly your eyes closed. Eir was gone. You slept. For the entire day and night.

***

Empty. That's how you felt when you woke up. There was no Loki beside you, no one to kiss you good morning. For a sweet moment, you almost forgot what had happened. Then you remembered and it weighed you down.

You knew that relying on another person so much for emotional strength was not healthy and yet you could not deny the strength of your reliance on Loki. It wasn't even a reliance on him. It was just a need. He was part of you, and that part of you had been severely injured.

Just as you were about to get out of bed, Eir entered the room and you stopped.

"Good morning," she said in a tone that warned you to stay put.

You grunted in response. It was not a good morning. Not at all.

She sat on the edge of the bed.

"Come on," she said, offering her arm. "Bath time."

You felt like a child. You knew that you did need a bath, but you also knew that you needed to be with Loki. Again, you knew that Eir would not take no for an answer. You feared what would happen if you disobeyed her.

Weakly, you crawled to the edge of the bed. She supported you with an arm and the two of you made your way over to the bath. She drew it and put in some salts and oils. Without any hint of embarrassment, you let her strip you of your clothes and slid into the bath. The warm water was soothing and comforting.

Eir left the room to let you bathe and came back once the water had cooled. She helped you out of the tub and dressed you. Seriously feeling like a child, you thanked her for her help. She merely nodded, as if this were part of her job description too.

There was a motherly aspect about her that you liked. A strict mother, but one that cared.

She led you back to the bed where a tray of food was waiting.

"Eat," she ordered. You looked at her and started to protest, but she wouldn't let you.

Even from just the two days without eating, you had started to lose weight. In the mirror you had looked gaunt and haunted.

You managed a piece of meat and some cheese, but that was all. Your stomach growled in appreciation but as soon as your thoughts returned to Loki it was impossible to eat. Eir gave you a glass of water which helped a little. She seemed pleased enough with the scrap of food you had eaten and allowed you to stand. She knew that you would want to go back to the healer's wing and see Loki, so she allowed it, taking you there herself.

***

You didn't know then that you and Eir would complete the same routine every couple of days for a week and a half. Loki was steadily improving according to the healers but he still did not move or regain any color.

Every few days, Eir would drag you away and force you to do the minimal amount necessary to stay alive and somewhat healthy. You were losing weight steadily and not sleeping naturally. She gave you sleeping drafts but they did not cause you to sleep the way you would have with Loki. Dark circles marked your eyes and your dressed hung loose on your body.

Thor and Frigga often visited, giving you more worrying looks than Loki. You ignored them in favor of tracing lines across his hands from his ring to yours.

One day, Eir came in with a small smile on her face.

"Loki can be moved today," she said. You did not know what that meant and it showed on your face. She continued. "If you would like, we can move him to your room and monitor him from there."

That was a good sign.

"Yes," you answered breathlessly. "Please."

Eir nodded and made the arrangements for that afternoon. Loki was brought on a stretcher by two men to your room and gently placed on the bed.

The amount of bandages had decreased as his skin healed around the wound, but now and then a little blood would seep out, reminding you that he was still very much wounded.

He at least looked more normal laying in your bed than the healer's. He looked like maybe he might wake up. Or perhaps he was just sleeping. Once they had laid him down you clambered on to the bed and laid down next to him, stroking his hair.

Eir left you with a warning to take care of yourself, eat and sleep, or she would come back sooner than you wanted. You nodded, not listening and snuggled closer to Loki.

He was cold. The usual warmth from his body that comforted you was not there. His skin was icy and you covered yourselves with blankets in an effort to regain that feeling of warmth.

You laid your hand on his chest to reassure yourself that he was still breathing. You felt a steady heart beat under your hand through the bandages. There was some comfort in that at least.

Another week passed and still Loki lay silent and still. You only ate when Eir threatened you, and you only left Loki's side to deal with hygeine when absolutely necessary.

Thor and Frigga came in the room to visit several times, but you could not focus on having a normal conversation. Rae came to visit as well and confessed that she was severely worried about you. You tried to reassure her, but lately you were becoming worried about you as well.

You knew that you would go crazy by his side, watching him every second for a sign that he was coming back to you.

At least you slept a little better with him in bed next to you. You still struggled, but knowing that he was there and not all the way in the healer's wing was helpful.

One morning, you had an idea. Something you could do that you did not have to leave the room for.

You slipped on a dressing gown and walked across the room. Your bare feet were cold on the floors, but soon enough you sat down at the piano.

Your heart lurched as you remembered Loki's lessons and the time he had spent patiently waiting for you. Now it was your turn to be patient with him.

You glanced over at Loki, lying on your bed. He was merely sleeping, you thought.

Your fingers started to press the familiar keys. Your heart felt lighter when the music reached your ears. You even smiled a little as you continued to play the sweeping melody. When you had finished, you were filled with a little more light than before.

"You've been practicing," you heard a voice say.

Lightning hit your heart. Did you dare look over?

Turning your head, unwilling to believe, you saw him. Loki was sitting up in bed, eyes trained on you, smirking.

You flew across the room to him and kissed him so hard, you thought you might have broken his face. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around you. He was still cold but he was awake and you didn't care. It felt like an elephant had been lifted off of your chest. You broke the kiss only to clutch him close and bury your face in his chest. You breathed him in and felt his arms around you, hands in your hair, cooing softly.

"Don't you _ever_ do that to me again," you whispered.

"Promise," he said.

You eyed him with an angry glare for two seconds before melting. He had come back to you, like he promised. It just... took a while.

He was smiling but it suddenly dropped the more he looked at you.

"What is wrong?" he asked, assessing your hollow eyes and frail figure.

You shrugged. He looked very concerned, almost angry. You were afraid that he wold waste all his energy on whatever he was worrying about.

"Rest," you commanded. He laid back on the pillows but kept his gaze on you.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing," you said. "I just... had a hard time without you." The understatement of the century.

"You look like you've been starved, maybe even tortured," he said. His voice sounded almost dangerous. He did not actually suspect that happened to you?

"Just... worry," you said.

He shook his head almost violently and turned to you. This was not the mask from the beginning of your relationship where the anger didn't reach his eyes. This was actual anger. Why was he angry at you?

"Why didn't you take care of yourself?" he asked. He touched your cheek lightly, but you were starting to grow slightly scared of him.

"I--" you didn't know. You hadn't thought about you. "I was worried about you. You were more important."

That looked like it pained him more than his actual chest wound.

"Listen to me, little one," he said warningly. "You will not do that again."

"You can't tell me how to feel," you retorted. Why were you fighting right now? You should be wrapped in each others arms and kissing.

"Yes I can, when it's about me," Loki nearly shouted. "I do not want you putting me above you. Ever."

You shook your head and laughed.

"Loki, loving someone is not just being there when they need you... It's putting their needs before yours."

"I did not need you to starve," he said, his angry resolve loosening.

"It wasn't exactly on purpose," you admitted. "I just... wanted to be there when you needed me. I wanted to help you... and I didn't know how, I felt useless. I thought you might die and I--" the sobs you had been holding in for the weeks he was unconscious started falling out of you like waves. You started shaking and dropped your head to your hands.

Loki sighed and pulled you to him. The bandages felt foreign to you, but you let him hold you while you cried.

"Shhh," he cooed. "I am sorry," he whispered. "I just don't understand... Perhaps because I put you above everyone else, myself included, I wanted you to do the same... but I see now that that is impossible for you."

You nodded into his chest. Your tears had started to drop onto his bandages, making them a darker white.

"Of course it is," you spoke through your sobs. "All I wanted was for you to come back to me... I didn't have time to think about anything else."

You could feel him shaking his head.

"I don't deserve you," he said to himself. You simply hugged him tighter.

"Thank you for coming back to me," you whispered.

"Until the end of time, little one. Until the end of time."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been like ten years, I just got back from Sundance. Now I have a little time! I've planned out the next few chapters so it's just the process of writing them now! Hope you enjoy it!

You weren't sure Eir knew who was supposed to be the sick one here. It seemed she spent most of her time on you rather than your physically wounded, back from the near-dead, husband. You tried to redirect her towards Loki's bandages but she simply swatted your hands away and attended to you.

"This is ridiculous," you muttered under your breath. Loki let out a soft chuckle from his seat on the bed beside you and Eir rolled her eyes.

"He is fine," Eir spoke purposefully. "You are the one who nearly starved and exhausted yourself to death."

Loki's smile faded and was replaced by a somber expression. You remembered his outburst at putting his well-being above your own. You swallowed any thoughts of protest in order to replace that look with something happier.

"Thank you," you muttered.

Eir nodded and gave you a serum to help you to start regaining the weight you'd lost. Since she had started treating you, you had already started feeling much better.  You hadn't realized the state that Loki's injury had put you into.

Loki eyed you carefully as Eir finished with you. Finally she moved over to Loki, carefully pulling away the bandages to change them. Her slender, dark hands moved swiftly and expertly.

Although you admired her skill, you had to turn away, knowing full well what the bandages hid.

You couldn't bear it. You literally could not bear the sight of Loki's exposed chest. Even with the stitches and partial healing, that thing made you sick. That wound... had nearly taken Loki away from you. You dug your nails into the bed in anger at the wound. He had been very close to death... he could have easily been taken away. You did not think you would have survived that.

Loki watched you while Eir worked to replace his bandage with another clean one. Once she had laid it in place she stepped away, admiring her work.

"Soon you won't need that anymore. You'll have quite the battle scar, Loki."

Loki smiled, apparently pleased at this. It made your stomach churn.

Eir left quickly after that, pausing only to remind you to eat and drink as much as you could. You nodded and she left, leaving the two of you alone.

Loki pulled you close to him and whispered in your ear, "My love, why do you shiver at the sight of me?"

You sighed. Why was he always so perceptive?

"It hurts to look," you admitted, leaning into the touch of his fingers through your hair.

He kissed your the exposed skin of your neck.

"Why?" he quietly demanded an answer.

"It reminds me... you are not invincible."

"You thought I was?" he almost joked.

"Do not mock me, Loki," you said, your voice strained. "You don't know... That wound reminds me of the worst weeks of my life." A tear you could not control landed on your lap.

"Forgive me," Loki said, quickly realizing the toll it took on you. "I will do my best to become invincible for you."

He still joked, but somehow it soothed you.

You turned to him and ran your hand down the bandages. Eir was using less and less because the bleeding had nearly stopped. You could feel the outline of his stitches and a cold shiver ran through you. You thought to yourself that it was nearly identical to the broken tree Loki had shown you.

Another space to fill, you decided. This one could be filled with something more beautiful than flowers... and far more lively... eventually. You smiled to yourself.

"What is it, little one?" Loki asked tentatively.

"Nothing," you responded. "I just love you."

"And I you," he kissed you.

Soon his hands trailed down to your breasts, gently caressing and massaging them. Before you got swept away you remembered Eir's warning earlier that week. You pulled away, gently placing a hand against his chest.

"Loki, we can't," you protested. His health came before the heat slowly building between your legs.

" _I_ can't," he corrected. He slid his hand down beneath your robe and between your legs.

Oh.

" _You_ can," he continued in a velvet voice. He started to rub you in slow circles, watching your face contort with pleasure. You laid back and grabbed at the sheets as he continued his slow pace. He shifted position and you moaned as he stuck his fingers into you, keeping his thumb on your clit. He pumped them slowly in and out until you were a writhing mess beneath him. Only then did he increase his pace, slowly sending you over the edge of oblivion.

You pulled him on top of you for a lazy kiss, letting your tongue explore his mouth. Your whole body felt limp with pleasure and you looked at him for a long time.

"I wish I could do that to you," you admitted. You were counting down the days till Eir said it was okay. Something about his fragile heart, he couldn't have any increase in beats. It was some healing stuff you didn't understand, but respected.

Loki looked at you intently, watching your every movement.

"Watching you come for me is just as good," he whispered and sucked at your neck.

He moved to grab some food from the nearby tray and offered it to you. You shook your head out of habit.

"Please, eat," he said.

You took the food, remembering what Eir had said. Loki looked incredibly sad again.

"I still can't believe what you put yourself through," he spoke quietly, keeping his eyes on the bed sheets.

"I couldn't help it," you admitted. He nodded, but you didn't think he actually understood. How could this man love you so much, put you above himself, and not understand that you would do the exact same thing?

Loki sat up as if he had just thought of something.

"I forgot," he said to himself.

"What?"

"That ball is next week."

Vague memories of a mention of a ball or party passed through your mind but Loki's awakening had erased almost anything else.

"What ball?"

"The yearly ball that Odin throws for the surrounding kingdoms. It's a sort of peace treaty thing. It's momentous."

"Okay, so?" Parties were not exactly a rarity here.

"So it means I'll have to make an appearance and mingle." He gave you an annoyed look. "I don't exactly love all the other princes and princesses."

You laughed, imagining Loki trying to mingle.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, smirking. You laid back against the pillows. He curled up next to you, his head on your chest.

You stroked his hair and mused.

"Just the thought of you having to be nice to someone to stop a war from happening. It's entertaining."

Loki scoffed. "There's this one prince... he's the worst, a problem child if you will."

You snorted.

"What?"

"What exactly does that make you then?"

"Misunderstood?" he tried, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. You laughed again. "His name is Prince Malafice."

"What's so bad about him?"

"I just... hate him. You'll see. I can't explain it."

You nodded, sure that you wouldn't find anything wrong with Loki's apparent nemesis.

A party might be what you needed. Something to distract you from the thoughts of losing Loki that still lingered in your mind.

You let your hand trail over his bandages. Maybe in time they would come to be a sort of trophy. A reminder that he had beaten death. But for now... they simply served as a reminder that everything you had could be taken away very easily.

You felt Loki's breathing slow and realized he had fallen asleep. You didn't dare look at the bandages, but you slid your fingers beneath them, daring yourself to feel the wound. A determination welled up inside you. You would fix this. You would make him whole again. One way or another.


	27. Chapter 27

Every time you asked, Eir would look at you with part pity, part amusement and shake her head. No, Loki was not ready to be sexually active again. You sighed, knowing that you should follow her orders or risk losing Loki again, but it was hard. You had missed him so much while he was unconscious, and now that he was back, you missed him in other ways. You wanted to feel him inside you again. But alas, you had to wait.

The day before the ball was going to take place, the guests arrived. You had never seen so many beautiful people in one place. Royalty from all around flooded the castle. Your usual short walk to the library now took you double the time.

This morning had been bad enough with Loki needing to go and greet everyone (a duty you had gotten out of seeing that you still looked a tad sickly). Now, on your own, you had to somehow while away the day.

Of course you headed for the library. It had been too long since you had escaped to the world of your books. The crowded hallways reminded you of your mild claustrophobia and you did your best to breathe normally and slide past people unnoticed.

You couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching you. Ridiculous, you though. Of course people were watching you, there were about a hundred people in this hallway and you were probably in their way.

You made your way as quickly as you could to the library and shut the door behind you. Breathing a sigh of relief, you selected a book at random and took up your usual spot by the fireplace.

It wasn't long before you felt that creeping feeling again. Who would be watching you in here?

Carefully looking up from  your book, you nearly jumped out of your seat. A very handsome man was standing before you. Some kind of royal, no doubt, judging by his clothes and posture. He smiled at your reaction, but it did nothing to calm you.

The man held out his hand for you to shake. You did nothing until after he spoke.

"Pardon me, m'lady," he said in a gravelly voice. "I did not mean to startle you. I am Prince Malafice."

Your recognition of the name took only a few seconds. You reached out tentatively and shook his hand. You gave him your name and he nodded.

"I know who you are," he conceded. He took a seat in the chair opposite you. It was as if he had lived his whole life in this castle. You wondered why he seemed so at home.

"What are you doing here?" you asked. "In the library, I mean. I know about the ball... obviously," you rambled.

He laughed and somehow it put you at ease.

"I have a tenancy to evade my responsibilities," he smirked. "It seemed this was the only place to do that."

You looked at him closer now. He had a chiseled jaw and bright blue eyes. His muscled form was clear under his tight clothes. He was a little older than you, but not by much. His brown hair was cropped short but framed his face nicely.

"I just enjoy reading," you said after a moment.

"This is a good place to do that," he smiled.

Malafice didn't seem like anyone Loki would particularly despise. You wondered what had happened in the past to make Loki hate him so.

There was a silence and you had nothing to fill it with. The Prince was eying you carefully, as if trying to memorize every hair on your head.

You squirmed and asked, "Are you looking forward to the ball?"

"Oh yes, it is good to see everyone once in a while. But I shall enjoy it even more if you save me a dance."

You faltered for a moment. It seemed rude to dismiss him. He had done you no wrong so far.

"I suppose," you tried to smile.

He nodded and stood.

"And with that, I have the will to be more responsible," he said charmingly. He bowed slightly and left the library to who knew where.

You were left alone with your book, uncertain what to make of the encounter.

**

The timing couldn't have been worse. The morning of the ball, as you and Loki were preparing both physically and mentally for the exhausting day, Eir entered.

Loki's shirt was already off and Eir sidled up next to him for her final check up. She unwrapped the bandages and as usual, you looked away.

"Consider yourself fully healed, Prince," she smiled. Then she turned to you. "And you, m'lady. You are looking quite well."

You nodded and thanked her. It was mostly her doing after all.

"I would say it is alright now," she added with a wink. It took you a moment to realize what she meant. Loki was ready. You could be physical again. You nearly jumped him right there in front of her. "Of course, you'll have to wait until after the ball," she added with a knowing smirk.

You huffed and nodded, knowing there was no time. Loki looked mischievously at you and winked. You laughed, wishing there were more hours in the day.

After Eir left, you finally looked at Loki. He was staring at you hesitantly. You walked over, keeping your eyes on his face. You let your hand slide down to his bare chest and flinched at the feeling of the new scar.

"It's still me, little one," he cooed, placing his hand over yours. He guided your hand down to trace the scar.

You felt a cool shiver in your body but let him guide you. Your fingers traced over the bumpy scar. The skin was new, fragile. It was not like the bumpy, jagged edges of the tree. And yet, as your fingers rode the scar, it felt like the exact same shape.

"It is healed," he said quietly, moving in to kiss you. You let him, feeling his soft lips on yours. You pulled your hand away from the scar, both because you needed to, but more because you wanted to wrap yourself around him.

After a lengthy kiss, you both pulled away panting. After. It would have to be after the ball.

Sighing, you leaned your forehead against his. After a moment you finished getting ready and exited the room, hand in hand.

Tending to your duties before the ball was preferable to the actual party. When the evening came and everyone gathered, that sense of claustrophobia hit you again. There were more well dressed, coordinated people than you had ever seen in your life. Loki's hand held your waist and kept you firmly against him. You walked through the decorated hall and past blurs of dancing couples.

You felt a twinge of remorse when you saw Rae on stage, singing. She had been so kind to you in your hour of need and you had yet to thank her for it. You made a mental note to see her the following day.

You found Thor and talked with him while he sipped his wine. Loki seemed to tense and you moved your gaze to follow his. Ah, Prince Malafice was approaching.

Loki's grip on you was almost painful. You could see his jaw clench and his eyes turn darker.

"Loki," Malafice said gracefully. He did not seem to notice the rage pouring off of Loki.

Loki merely nodded tightly. You smiled and greeted him, trying to make up for Loki's rudeness. You didn't want a war on his account.

"May I steal that dance with you now?" Malafice asked, keeping his attention on you.

" _That_ dance?" Loki asked at the clearly previously discussed question.

"I met the Prince earlier in the library," you admitted, stroking Loki's hand with your own, trying to calm it. You felt him relax slightly at your touch. "He asked for a dance. Surely you don't mind?" you asked carefully.

Loki took a moment and breathed in deeply. "Why should I?" he asked coldly. Reluctantly, he let you go and Malafice was there to take your hand.

You smiled at Loki and made a face at Malafice behind his back, which earned you a smirk of approval.

Dancing with Malafice was exactly as you would have guessed. He was excellent. He held you close, but not too close. He was fluid and graceful in his movements and held a pleased smile on his face. You noticed that his hand dipped a little low on your back and that his eyes dipped a few times to your cleavage, but you did not feel entirely violated.

"You are beautiful," he commented. "Loki is a very lucky man."

You couldn't help but blush. He seemed to truly mean it.

"We are both rather lucky, I believe."

"Well, don't mind me if I just steal you away one of these days," he joked. You laughed but something in his eyes made you stop.

"That would be quite the feat," you offered, trying to keep your tone light. Suddenly his hold on you felt like a prison. Luckily the song ended and you curtsied faster than you ever had and almost ran back to the safety of Loki's arms.

He had watched the entire exchange, although was unable to hear it.

"Was it dreadful?" he asked, half joking.

You nodded and nuzzled up under his chin. He kissed the top of your head.

"Soon," he whispered at your unspoken thought of when you could leave.

You hugged him tighter and watched as Malafice smiled at the two of you. He went off and danced with another princess, but every so often he would look at you.

You danced with Loki, but neither of you were particularly focused. All you could think of was when you could get him back to your bedroom.

Finally, after a few more hours, it was acceptable for you to leave. Eir smiled knowingly at you when you waved goodbye and you bushed.

Malafice came out of nowhere and bid you goodnight, kissing your hand, much to Loki's disgust. He told you he would be staying for another few days, implying that the two of you should get together. You tried to give an ambivalent answer and left, letting Loki scowl at him.

Once in the bedroom, it was as though the two of you were magnets. You did not pull apart except to disrobe. Your bodies grabbed and groped at each other hungrily. When he was inside you, you felt more at home than you had in a long time. When you came together, and you felt him spill inside you, a relief washed over you like a giant wave. Panting, you held on to each other afterwards. The physical connection had been too long disconnected.

Loki held you afterwards, stroking your skin with his soft hands.

After a few minutes of silence, Loki spoke.

"Malafice likes you," he stated.

You shrugged.

"It's not mutual."

Loki hummed in approval.

"He's just... strange. I don't understand him," you added.

"There's nothing to understand."

You shrugged again. He was probably right. You were about to say something again, but before you knew it, Loki was on top of you, mouth on yours, ready for round two. You laughed into the kiss at his eagerness but were soon moaning and writhing beneath him.

You mentally thanked Eir, but soon all thoughts were gone as Loki thrust himself in and out of you and had to two of you panting together in sync.

It was so nice to have Loki back. After a few more rounds, you finally fell asleep. You felt different... there was a sort of warmth growing inside you. You didn't want to jinx it so you pushed the thought away.

All that mattered was that Loki was back completely, and that you had the rest of your lives to be together like this. You sighed and smiled, completely content in his arms.


	28. Chapter 28

In the mornings that followed the ball, you felt immense happiness. Every night Loki would make love to you and every morning you could not shake that feeling of complete joy. Not that you would have wanted to. It was like you were aware of every part of your body at once. Waking up, you felt Loki's firm chest behind you. You felt his arm wrapped around your stomach and pressed it closer to you. You smiled at his warm breath on your neck and savored the moment of peace.

It had been a few weeks, and still Malafice stayed after all the other guests had gone. You had done your best to ignore him, hiding around corners when you heard his voice, taking the most direct routes, avoiding the library. He somehow managed to find you at least once a day. Your exchanges were always formal, but he would compliment you in a way that you perceived as inappropriate. He would admire your beauty or compliment your smile. You would thank him and try to leave as quickly as possible. Whenever Loki was around you could feel Malafice's eyes on you and noticed Loki's possessive arm pull tight around you.

Maybe today would be the day he would leave. Odin seemed to have no problem with him staying here, perhaps because to ask him to leave would be an insult. You sighed, hoping that today would be the day. You laid with Loki for a while, listening to him breathe. He was still fast asleep, and rightly so. Your night had been rather tiring. You were content to lay silently with him for a while but a wave of nausea suddenly overtook you.

Trying to move quickly enough not to make a mess in the room and simultaneously not wake Loki, you slipped out of his arms and ran on the balls of your feet to the bathroom.

Retching over the toilet, you gripped the sides for balance. You immediately felt relief once  your stomach was empty and sat back on your knees. You went to the sink and cleaned up. Looking at yourself in the mirror you cocked your head to the side. Something looked different. Good different. You felt your breasts. Tender.

You heard Loki stir and jumped a little. You had been completely wrapped up in yourself. How unlike you.

Wanting to surprise Loki this morning with something special, you quietly slipped out after dawning a dressing gown to go to the kitchen. Almost no one was awake at this hour and you didn't think anyone would mind your slight indecency.

The hallway was a little chilly and you wrapped your robe around you. You silently scolded yourself for forgetting shoes, but it was too late now. Half way to the kitchen you stopped dead in your tracks. A familiar voice called you.

"Princess?"

You shivered.

"Prince Malafice," you said with a fake smile. "Why am I not surprised?"

He smiled as if he thought you were jesting.

"What are you doing awake at such an hour?"

"I was just running to the kitchen to fetch my husband some breakfast," you replied, emphasizing the word husband.

"Surely there are servants?" he asked, walking closer to you. He had already dressed for the day and you were very aware of your thin robe at the moment. His eyes slid down your body making you shiver.

"There are, but I prefer the personal touch," you explained. "I'll see you later," you turned to leave.

Malafice caught your arm and held it tightly. He looked at you with lust and breathed heavily.

"I prefer the personal touch as well," he whispered. He waited a moment but when you did not respond he let you go.

Around the corner you waited until you heard his footsteps retreat and then slid down the wall, your heart beating a million miles a minute.

You held your face in your hands. You weren't sure why that encounter had rattled you. There was something in his eyes... something terrible. Beneath the compliments and niceties lurked something ominous. Surely today would be the day that he left. Right?

You slowed your breathing to a normal rate and started to stand.

"Do you need assistance?" another familiar voice asked. You turned to see Eir watching you carefully.

"Is everyone usually up at this hour?" you asked, more to yourself than to her.

Eir chuckled. "The King had an emergency. Nothing to worry about though. He's just a worry wort," her nose crinkled when she smiled. Only Eir could get away with calling Odin a worry wort.

You smiled at her, relieved for some friendly comfort rather than your previous hallway companion.

You looked back down the hallway to make sure Malafice was not there. Thankfully, the coast was clear.

"I was just on my way to the kitchens," you explained. "Care to join me?"

"I suppose you'll be eating for two then?" she asked with her knowing smile.

"Well, yes. I want to surprise Loki this morning," you said.

She laughed and it sounded like music. 

"Three then," she conceded.

It took you a moment. The nausea. The breast tenderness. That feeling. 

Oh.

Eir laughed again when she saw the revelation on your face.

"I'm... I'm..." you couldn't even say it.

Your knees felt weak and you smiled widely.

"Pregnant," Eir finished for you. "Come on," she added. She led you to the kitchen and helped you gather a lovely breakfast. "Protein," she demanded, grabbing as much meat as she could. Fruits and grains were also added. More than enough for you, Loki and... your new family member.

You felt your hand run along your stomach. Although you desperately wanted to tell Loki, you wanted these few moments to yourself. You had come so far, changed so much. And now this wonderful gift. You felt immensely blessed.

"Do you think he'll be pleased?" you heard yourself ask. You didn't even remember thinking it.

Eir smiled. "Do you?"

Thinking back, you remembered the village you had visited with Loki. The children had been drawn to him after you showed them how he really was. He had smiled, hadn't he?

"I think so," you blushed. How could he not be? This would be a piece of you and him fused together in a bundle of small life.

"Me too," she conceded.

Unlike yourself, Eir had many patients to attend to, so she left you with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. You assured her you were fine to carry the tray by yourself back to your room. Loki was most likely still sleeping so you had time.

You walked down the deserted hallway with the biggest grin on your face. The cold floor didn't bother you and the tray could have weighed less than a feather.

You felt invincible. Nothing could bring you down.

Then a hand clasped around your mouth from behind. No one heard the tray fall to the ground as you struggled. No one heard your muffled screams or your limbs come in contact with another body.

Soon you felt a prick in your neck and your body went limp. From the ground looking up you saw him. Malafice leaned over you and placed a finger to your lips.

"Shh, it's alright. I'm taking you home now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahaha cliff hanger! don't worry dear friends, I shall update today or tomorrow :)


	29. Chapter 29

Everything was dark. Your head was spinning but you were pretty sure the only source of light came from underneath a door. You patted the surface around you - soft. A bed? You held your hand out in front of you but could barely see the shape of your fingers.

You stretched out your arms carefully, feeling around for any edges. Finding none you sat up slowly. Oh, bad idea. Your head ached and so did your knees and elbows. It felt like you had been kneeing and elbowing something very hard.

You moved your legs trying to stretch and heard a small clang. Your head was starting to clear now and you realized your ankle was bound to what you assumed would be the bedpost. It was light weight enough not to hurt you, but you had no doubt it would not come off.

Sighing, you laid back. What was there to do? You couldn't see anything so you couldn't try to escape without knowing if you were in danger. Best to wait it out for now.

You stared up blankly at the dark space. Loki. Where was he? You remembered that Malafice had grabbed you... was it this morning? How long had you been asleep? Was Loki looking for you?

Your mind raced with possibilities. He would surely know that something was wrong when you went missing without explanation. He would instantly suspect Malafice... right?

The door flung open then, interrupting your worries. A silhouette stood in the doorway. A flicker and suddenly a candle was lit. Malafice.

You sat up and automatically went to pull your rob around you. Only... there was no robe. He had stripped you bare down to a bra and panties. You tried to cover yourself with your hands but it wasn't much use. You pulled your knees to your chest and looked at him, waiting for him to say something.

Malafice took his time, rounding the room, lighting candles for light. Apparently there was no window in this room. You had no idea what time of day it was.

You said nothing and stared daggers at the man who had taken you. Why hadn't you been stronger? Fought harder?

_Pregnant._

The word jumped to mind out of nowhere. You had been on your way to tell Loki the good news... Your stomach churned. You had to stay alive. It wasn't just about you, or even Loki anymore. You couldn't let Malafice know you were pregnant. If he wanted you as a... bride or some kind of companion, he would not take kindly to Loki's child inside you.

You held back the tears you felt when the thought of Loki's child crossed your mind. Images of an idealized life came to your mind so vividly and you prayed you could act those fantasies out one day.

Malafice walked slowly over towards the bed. Now that most of the room was illuminated you could see far better. It was a small room. You were seated on a bed with moderate decoration. The walls were plain but there was one bookshelf next to a fireplace. Other than that the room was bare.

"Welcome home," Malafice said with a psychotic grin.

You figured you had two options: resist, or play along. He wasn't completely an idiot so if you did play along you would have to be semi-realistic about it. It seemed like the best plan and the least likely option to produce violence. You simply had to bide your time until Loki came, or you could find an escape.

Although, soon enough you would start to show... and Malafice would know it wasn't his child growing in there. And that would not end well.

"Thank you," you managed.

He sat on the edge of the bed and lightly placed a hand on your exposed thigh. You shivered but tried to cover that up with a smile. His skin burned against yours and it took every fiber of restraint not to hit him.

"Did you sleep well?"

Sleep? He had drugged you.

"Yes," you said, faking a yawn. Unsure what to do next, you simply stared at him.

"I'm sorry about that," he motioned to your shackle. "Wasn't sure you'd be entirely accepting at first."

You looked at him. Had he seriously thought you might be okay with this... ever? You took a deep breath and responded.

"Maybe not at first... But I've been known to change my mind," every lie had to have some truth to sound convincing. You had changed your mind about Loki... but that was not about to happen here.

You tried to smile and he apparently bought it.

"You know, it took some planning, but I think it's worth it. I can tell you will be happy here." He moved his hand up your leg slowly.

You carefully put your hand on his, making it seem like you wanted to bring it to your lips. You had to follow through and repressed a gag when you placed your lips to his hand.

"What did Loki say?" you asked. His eyebrows knit together at the mention of your husband so you quickly added, "Was he jealous?" and tried to sound seductive and uncaring. You might have been an actress in another life.

A smile appeared on his face.

"He doesn't know," Malafice replied. "I told the servants to tell Loki that you had gone to the woods for a walk. When you don't return, they will simply assume you were attacked or killed by some animal."

He seemed thrilled at his dull lie.

Suddenly you remembered: Lilla. She would never buy that. Malafice had been there long enough to be seen by all the servants. They saw the exchanges between you two and would no doubt be suspicious... right? You had to hope.

"You're clever," you said, trying not to sound sarcastic.

Malafice got up and you felt immense relief at his distance.

"Hungry?" he asked. Your stomach growled in response. How long had you been out and not eaten? It was not good for the baby.

"Yes," you admitted.

"I will bring us some food then," Malafice smiled at you.

Even if you had to suffer through dinner with him, he still was going to supply you and your baby with food you needed. It had to be done.

"Maybe you could take this off?" you tried to sound nonchalant and pointed at the shackle. "I'm afraid it'll bruise."

Malafice eyed you carefully.

"It stays on," he answered coldly.

Okay, take it slower. Noted.

"Alright," you said lightly. You tried to lean back and act like you were completely fine with being half naked and shackled to a bed of a man you hated. He glanced over your body before leaving the room.

Once he left you turned on your side and curled your knees into your chest. You couldn't help it, you started crying. You did so silently in case anyone was listening. You were alone, scared, and helpless. You weren't even worried about your life, but the life you carried within you.

Hearing footsteps, you quickly wiped your eyes and returned to your previous sitting position. Malafice opened the door with a tray of food in his hand. It wasn't as lovely as the food in Asgard, but you assumed it would taste good enough.

This time he sat closer to you and picked up a small piece of meat. He wanted to feed you. How degrading. You smiled and took the food. Whatever it took to survive, you told yourself.

The meat tasted too salty, but at least you wouldn't starve. You let him feed you more and reciprocated. He seemed to enjoy this. At least you didn't have to talk while you ate.

When you had both finished your plate he set it aside and turned to you.

"You are so beautiful," he said, moving his left hand to caress your cheek.

You focused on a spot across the room and stared. Maybe if you focused hard enough you could ignore the situation.

You felt a sharp pull on your chin which yanked your attention back to him. He had grabbed you and was looking menacingly at you.

"You say thank you when I compliment you," he demanded. You shook slightly at this sudden change in demeanor.

"Sorry, my Prince," you answered shakily.

His grip relaxed and he smiled as if nothing had happened.

"Now, we should talk about the wedding."

It was hard to keep up with his mood changes, let alone whatever he was talking about.

"The wedding?"

He seemed surprised, like this had been your idea.

"Of course. I can't very well have you here and not be my wife."

"What about--"

"Don't worry about your silly 'union' with Loki. It means nothing in comparison to what we have." He took your hands in his and leaned in to kiss you. You closed your eyes and let him, afraid of what he would do if you didn't. His lips felt completely wrong. They were cold and chapped.

He didn't notice your non-responsiveness and pulled away smiling.

"We will be so happy together. I will make the wedding as soon as possible."

"Great," you managed.

"What's wrong? You're not thinking about _him_ are you?"

Yes.

"No, of course not... I'm just... tired."

Malafice nodded.

"Of course, I'll let you rest. Tomorrow, we will be as one, my darling."

Tomorrow? You gulped and nodded shakily as you watched him go.

You willed Loki to hear your thoughts. Would he get here? What would happen if you had to marry this man? What would happen to you that _night_?

Malafice had left the candles burning but even with the light you couldn't see anything that would help you with the metal shackle. The length of the chain didn't allow for you to get off of the bed in search for anything anyway. You would have to stay put for now.

You held your stomach with your hands and traced soft circles on the skin. You closed your eyes and imagined Loki's face when you finally got to tell him. Thinking it would comfort you, you imagined it in detail... what you would say, how he would respond, how he would kiss you and tell you he loved you... you felt tears roll down your eyes and shook the thoughts away. They just made everything here seem darker. You tried to sleep but in the end gave up and stared at the ceiling. You weren't sure how long it was until the next day, but this was a wedding you did not plan on attending. You willed time to slow down here as Loki figured out where you were.

Your thoughts drifted back in time to something Loki had said to you once.

_I will always come back for you._

Silencing your sobs with your pillow, you hoped he was right. You had to hope that he would come for you this time too. Because what other hope did you have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so I'm all about that damsel in distress saving herself, but the climax to this sequence requires a setback in feminism a bit... but it's worth it, I think... I have a plan :)


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end, I couldn't bring myself to have my damsel be merely in distress... :) kick-assery ensues... enjoy.

For a moment you thought the soft hand on your cheek was Loki's. For one blissful moment you forgot where you were and who you were with. As you opened your eyes, the dark reality surrounded you. It was not Loki's sweet hand, it was Malafice's cold one. You jumped, startled at his presence when you were not conscious. How long had he been watching you? He looked down at you from his place on the side of your bed.

He looked at you as he would a golden throne or a jewel... as an object. You tried not to flinch as he caressed your cheek. When he saw that you had opened your eyes he smiled widely. It made your empty stomach churn.

"Good morning, my love," he whispered.

Although you had initially felt sleepy, you were now fully awake and in defense mode. You couldn't risk him seeing past your facade. And not just for your sake. Your hand instinctively went to your stomach as you sat up but you caught yourself in time and pulled it away before he could see.

"Good morning," you tried to sound jovial.

"Today's the day!" he exclaimed, standing by the end of the bed. He was already dressed and ready for the day. You were still only in lingerie.

You thanked the gods that you had not started to show before he took you. You still feared what he would do if he found out. Surely you would not be safe, and neither would your child.

You had to figure something out... you couldn't just wait around hoping for a rescue. But when? The wedding was _today_. 

You forced a smile which he seemed to buy.

He suddenly came back to you, taking your hand in his. Goosebumps on your skin warned you that you were in danger, as if you didn't already know. Hopefully he would think it was from giddiness or nervous excitement.

He gazed into your eyes and you forced yourself to meet his gaze, remembering his slight violence when you did not do so previously.

"I can't wait to make you mine," he whispered. "You have no idea how hard it was watching you parade around on the arm of that... imbecile. I knew you weren't happy. I knew you would be much happier here with me."

You nodded stiffly, not trusting your voice.

"As soon as we're wed... I want to start a family," he continued. "What do you think?"

You felt the room spinning and the walls closing in. Start a family? Be married? To this man? You definitely needed an escape route. You eyed the chain that still bound you to the bed. Surely the wedding would not take place in this dingy room? They would have to take the chain off of you eventually today.

"What will the wedding be like?" you asked, trying to figure out a plan.

"Well, my maids will come in in a few minutes and dress and ready you. Then we will go to the hall and have a small ceremony - only mother and father and the officiator will be there. I want this to be intimate. And then..." he took a deep breath and moved a hand onto your thigh. "We consummate our love."

No.

That was not going to happen. Your muscles tightened in your legs in response to his touch. They clamped shut, but he still moved his hand further up your leg. He licked his lips hungrily and traced the lines of your body with his eyes.

"Maybe we should start the consummation early," he breathed.

"NO!" you shouted involuntarily. He was clearly taken aback. Before he could get angry, you quickly covered it up. "I want to be... yours... before we do... that," you managed to spit out.

He smiled and bit his lip.

"And that's why I love you," he said.

You did your best to look pleased at this while your insides were twisting. All this stress was definitely not good for baby. Something had to be done.

There was a knock on the door then and a few servants entered. They were brutish looking and fat. They were nothing like the sweet and kind Lilla. Oh how you missed everyone at the castle.

"Well, there is work to be done," Malafice said, and stood.

He pulled a key from his pocket and undid your shackle. You immediately rubbed your ankle and felt immense relief. That would definitely bruise.

Before you could even think about making a run for it you were pinned on the bed. Malafice was on top of you, his lips on yours. He slid his tongue in your mouth while his hands grabbed your wrists holding you down. You did your best to lie still and wait it out. You were no match for him.

Eventually he stood up. He wiped his mouth and smiled.

"I will see you at the alter," he winked.

And with that he left you in the hands of the angry looking servants.

"Good morning," you tried.

Nothing from them. They merely glared at you.

Suddenly they were sweeping you around and into the bathroom. You barely had to do anything yourself. They bathed you roughly and you had almost no time to be embarrassed at your nudity. They then fit you into a tight wedding dress. It was way too much. The white fabric was bejeweled with too many rubies and sapphires. It looked hideous and did not fit well.

You almost laughed at how atrocious this dress was. Finally they stuck you in some heels and pushed you towards the door.

Everything moved so fast, somehow you were able to keep up with the servants as they handed you flowers and pushed you down various hallways. This palace wasn't even half as nice as Asgard. The walls were moldy and there was a stench of fish in the air. You tried not to gag as they led you down even more hallways.

Finally you ended at a large wooden door. Apparently this was your entrance. This was probably also your time of escape. Even if you could run, there were meaty servants there to hold you back and you couldn't take all of them. But in there, you shuddered, was the worst thing imaginable.

The servants were nudging you from behind and you heard music start from behind the door. Apparently that was your cue. With no other option, you opened the door, hoping for some kind of miracle. You entire body felt like a foreign skin. You itched and ached with the physical display of the emotional turmoil you felt.

You walked into another badly lit room. There were a fair amount of flowers but most of them were dead or dying. You saw Malafice at the end of the aisle and you immediately wanted to run the other way. Sneaking a look back you knew you could not. By the doors on the inside were two guards.

Up at the end of the aisle, Malafice stood with the officiator. His parents sat to the side of them, almost falling asleep. You were sure they never would have thought their son would have gotten married. If you had your way, he wouldn't.

You couldn't help but think back to your own wedding. How perfect it had been. How perfect _he_ had been. Your heart ached for Loki and tears streamed down your face. Uncaring, you walked towards Malafice, hoping an opportunity would present itself for an escape plan.

When you made it down the aisle you stood as far away from Malafice as you could. He smiled at you but you could not manage one back. The officiator started talking but you were not listening. You were feeling extreme discomfort. It felt like every part of you itched. Your calf started to itch so you used your heel to scratch it. You winced when you accidentally cut yourself with it.

Oh.

A weapon.

You would have to be quick. The officiator was still talking some bull about marriage and love and how the two of you were meant for each other. Meanwhile, you assessed your surroundings.

Thinking only for the safety of your unborn child, you thought critically. If you were to take off your heel quickly, you could use it as some kind of weapon. Malafice's throat was exposed, he had not worn anything to cover it. The only problem were the two guards, the officiator, and the King and Queen.

Perhaps if you held him hostage you could escape and then ditch him once you found a way out? Would a heel really be enough? You felt blood ooze down your calf and decided it just might be.

You touched your stomach one last time, promising silently to love the child more than life itself once it was born. In truth, you already did. This was a risk... but not taking this one, was an even bigger risk.

"Love is--"

The officiator was cut off by your sudden movements. No one understood what you were doing so they couldn't react until it was too late. You reached under the hideous dress and snatched up the shoe from the floor. You jumped behind Malafice and held the sharp heel to his throat.

"What--" was his surprised cry.

You felt the tip of the heel dig in a little to his throat - enough to draw some blood. Everyone's face wore a mask of shock and you smiled a little. The King and Queen no longer looked sleepy and the guards had drawn their swords. The officiator stepped back and put his hands up.

You turned your back to the door, more concerned about the people in power than the guards. They wouldn't act without a command.

Your hand wrapped tightly around the heel while the other held Malafice to you.

"My darling, what--"

"Oh, shut up," you spat at him. "Don't speak. And don't move or I swear," you dug the heel in a little harder drawing more blood from his throat and summing up your point.

He nodded slightly and you smiled. So far so good. The King stepped forward to address you. He seemed calm, but worried.

"Now, you put that down--"

"Just let me go and no one will get hurt."

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen," the King responded gently.

You glanced back at the guards, still holding the swords. The doors were still open. You just had to threaten your way to them.

The King stepped towards you slowly and you stepped back.

"This isn't a way for a Princess to act," he said.

"Maybe not. But I am not just a Princess. I am a woman. I am already married to a man I love immensely and miss terribly. And you know what else I am?" you paused, savoring the moment for once. A smile crept onto your face as you said, "Pregnant."

There was a stillness in the room for a long time. It was only broken by two words.

"You are?"

At first you didn't let yourself believe. It couldn't be...

You turned around slowly, keeping the sharp heel to Malafice's throat.

It wasn't an illusion or a hallucination. It was him. Loki stood at the door with at least 30 armed soldiers behind him. Thor stood to his left, staring with an open mouth at you.

The guards that had been standing at the door were easily pushed aside by Loki's soldiers and you felt your weapon drop to your side. Malafice fled to his parents' side like a child and you felt your knees weaken.

Loki ran to you and wrapped his arms around you. He kissed the top of your head and then kept kissing down to your lips. You melted into him, letting him support you. Everything stopped while your lips were on his. You pulled him to you, drinking him in.

After an eternity, you pulled away to look into his eyes. You were home.

He rested his forehead on yours for a moment before pulling away. He took your hand and moved so he was slightly in front of you. Malafice and his parents stood at the top of the aisle in awe.

You could feel Loki's rage radiating off of him in almost visual waves.

"You," he seethed.

Malafice trembled, hiding behind his parents. You were unsure what Loki would do.

You lightly squeezed Loki's hand and he relaxed a little. You knew that Malafice deserved punishment... but Loki had far more than punishment in mind, you were sure of that.

"I would have you tortured and killed in the most horrific way imaginable," he spoke slowly and clearly. "I would have you skinned and burned and all manor of torture for what you have done to my wife. Never again will our kingdoms be of service to each other, or at peace." He stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. You were sure that your hand was the only thing holding him back. "However... I know that my kind-hearted, perfect, amazing wife would not want that." He wasn't wrong. You wanted him punished but you weren't a sadist. "I know that she would think that an eye for an eye makes the world blind." Malafice seemed to be relaxing a little. "I do not wish to upset her... But I cannot let you go."

You did not know where this was leading.

"You have committed a capitol offense by kidnapping a Princess. Therefore," Loki's soldiers started walking towards Malafice with purpose. "You will be imprisoned in Asgard for the rest of your life... The rest of your life of course depending on your cellmate," Loki smirked.

Malafice's eyes widened and he looked to his parents for help. The King and Queen did not seem in any mood to be of assistance. Whether they had known you were here against your will or not was unclear. But they did not, apparently, have the means or will to fight Loki.

Loki's soldiers took Malafice forcefully and dragged him outside. You could hear his cries of terror as he left the hall. You glanced at Thor who smiled lightly at you before turning to follow the soldiers.

With a sarcastic bow, Loki left the King and Queen standing dumbstruck at the alter. The officiator had fainted during the activity.

Loki wrapped his arm around your waist and led you outside.

"I am glad you are safe," Thor beamed at you once you were outside the hall.

"Thank you for rescuing me," you smiled. It felt unreal that they had come for you.

"From what I saw, you didn't need rescuing," Loki squeezed your hip.

Thor walked ahead, leaving you and Loki alone for a minute.

Loki turned to you and cupped your face in his hands.

"My little one," he whispered, kissing you again.

"Loki... I was so scared. I thought..." you couldn't hold back the tears. Everything you had been feeling for the last few days came tumbling out, racking your body with sobs.

He held you close and shushed your crying.

"It's okay now, little one. I've got you. I told you, I would always come back to you."

So he had. And so he did.

You suddenly remembered that he knew.

"I was on my way to tell you about," you held your hand to your stomach. He immediately smiled. "But then he..." the memory was painful so you pushed it away.

"You're truly... We're going to have..." he couldn't seem to form the words.

He was excited... right?

"A baby," you finished for him, watching his expression carefully.

"A baby," he repeated. "A baby. Wow."

"Yeah, wow," you smiled. "Are you..."

"Ecstatic," he said, and kissed you. "A piece of me and you together? That is the best gift you or life could ever give me. I am blessed." He held his hand to your stomach and smiled.

"I love you," you said softly.

He pulled you close and you rested your head under his chin. You felt his heart beat and immediately relaxed.

"I love you, little one. And the _littler_ one too," you felt him chuckle.

You felt Loki's warmth and his strong arms around you and already felt like you were home. You barely remembered the carriage ride back to Asgard or the many people that greeted you on your return. You barely remembered Loki basically carrying you to bed and lying you down carefully, undressing you and kissing your stomach.

You did remember him holding you and whispering over and over how much he loved you. You would always remember that. You fell asleep quickly in his arms even though it was only the middle of the day. You thanked whatever forces had come together to bring you and your child home safely to the man you loved.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are filling me to the brim with happiness. I don't think you understand how much your compliments mean to me. Bless you all. This chapter is mostly fluff. I haven't decided the next plot line yet :)

You woke with a start, sure it had only been a dream and you were still shackled to that horrible bed. Feeling your jolt, Loki pulled you to him, snaking his arm around your stomach and pressing a gentle kiss to your neck.

"You are safe, little one," he whispered.

As soon as you heard his voice you relaxed. It was real, you had escaped.

Even though you were only captive for a few days (you later found out), it felt like an eternity. But now you were back and safe in Loki's arms once more. You reached your hand back and felt his soft hair. He took your hand and pressed his lips to it.

You sighed, content.

"I missed you more than you can fathom," Loki said between kisses up your arm. "I missed every inch of you. I felt a whole piece of myself was gone."

"I know exactly how you felt," you responded, remembering the feelings of hopelessness and hollowness. "It was hell."

Loki nodded and you turned over.

"From now on we need to make sure you're protected," he said, his eyes suddenly dark. "Someone must be with you at all times."

You shook your head. "That sounds like prison, Loki."

"It was not a request," he said softly. He wrapped his arm around your lower back and kissed your forehead. "I cannot risk losing you. Especially not now." His eyes darted down to your stomach.

You breathed in and out slowly. The idea of being stalked by guards or whoever Loki assigned was not pleasant. But given that it was not only your life he would be protecting, you gave in.

"Alright," you sighed. "But I get to say who it is."

Loki smiled slightly and nodded, apparently pleased that you had conceded at all. You were in no position to fight your way out of another kidnapping. Even less so as the months progressed.

"You should see Eir today, just to make sure."

"I will," you agreed. "But may I lay in bed with my husband a little longer?"

He smiled widely and kissed you. His tongue entered your mouth and you accepted him, allowing him to explore the places he'd been deprived of. It was a sensual kiss. One that reminded you that you belonged together. One that reminded you that he filled the empty spaces in you as much as you did for him.

After a while you consented to calling for Eir. She arrived soon afterwards and gave you a full physical examination. You dressed and she smiled triumphantly when she declared that you were healthy, minus the bruise from the shackle which would heal in a few days.

Loki seemed unconvinced by this, but Eir rolled her eyes.

"She is fine, I promise. You need to worry less," she said in her velvet voice.

Loki made a face. "Not possible."

You giggled a little and Eir smiled at you.

After promising that you were healthy one more time she left.

"Happy?" you asked Loki.

He was still scowling a little but his expression softened when you addressed him.

"Are you sure you feel alright? He didn't... do anything?" he couldn't quite meet your eyes. You hadn't talked about specifics of your kidnapping yet.

"He merely frightened me. He did not actually get a chance to do anything.... completely menacing." You pulled his chin towards you and he met your eyes. "I am fine, I promise."

He nodded slowly but still looked unconvinced. You hadn't asked what had happened to Malafice but you could guess. You had seen the giants and monsters they put away in those cells. Loki most likely put him in a cell with the most ferocious and most temperamental. The prince would not be long for this world if he hadn't left it already. You forced your thoughts away from such violence and back to Loki.

"What should we do today?" you asked, trying to sound playful.

He turned to you, eying you carefully.

"Rest," he ordered, pointing to the bed.

You stepped back and smiled, suddenly feeling mischievous.

"Make me," you teased, walking towards the door. He raised an eyebrow, challenging. "Come on then."

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly and you took off running. You opened the doors and ran down the hallway, looking behind you to see Loki chasing playfully after you. He could easily catch you but he let you run a little. You let out a howl of laughter as the passersby in the hallways looked on questioningly. Loki rolled his eyes and laughed at you.

You knew exactly where you wanted to spend your day so you ran to it. Once you got to the library you ran to the back section and stood in front of the secret entrance.

Loki arrived right after you and stopped, panting and smiling.

Without looking you pulled the book down and the door opened. Loki swept you off your feet and carried you inside while you kissed his neck. He sat down in the large armchair and you shuffled to get comfortable on his lap. There were a pile of books next to the chair ready to be read. Loki did not reach for them yet.

He looked down at you thoughtfully and you stared right back at him. You would never take this sight for granted. You drank in every moment you were together.

"I love you, little one," he said, pressing his lips to yours. "Even if you run when you really should be resting."

"I will rest now," you conceded. The little exercise had actually proven to be quite exhausting. You did not regret it though. Making Loki laugh was worth anything.

Loki reached for a book and began to read to you, taking his eyes of the page every now and then just because he wanted to look at you.

You felt your eyes droop and snuggled up closer to his chest. You felt the reverberations of his voice against your head and felt at home. Soon he had lulled you to sleep again and you dreamt of the things he was reading about.

You woke up and looked up. He had his eyes closed but opened them when he felt you shift. The book was on the chair's arm, open to the page he had left off on.

"Sorry," you said, rubbing your eyes. "You have a very hypnotic voice."

"Do no apologize. You rested," he said smiling.

Indeed you had. The nap had you feeling much better. It had also taken almost the whole day. Would you ever catch up on the sleep you had lost?

"We should probably eat something," Loki said, noting the time. You nodded and got off of his lap. You started to stretch. You felt him wrap his arms around you from behind and leaned back into him. His hands migrated to your stomach. "I am so excited for this child," he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

"I already love her so much," you said, wrapping your hands around his.

"Her?"

"Oh," you realized what you had said. "I just... I just feel like it's a girl," you said smiling.

"A girl," Loki mused. You stopped for a moment. Surely he would want a boy? Someone to be an heir? "A girl would be wonderful." Your fears melted away at this.

"I agree," you responded.

"How about some food for her?" he asked. You nodded and let him lead you out of the secret room.

Walking down the hall you were not prepared for the mammoth hug you received. Rae had come at you so fast you didn't have time to react.

"Oh my gods, thank goodness you're alright. I was so worried. You look great. I... Oh I missed you," Rae rambled.

Once you pulled yourself together from the suddenness of it all you smiled and laughed.

"I missed you too," you said. Loki looked on with an amused smile.

"What are you doing tonight? Come have dinner with me. Tell me everything," she asked hopefully. You were honored that she cared so much about you.

"Of course," you answered. You looked to Loki and he nodded slightly. "I'll meet you afterwards?" you asked him.

"Whatever you wish, my love," he said and kissed your forehead. He motioned for a guard to come over. "Just for now," he said. "Guard her with your life," Loki instructed. He turned to the guard and his voice turned darker. "I mean it. If anything happens..." his eyes finished the rest of the threat. He turned and smiled to you as he left. It amazed you how protective he could be. You smiled at the guard and walked with Rae to the dining hall.

You were served quickly and talked just as fast.

"What happened? I knew that Malafice was trouble the minute I saw him," she said, eating some of her vegetables.

"I'm sure you've heard," you said, not wanting to relive it. "It was awful. I thought I would die there."

"But then you escaped," she said, smiling. "And came back to us. You... you're amazing.... And pregnant!" she added when she remembered. "Are you excited?"

You couldn't stop the smile from spreading across your face.

"More than words can describe," you said. "I never thought I'd want children but... with Loki... I do."

She nodded knowingly.

"I can see that. I see how much you love him. And how much he loves you."

You blushed. It probably was very obvious.

"I'm happy that you're back and that you're happy," she said.

You finished your meals with small talk and jokes. It was nice to have a regular conversation with someone. You had missed Rae. When you were done she walked with you and your guard back to your room. You were already tired again and longed to be with Loki.

She bade you goodnight and you thanked her for everything. Walking in the bedroom you didn't see Loki at first. Walking in further you turned and saw the bathroom door ajar. You walked over and knocked on the door.

"Come in," came his sultry voice.

Opening the door you saw that he was lounging in the tub. It was full of bubbles which made him look ridiculous and almost childish. He smiled at you.

"Join me?"

You laughed and started to disrobe. Once you were naked you climbed into the warm water and laid against his chest.

His hands felt their way along your curves and onto your stomach. He hummed with happiness and you leaned back to kiss his jawline.

Soon his hands slipped downwards, past your navel. Your breath hitched as he started playing with your folds, every so often rubbing against your clit.

The water swished with your movements as you tried to get more out of his touch. You moaned and could feel his arousal pressing against you. You started to feel the familiar tension building so you turned around to face him.

Your mouths connected and you pulled him to you, moaning with pleasure as his hands found their way to your clit again. You moved to straddle him and positioned him at your entrance. Looking him in the eyes, you slid down, taking his full length in.

He sighed and tilted his head back. You nipped and sucked at his exposed neck as you slowly started to ride him. The water made for easy, slow movements and the two of you locked eyes. You held on to each other as he filled you completely. Soon you were both breathless. Him inside you and his fingers on your clit had you over the edge in no time. You moaned as your orgasm ignited his. You kissed and nipped at each others lips, riding out the high together.

"I love you," you whispered into his neck.

"I love you too, little one," he smiled.

Sighing contentedly, you flipped back over to lay against his chest. After the water turned cold you got out together and toweled off. You didn't bother putting on clothes as you slid into bed. He wrapped his arms around you and you were soon off to sleep again, safe and happy.


	32. Chapter 32

After two months of being back and safe with Loki, you had finally started to relax. Although it had been a rather quick event, the affects of the abduction haunted you in your dreams and during the day around dark corners of the palace.

As promised, Loki had let you select your guard. This, while it should have made you feel trapped perhaps, did actually set your mind at ease. No one would come up from behind you now.

You had settled on a largely built man who went by the name of Gruff. He had kind eyes, you had told Loki. He smirked at you, unbelieving, but let you choose him nonetheless. Gruff didn't speak much, but something about him made you feel safe.

It wasn't that you didn't feel safe with Loki. In fact, Gruff seemed to think that Loki was more than capable and left you two alone when you were together. Loki would be able to keep you safe... but he could not always be at your side. You both had things that you needed and wanted to do separately, and during these times Gruff would accompany you. You chatted away while he half-nodded in response. He was not a talker but it didn't bother you.

Now that life had gotten back to normal around the palace, you were able to see some familiar faces that you had been neglecting. The King and Queen had been unexpectedly happy to hear of your pregnancy once you returned. Frigga now saw you as a kindred spirit. You would be a mother as she was, and she was excited to share that with you. Odin took the cue from his wife and congratulated you. It seemed to you that he was shocked that not only had Loki found someone who willingly loved him, he now was going to willingly be a father. He seemed dumbstruck and unable to comprehend why you were all so happy, but he went along with it anyway, for which you were grateful.

While Lilla had been serving you, you had been so wrapped up with Loki not to be able to speak much with her. Now, as the months came and went, you called for her often. When Loki was away you sent for her and she came happily. Perhaps you were keeping her from more pressing matters she should attend to but you couldn't help yourself. She was significantly younger than you. Not young enough to be your daughter... but young enough to pretend.

In truth, you just couldn't wait for your child to be born. Lilla gave you that image of what you would have in a few months. You braided her hair and told her stories. It was amazing and the time that you spent with her only made you long for the birth of your own child.

"There is no need to rush," Loki would whisper when he came into the room with the two of you together. He knew exactly what you longed for. "We want a healthy, happy baby," he would say. "That takes time."

You would fidget and whine, but you knew he was right.

Lilla didn't seem to mind playing your daughter's stand-in for the moment though. You wondered if it was because she lacked a mother figure herself.

You were braiding Lilla's hair when Loki walked into the room hesitantly. You glanced over to him and smiled. He walked in slowly, lingering near the door for some reason. His eyes darted to Lilla, indicating that he would like her to leave. Unsure why, you cocked an eyebrow.

"I have a surprise for you," he said. Lilla started, unaware that he had walked into the room. She stood up almost like a soldier at attention. As much as you had told her otherwise, she still feared Loki a little and did her best to impress him.

"Good night, Lilla," you smiled at her. She curtsied and left the room with a bow towards your husband.

"Close your eyes," Loki smiled.

You sighed and indulged him, covering your eyes with your hands.

"No peaking," he said.

You heard a small grunt from him and it sounded as if he were dragging something in. How did he ever get that piano in here without waking you, you wondered.

Finally you felt his cool hands on yours as they guided them away from your eyes. He was blocking your view at the moment for whatever mysterious object was behind him. You stood up and he stepped aside, allowing your view.

It was a hand crafted cradle. The design was amazing. The wood was shaped to hold a bed for a child but the sides of the crib were in the designs of horses and stars. The images seemed to almost change shape as you looked at the intricate carvings on the sides. Your mouth dropped open in surprise and awe.

"Did you... make this?" you gasped.

"Yes, my love," he answered. He wrapped his arm around your waist and kissed the top of your head. "For our little one."

You walked over to the crib and Loki came with you. You smoothed your hand over the wood. You could feel the love that went in to making this. Upon further inspection you noted that there was a carving on the headboard.

In fine, cursive handwriting, there was carved:

_You are a child of the universe,_   
_no less than the trees and the stars;_   
_you have a right to be here._   
_And whether or not it is clear to you,_   
_no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should._

You felt tears in your eyes. This was the crib that would hold your and Loki's child. This child would grow up surrounded by love. She would know that her parents adored her, starting from the moment of her birth and continuing every second in this crib.

You turned to Loki and kissed him.

"It's so beautiful," you almost cried.

He smiled softly and held you while your hormones overtook you.

"Why are you crying?" he asked quietly.

"I am just... so happy," you said, trying to pull yourself together. It was true. After everything you had gone through especially these past few months, it was nice to just have something solid to hold on to - something that reminded you that even better things were coming.

"Good," he smiled and kissed you.

"You are going to spoil this child," you said after a moment. "I can tell."

"No," he said sarcastically. "What would make you think that?"

You looked at him for a moment, remembering the man he used to be. You remembered the mask he had worn and all that you had gone to to take that off. You never would have thought that the man you met when you came here would be the father of your child. You never would have imagined him laboring over a crib for days in order to present you and your daughter with something magnificent. You thanked the gods and whoever was responsible for making this happen.

"I never thought I'd see this happen," you confessed. Loki looked confused. "I remember how angry you were when we first met. I thought we would be married and live separate lives. I never thought any of this would happen. How wrong I was."

Loki considered this for a moment.

"Well, I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you... and... I never thought someone would love me," there was that sadness again that you thought you had banished for good. You kissed it away and held his face in your hands.

"And yet, here we are. Desperately in love and about to be... parents. About to have something in this world that is the pure combination of our souls."

Loki's eyes softened and returned to the present. Gone were his days of self doubt and hatred. You had shown him, as he had shown you, that you were both capable of loving and being loved.

This child would never know the pain or hurt that Odin had imposed on Loki in his childhood. You could see that Loki would never allow that to happen to his child. Loki would love your daughter with all of his heart. And it was because you had taught him how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inscription on the crib is from "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann.


	33. Chapter 33

It was amazing how fast your stomach was growing. It seemed like every week you needed a new dress just to accommodate your growing baby. You watched your skin expand with every growth spurt and smiled knowing it would only be a month or so until you finally got to meet your baby.

Loki had taken to absently pulling you to him, just so he could caress your stomach. It had gotten to the point that he didn't even notice he was doing it anymore. You noticed though, and couldn't stop the smile from spreading onto your face.

It had been a fairly easy pregnancy as far as you were concerned. The morning sickness hadn't lasted long and you didn't ever feel uncomfortable. Loki always made you comfortable somehow. He seemed to know what you'd want before you wanted it.

You noticed that along with his absent-minded caresses, he had also gotten more protective. When he was with you if anyone so much as looked at your stomach you'd feel him tense. He was constantly on the lookout - for what you didn't quite know. To you, it seemed like he might be overreacting. No one was going to attack you, surly. But you could tell that if anyone did, it would not end well for them.

Eir stopped in every now and again to see you and check on everything. She was happy with the way your pregnancy was progressing.

The first time your baby kicked was at dinner. It was just you, Loki, Thor and the King and Queen. You were quietly eating when all of the sudden you had let out a yelp. Unsure what had happened you took a moment to assess. Something had moved, but you hadn't done it. You realized that it had been the baby.

You put a hand to your stomach and smiled. She kicked again. Loki looked over, concern riddling his features. You grabbed his hand and held it to your stomach. When she kicked, his face changed so fast as the smile erupted onto it.

"What is it?" Thor had asked, excited.

You beckoned him to you and held his hand to your stomach. She kicked and his eyes grew wide. He grinned and laughed heartily.

"She's a strong one!" he bellowed.

The King and Queen smiled at you civilly. They had been through a pregnancy before, and it wasn't anything too alarming for them. Thor on the other hand, decided that he wanted to sit next to you in case anything else exciting happened.

He was like a happy dog with you. He would come and check on you sometimes and you came to enjoy his visits. While Loki was obviously excited and happy for your child, Thor was more open and unreserved about his emotions of being an uncle.

Since quite a few months had passed since the kicks, they had lost some of their novelty for Thor at least. He still loved to be around you and Loki, but now it was just a matter of actually being an uncle.

You understood that. You couldn't wait the month in order to meet the soul you'd created with Loki.

You sat in bed with Loki one night, thinking. You couldn't sleep for some reason so you contented yourself with playing with Loki's hair and watching him sleep peacefully.

After a few minutes he woke up slowly, his eyes fluttering open. He stared up lazily at you and smiled a serene smile.

"I had a dream," he spoke softly.

You snuggled down next to him so your faces were closer together.

"What was it?"

"It was you and me and our baby together. We were just outside, lounging in the sun. You were stunning as usual, and sat with her in your lap. I just watched you both with the most happiness I think I've ever felt."

You smiled, having had similar dreams.

"And her name... You called her Rosalia."

The second he said that name something clicked. Rosalia. Rose for short.

"That's a beautiful name," you said, kissing him.

"I think so too," he whispered.

"Rosalia," you repeated, letting it sink in. You would have to name her that.

Suddenly Loki's face fell. He looked almost pained, as if he had just thought of something horrible.

"What is it?" you asked. These expressions only arose when Loki truly felt something deeply and did not have the energy to conceal it.

He looked hesitantly towards you.

"You can tell me... Are you nervous?" you tried.

"Yes... and no," he answered cryptically.

"You're going to be a wonderful father, Loki," you reassured him. "I know it. You are so kind and gentle. Anything that you may have thought was wrong with you is only because you were wrongly told so. You will be brilliant."

He kissed you and leaned his forehead against yours.

"Thank you," he sighed. That wasn't it though, you could tell. "But... there's something more."

"Please, just tell me."

It was still hard for him, even now to admit some things for you. Although you had finished most of the work of tearing down the walls he had originally built to protect himself, there was nothing you could do for those deep, terrible, nagging thoughts that still pervaded his mind.

"Please," you repeated.

Loki took a deep breath.

"I'm just... I don't want to... have more to lose," he closed his eyes and bit his lip. A small tear rolled down his cheek and you quickly wiped it away. "I have you, and that's already my world. You could be snatched away from me at any moment and I would have nothing. And now... You give me this gift. A child. I cannot fathom what--"

He can't even finish the sentence. He turns away from you, rolling over onto his other side. You wrap your arm around him and nuzzle up to his neck. He couldn't face you but he didn't want you to leave so you just held him.

"Anything worth having has a risk," you tried. That wasn't comforting though. You couldn't think of what to say. "I'm scared too," you said.

He turned onto his back and you saw that his eyes were still wet.

"You are?"

"Of course!" you exclaimed. How could you not be? "But you can't worry about stuff like that. If you're always worried about the bad, how can you enjoy the good?"

He considered this for a moment and nodded.

"It's just... you mean the world to me. And this child... I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. I never knew I _could_ want this."

You nodded, taking him into your arms and kissing him.

"Listen to me. We are going to have this baby. She is going to be beautiful and perfect. We will love her and teach her. She will grown up and have babies of her own someday. Everything will be fine. Do you know how I know this?"

Loki shook his head.

"I know this because anything that comes from a love like ours will be a gift for this world. And the forces that be will not dare take that away from anyone."

Loki smiled at the fierceness of your voice. You meant every word you said. You realized that he felt extremely vulnerable at the moment - it wasn't often he cried in front of you - so you let him come to you when he was ready. After a few moments he spoke.

"I love you," was all he whispered before kissing you softly.

This seemed to settle the matter as he soon fell back to sleep. You watched him for a little while before succumbing to the land of dreams. Loki had wrapped himself around you again and you felt his hand on your stomach, already protecting Rosalia. You laid your hand on top of his and felt her kick in response.

This was what it felt like to have everything you ever wanted... Or at least, it would be, once she joined you.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are literally hoisting my ego up on a throne, stahhp it. you're all so lovely thanks for the kudos and comments :)

Looking back, you wouldn't have changed anything. Even though it had been the most hectic day of your life at the palace.

After Rosalia was born, you wouldn't care that you had been alone when your water broke. You'd remember feeling a sudden shift in your body - you'd sensed something was different - and then realizing what was happening - but it wasn't the shining center of your memories of that day. You'd remember calling for Gruff because Loki was off doing something important for the kingdom. Afterwards you'd laugh at the expression on his face when he saw what was happening and promptly picked you up and ran with you to the medical wing.

You'd smile at the memory of Loki's face when he ran into the ward, searching for you. The relief on his face and then the sudden urgency were quite vivid.

What you wouldn't remember was the pain of giving birth. After you saw her, you wouldn't care that you thought you would die or pass out from the pain. You wouldn't remember screaming profanities at Loki, even though he would tease you endlessly about it afterwards.

You would simply remember Eir handing you your beautiful daughter. You would remember how the sunlight bounced off her new skin. You would remember her smell and the way her little hand groped around for yours. The feeling of her on your chest and the sigh of happiness and content that escaped your and Loki's lips. You'd remember how Loki leaned in and kissed her once she was cleaned up and whispered that you two would love her more than anything.

There was a time when you thought that perhaps Loki was the center of your universe. Your world tended to revolve around him. But now there was a new center. You knew it was the same for Loki as well. Even though you did not love each other any less, you had combined your attention to loving Rosalia as well.

She was so small. You had thought for sure that she would be enormous from the time and the energy spent birthing her. Yet here she was, a delicate petal, looking up at you with her father's eyes.

You cried. Oh, you cried. You were a mess with happiness. You nuzzled her and held her close and your tears fell around her. She was everything now.

Loki had crawled into bed with you at some point without you noticing. He moved to put his arm around you and the two of you snuggled close together. Eir had left to give you privacy and it was just the three of you.

You didn't know what to say. How could you put into words a feeling that was so infinite?

"She's so little," Loki whispered after a while.

Rosalia had fallen asleep in your arms and you couldn't tear your eyes away from her. You were afraid that if you glanced away she would be gone - to good to be true. You held her firmly yet lovingly and traced patterns on her soft skin.

"I know," you responded.

"Rosalia," Loki smiled. You smiled back. It had always been right since he had first said it.

"Rose," you tried out the nickname. Chancing a glance at Loki you saw him smile.

His eyes looked red and you hadn't realized through your own tears that he had shared them.

"This is your dad," you spoke to Rose like it was a secret. "And he loves you a lot."

"This is your mum," Loki mirrored. "And she is the most amazing woman in the universe."

You glanced at him again through your sweat soaked hair. Loki tucked a stray strand behind your ear.

"You are so beautiful," he said. You had never heard him compliment you in quite the same tone of voice before. His eyes were lost on you, searching as if you weren't really there.

"I'm a mess," you laughed. Giving birth was no Sunday bath.

"I mean it," he said with vehemence. "You are the most beautiful woman in the universe. Do you know that?"

You sighed, content to smile at his words.

You heard Thor before you saw him. He came almost sprinting into the room with an enormous grin on his face.

"She's here!" he exclaimed, walking towards you quickly. He was followed by Frigga and Odin who stepped into the room hesitantly. You gave them a warm smile. They were Rose's grandparents after all.

Thor walked to your side and pulled a chair up next to your bed. He looked like he was watching a precious stone being carved. He reached out after glancing up for your approval and took her small hand in his. He dwarfed her hand by about fifty times the size. Yet, he was so careful with her, so delicate.

"She is small, but strong," he concluded. "She will make a good warrior or a good doctor one day."

You smiled at him. He seemed truly happy for you both.

"And I hope her uncle will want to babysit sometimes?" you tried.

"Yes!" he answered. "We will have many adventures together."

Loki looked at his brother with more love than you had ever seen. Perhaps this was another way to repair those still-broken parts of him.

Frigga and Odin murmured their congratulations and left soon after. This didn't bother you. There would be plenty of time to see them later if you wished.

Thor couldn't stay for long and he was quickly replaced by Rae and Lilla who wandered in, unsure if they should be there.

"Come in," you beckoned. Rose was asleep in your arms still.

"She is perfect," Rae smiled. Lilla nodded in accordance.

They stayed for a little while and talked, but soon they left, leaving the three of you alone again.

As much as you wanted to stare at Rose for the rest of your life, hold her in your arms and do nothing else, your body was telling you otherwise.

"Sleep," Loki commanded, as if reading your body's internal screams.

"No," you tried weakly. "I don't want to."

"She'll still be here when you wake up, I promise," Loki said, reaching for her.

You carefully moved Rose so as not to wake her and Loki cradled her gently.

"We're not going anywhere," he said softly, looking only at Rose.

You closed your eyes after watching them for a moment. You thought that the image of him holding her next to you was probably the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen in your life.

It was good, you thought. Someone else to love him unconditionally.

**

When you woke up, the same image you fell asleep to was there. Loki was holding Rose. He turned to you when you opened your eyes.

"Good morning, mom," he said, as he took Rose's hand and waved to you.

"How long was I asleep?" you asked, looking out the window.

"Not long," he smiled. "It's early."

You nodded and sat up, reaching for Rose. You realized you should feed her and Loki helped you.

Just then you heard a small knock and Eir entered. She smiled down at you three as she greeted you.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Amazing," you responded. "Just a little tired."

"Get ready to be tired for a long time," she joked. You nodded, fully aware.

"You'll be ready to go pretty soon if you would like to return to your room. There weren't any complications or anything and we're right here in the palace if you need anything."

You nodded and thanked her. You and Loki decided to leave that evening and move her in with you.

Even though the entire palace was your home, bringing her to your quarters was different. Here was an intimate space. Here was where you would really become a family.

When you entered the room with her, you couldn't stop smiling. It was real. It was really happening. She was here and now you could start a whole new life. It was overwhelming.

You didn't want to be apart from her, but your body was screaming at you to bathe. You asked Loki to hold her while you quickly showered, and he did not object, carefully taking her in his arms.

The shower was amazing and you felt completely revived afterwards. You exited the bathroom in a robe and stood at the door for a moment.

Loki was still holding Rose in his arms. His back was to you and he was standing over the cradle. He was whispering something to her.

Not wanting to intrude, but also unable to stop yourself, you walked softly towards him.

"You have no idea how much I love you. And you don't know this yet, but I will always love you. I may not have been loved when I was your age, but that doesn't matter now. Do you know that I thought that maybe this would never happen for me? I never thought I would be blessed with such a gift as you. And I know that I will be good for you. I know that I will be a good father. I will love you because, Rose, my darling.... now I know how. Your mum," he turned slowly. Apparently you weren't as stealthy as you thought. "Your mum has shown me how."

You closed the distance between you and Loki and gazed down at her. She was so small in Loki's long arms. They made for an excellent cradle as far as she was concerned.

Slowly, Rose opened her eyes to look up at the two of you. A tear rolled down your cheek and you leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Her eyes fluttered shut again as if that one glance were exhausting. That's how you felt too all of the sudden. The shower had felt amazing but now that exhaustion was creeping up on you again. Loki gently placed her down in her cradle and put his hand on the small of your back, leading you towards the bed.

You didn't fight it and curled up next to him. Having Rose a few feet away seemed like an eternity away. You wanted her closer to you. Loki seemingly read your mind. He brought her over to you and laid her between the two of you. The cradle could be for other nights, you thought. For now, you needed to all be together.

And that's how you fell asleep. Loki watched as you closed your eyes to the sight of them next to you. He stayed awake while you slept and watched Rose. You both had everything you'd ever wanted in this or any other life, and you thanked whoever was in control of your fates for the many gifts they had given you.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call myself a writer but I am at a loss for words because of all your sweet comments. Seriously, I'm so glad you're enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it. Much love from me to you, thank you <3

The week had gone by fast, but it had been the brightest and happiest of your life. You and Loki spent a good deal of time recuperating and getting to know the newest member of your family. You had more or less stayed in your room, playing with, feeding and generally adoring your new daughter.

This morning, you woke up to something other than bright sunlight. It was music, you decided, before you opened your eyes.

You rolled over to your left side, knowing that when you opened your eyes, she would be right there next to you in the crib that Loki had built.

You didn't question why there was piano music playing, but you finally opened your eyes and just as you had suspected, Rose was staring right back at you.

It was fascinating how much of Loki was in her eyes. Even though she probably wasn't conscious of it, that glimmer of mischief was already there. You smiled at the thought of her when she would be older and able to do some real damage.

As your brain woke up more you realized you didn't know this song that floated through the air. You turned and saw Loki at the piano, eyes closed, fingers gently tapping at the keys.

You sat up in bed and reached over into the crib. You pulled Rose to your chest and kissed her head. Still Loki did not notice anything. He was lost in his new composition. You sat back in the bed with Rose in your lap. She stared happily up at you, soothed by the music.

You listened with your eyes closed. You knew that Loki was gifted - you learned that from the exquisite piece he had written for you. But this was different. Loki's song for you had been fully emotional, passionate, intense. This was quiet, delicate, and filled with an intangible effect of longing.

You swayed Rose in your arms as the piece came to a slow and peaceful end. You opened your eyes slowly and saw Loki turn his gaze to you.

His eyes traveled down you to Rose and a smile that you hadn't seen before her birth showed itself. As much as he might consider himself a great liar at times, you had always been able to see through whatever mask he had by his eyes. This was no different. His gaze gave away every emotion he was feeling. Looking at the two of you he was absolutely complete.

Loki stood and walked over to you. You stood up off of the bed with Rose to meet him.

He kissed your forehead and then moved closer to you. The two of you formed an arc over Rose and gazed down at her with all the affection in the world.

"Good morning my loves," he whispered.

Rose gurgled in response eliciting a laugh from both of you.

"Loki, that was--" you couldn't find any words to accurately describe his music. Instead you just shook your head and sighed with a smile.

"It's called _Rosalia_ ," he smiled. "It's been running through my head since her birth and I finally got it down to be able to play it. It was a tricky one," he admitted.

"It was perfect," you said. He looked at you and smiled.

"Well, so was the inspiration." Loki looked down at Rose and held her delicate hand with his. It reminded you of when Thor had done the same in the medical wing, but a little different. Thor's hands were large, strong. Loki's were slender, matching her delicacy in their own way. "Thank you," he said after a long stretch of silence.

"What for?" you asked. He had just given you an amazing gift of that song for Rose. What did he have to be thanking you for?

"For her, for you... for everything," Loki said, swallowing hard afterwards.

You held Rose carefully in one arm and pulled Loki in for a kiss with the other.

"I should be the one thanking you," you answered. "But I guess... we're both just lucky."

Loki nodded, but you sensed that he still felt this unequal power between you. Somehow, and you'd never fully understand how, he still believed that he loved you and was more grateful or somehow undeserving of you and Rose than you were of him. He would never really understand that you loved him and your daughter with all your heart and thought that you were the luckier, less deserving one. You sighed, knowing this was and probably always would be the irony of your relationship.

"What would you like to do today?" Loki asked, sensing you were staring to get cabin fever from the last week.

You shrugged, unsure.

"I don't know. Just take a walk maybe?"

Loki nodded with a smile.

You sat on the bed to feed Rose. Since the pregnancy your breasts had obviously gotten much larger. It was strange, but you didn't mind, and neither did Loki. You started feeding Rose and looked up at Loki. He was smiling down at you.

"You are magnificent," he said. "You are truly a giver of life... in many ways," he added.

When Rose was finished you and Loki had your breakfast and dressed.

The weather was beautiful outside and you only needed to wear a light dress. Rose was a little more bundled up, just in case.

You walked the grounds and let the nobles and family members say hello to Rose. They all adopted high voices when they saw her which amused you greatly.

Loki let you lead the way and even though you didn't consciously decide where to walk, it didn't surprise you when you ended up on the path to the broken tree.

You decided you needed a new name instead of "broken" for this tree now. You gasped and saw Loki smirk when you saw the new additions to the tree. Not only had the glowing flowers blossomed and spread, obscuring the crack in the bark completely, there were now tens of different wildlife surrounding it.

You stopped short and took it all in, angling Rose so she could see as well. The tree was unrecognizable with all its change and activity. Bright blue and yellow butterflies swirled around the flowers. Other winged creatures which you had never seen before joined them and created paths of glittering dust in their wake. Small animals skirted around the base of the tree, darting in and around the vines and flowers.

Your mouth was agape until you felt Loki's hand softly on your chin. You chuckled, closing your mouth.

"When did this happen?" you asked, still bewildered.

Loki did not look surprised although you were sure he hadn't been out here to check since Rose was born. Since it was still his magic, connected to him, you guessed he just might have felt the change. Still, it was something quite special to behold.

"When did our tree create new life?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. His gaze dipped down to Rose who smiled up at him.

"Oh," you said sheepishly. It would never cease to amaze you how beautiful this all was. Rose had helped heal the break inside Loki even more than you had imagined. If you hadn't known there was a crack in its bark before, you would never had thought there was one now. The tree teamed with life and radiated positive energy.

You had provided this for Loki; you and Rose.

Loki reached for Rose and you handed her over carefully. He cradled her in his arms and whispered something to her which you did not catch. You walked closer to the tree cautiously. You touched the petals which still glimmered at the contact. You held out your finger and a bright butterfly landed on it, making you gasp. You turned around to face him and saw his eyes light up at the sight of you.

He would never be able to explain this, but the sight of you, surrounded by the glowing representation of the break you had healed in him was overwhelming. Holding the soul you both created, he was filled even more. The tree itself seemed to sparkle and grow stronger still.

You walked back towards him and kissed him. Then you leaned over and placed a kiss on Rose's forehead.

You wished that you could live in this moment forever, surrounded by the people you loved the most in the most enchanting and loving environment.

You spent the afternoon by the tree. You talked and played with Rose to your heart's content.

By the end of the day you were both exhausted. You ate and bathed and went to bed.

Loki fell asleep quickly but you remained awake. Not long into the night Rose started crying. Loki didn't stir and since you were already awake, you picked Rose up and walked out into the hall. You didn't mind, you wanted to try to calm her and let Loki get some sleep.

In the hallway in your dressing gown, you didn't see anyone. It wasn't that late, but not many were still up. You held Rose quietly, shushing her gently. After a while she still wouldn't stop crying. She wasn't hungry and didn't need changing. You weren't sure what she needed.

"Here," you heard a voice from behind you.

Turning, you saw Frigga approaching you with outstretched hands.

"Let me show you a trick," she smiled.

You carefully handed her over to Frigga, slightly relieved not to be alone.

Frigga looked at Rose with absolute love. Although she hadn't come to visit since Rose's birth, you could tell that she did indeed love this child. She held her close to her chest and began rocking her side to side, humming lowly. You watched with fascination as Rose almost immediately stopped crying. Frigga continued until she was sure that Rose was asleep.

She looked at you, asking if you wanted to take her back. You nodded and accepted Rose who was now fast asleep.

"How did you do that?" you whispered, wide-eyed.

Frigga laughed lightly.

"I had the same problem with Loki when he was little. I tried everything, but only that would work."

"Thank you," you smiled and sighed. "I should probably go back in now," you added.

"Sure," she said. "But can I just... say something?" she seemed hesitant.

"Of course," you answered.

"Just be... careful. Odin... he would never do anything to hurt Rose but he's not exactly... pleased. Just keep an eye out, I wouldn't want him ruining what you have right now. I love him... but he doesn't understand Loki the way you and I do and this confuses him immensely."

You didn't understand any of this but nodded and thanked her for her warning. Odin didn't understand Loki? What did that have to do with anything? You noted to keep away from Odin as much as possible, especially when you had Rose with you.

Slipping back into the room, you saw Loki sitting up in bed. He was groggy with sleep and reached for you. You laid Rose back in her cradle, careful not to wake her.

You crawled back into bed with Loki who wrapped his arm seamless around your waist and snuggled up against your back. He nuzzled your neck and you closed your eyes.

"I wasn't sure where you went," he whispered.

"Rose was crying so I took her outside."

You felt him tense suddenly.

"Without me?" he asked.

"Yes," you answered. "Your mother came by and helped. She showed me what she used to do for you when--"

"You shouldn't have gone out there alone," Loki said, his voice low.

"Everything was fine. I didn't want to wake you."

"Please," he seemed to almost be begging you. "Please do not leave again without me. What if something had happened? Gruff wasn't there, I wasn't there..."

He trailed off, probably imagining all sorts of horrific "what if" scenarios.

You rolled over to face him, running your hand along his smooth cheek.

"I'm sorry," you said. "I know you are concerned about that... and I should be too. Next time, I will wake you."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, nodding.

"Thank you," he said.

You rolled back over and let him pull his body against yours.

"You have no idea how much I want... how much I need to protect you." His voice was breathy with sleep but you understood how much he meant it. "To lose you... would be the end of me," he added.

You swallowed hard. That was a lot of pressure for you, but to be fair, the loss of either him or Rose would be the end of your world as well. You pushed the thoughts away.

"We will be yours forever, Loki," you promised, squeezing his hand.

"Forever," he repeated.

 _Forever_ played over and over again like a song in your head until you finally fell asleep. Forever was a long time, for which you were grateful.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for you continuing support <3  
> I'll update the next chapter within the next day or so!

You hadn't had much time with the royal family since Rose had been born, so you were looking forward to the special dinner they had arranged in honor of the newest member of the family. Thor had been over the moon excited to tell you about it and you couldn't help but smile at him.

He had taken to addressing Rosalia as his little petal and you thought it was adorable. His voice went up a few octaves when he talked to her and you suppressed giggles at the muscly, large man making cooing noises to a baby.

You had seen Frigga around but hadn't had much time to talk with her. You hoped to sit next to her at dinner and discuss more helpful tactics for dealing with a small child. Not that Rose was at all difficult, but there were times when she didn't want to eat but should, and times like the other night when she wouldn't sleep. You were sure Frigga would be more than happy to help you out.

It was Odin that you worried about. Loki didn't know of Frigga's warning yet. You hadn't told him. You thought that maybe Frigga was underestimating him and wanted to wait until you had more to go on to tell Loki about it. Perhaps Rose could be the person to finally bring Loki and his father together.

When the time arrived, you and Loki walked into the dining hall to see the family seated around the table already. Thor and Frigga stood when you walked in and kissed your and Rose's cheeks. Loki was visibly more relaxed with Thor than he usually was, and you would have said that he even enjoyed his brother's presence.

Odin, much to your chagrin, did not stand to greet you. He merely smirked, staying seated at the table. His hand clutched a goblet of wine which he lifted to his mouth and took a long drink of.

You eventually sat and were served your food. Rose was still breastfeeding and you had done that before coming to the dinner. You were thrilled to see all your favorites at the table and ate happily.

Thor and Frigga were great company, while Odin sat at the table mostly silent.

"I remember," Frigga started, "When Loki and Thor were very little. Thor would always try to sneak up on Loki and scare him, but he never succeeded. Somehow, Loki would always manage to sneak up on his sneaking and scare the living daylights out of Thor." Frigga smiled in a way you hadn't seen before. It was nostalgia mixed with longing.

"I remember that!" Thor smiled.

"That never happened," Loki smirked at you.

"Your father was always a trickster," you said mostly to Rose. "I hope that's genetic," you winked at Loki.

Frigga and Thor chuckled and Odin grumbled.

"I'm sure she'll be just like her father," Thor said happily. "And what a gift that is."

His sentiment was clear and Loki looked a little taken aback at the compliment. You saw a smile creep up onto his face while he looked at Thor and nodded his thanks.

While they shared this bond, you looked at Odin. He seemed to be seething, staring at the two of them. He drank more wine and you wondered how many goblets he had already gone through.

Thor and Loki talked animatedly just between themselves. It was similar, you thought, to how you and Rae would talk to each other - like good friends. The concept of good friends between Loki and his brother was odd to you, but you smiled, appreciating the bond that Rose had created for them thus far.

While the boys talked, Frigga turned to you.

"How are you doing my dear?" she asked politely.

"I'm very well. Rose is really well behaved and after that trick to make her fall asleep... I can't thank you enough," you tried to convey all your thanks.

"Oh, that was nothing," she smiled. "I have quite a few tricks to teach you."

"So do I," Odin chimed in. The brothers were still in huddled conversation and didn't seem to notice their father speaking.

"Oh?" you asked, unsure what he might have to offer.

"Well, for starters, you could lose that pregnancy weight," he slurred.

Frigga glared daggers while you sat dumbstruck. You had been bumping Rose up and down on your knee but you froze, unsure if you heard him correctly.

"I'm... sorry?" you asked, unbelieving. You did so quietly. There was no reason to drag Loki into this yet, especially if he was having a decent time with Thor.

"Odin, please," Frigga spat at him. "Watch your mouth."

Odin rolled his eyes and drank more. Frigga grabbed the cup from his mouth and pushed it away from him, making a little wine spill on the table. Odin grumbled in response. Frigga looked at you apologetically and you just shook your head. He'd never liked you. Apparently after Rose that wouldn't change.

Odin was about to speak again but Thor spoke before he could get a word out.

"Mother, what was that song you used to sing to us?" he asked Frigga. Apparently the boys had been reminiscing about their youth. You smiled, happy for the distraction from Odin.

Frigga regaled them with a few songs of their youth and you listened as she hummed and sang snippets of tunes. They were all quite lovely, but none quite like the song that Loki had composed for Rose.

Avoiding Odin's poisonous glare, you finished dinner pleasantly. Thor made plans with Loki to do something manly that you wanted no part of. He also made plans to babysit for you and Loki one night so you two could go and have some alone time. You smiled and thanked him. You glanced at Frigga whose expression assured you she would babysit Thor babysitting Rose. You laughed, knowing that only she would truly understand your apprehensions.

After dinner, you returned to your chambers with Loki. He seemed in especially high spirits after the dinner.

"It's quite lovely," he remarked. "I've never seen Thor look at me like that."

"Like what?" you asked.

"Like... I wasn't just his little brother... I wasn't unequal to him. I think she has shown him that... I don't know... that I'm somehow valid or equal to him."

"I don't think he's ever thought of you as unequal," you answered.

Loki gave you a look that said you don't know him like I do.

"It's always been that way for me," he said, starting to undress.

You placed Rosalia in her crib and walked over to him. As he took off his tunic, you wrapped your arms around him. You stood on tip toe and kissed his shoulders gently. He sighed happily and turned to you. He wrapped his arms around you and smiled down at you.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked. "I know they're my family by blood but--"

"Yeah I did," you lied. "Thor and Frigga were both so lovely."

Loki furrowed his brows and frowned.

"But not my father?"

You looked away towards Rose but Loki brought your eyes back to him with his finger under your chin.

"Well..."

Loki kissed your forehead and stepped back, continuing to strip down to his underwear. You followed suit, glad to be rid of your dress. You looked down at your body. The weight from carrying Rose was definitely still there. You hadn't been aware of it because Loki made you feel beautiful all the time. Now that Odin had said something, you couldn't help but be a little self conscious. You turned your gaze back to Loki before he could notice anything was amiss.

"He will come around," Loki said, climbing into bed. He patted the empty space next to him and you settled in. "Rose has brought everyone closer together."

"I'm not sure it'll change anything with him," you said honestly. "I really think--"

"He will change, you'll see."

"Loki... I don't think he will. I know you want him to but I really think he just won't change his views on me, on Rose... or you," you were reluctant to add that last part. Although you never understood why, Loki had always wanted Odin's approval.

"You don't know that," Loki said, suddenly sounding defensive.

You turned to face him and sat up.

"I don't... but I have a feeling. And I think you might want to prepare for that--"

"I don't have to prepare for anything," Loki snapped. "He will come around. He must."

"Why?" you asked, exasperated.

"Because... because he just has to."

"Why do you need his approval?"

"I don't!" he raised his voice a little.

"It seems like you do and I don't understand why."

"What would you understand about that? Your father disowned you."

Oh. That hurt and Loki knew it. You could see remorse in his eyes but he didn't say anything else. He simply stared at you.

You hadn't thought about your father in a long time. He had basically sold you as an object. And while you were happy that you ended up with Loki, the whole process had made you see what a monster he was. You hadn't thought about it because it was still painful and here was Loki bringing it up again.

You tightened your lips into a fine line.

"Fine," you said curtly, trying not to cry.

Loki looked like he might say something, like he might apologize, but you turned away from him before he could. You fought the tears away and felt him ghost a hand over you, almost touching you.

You saw that Rose was already asleep so you shut your eyes. He retracted his hand and you felt him move away from you, smartly giving you your space.

You knew that it was a defense mechanism for him - to push you away - but you hadn't had to deal with that for a long time now. The whole beginning of your relationship had been a battle to break down those defenses, but apparently you'd missed one.

Even though he probably didn't mean it, it still hurt. The morose thoughts of your father haunted your dreams and you slept uneasily for only a few hours.

You and Loki hadn't fought for a long time. You hadn't gone to sleep without him holding you in ages. Without his body wrapped around yours your sleep was uneven and restless.

When you woke, he was not beside you. You looked outside the door and Gruff stood by it. He nodded at you and you returned into your room. You fed Rose and cradled her, wondering where Loki had gone.

Well, you weren't going to wait around all day for him. He would have to find some way to find you and figure all of this out.

Meanwhile, you had a craving to go to the library. You grabbed Rose and left a note saying that she was with you if Loki happened to come back.

You looked forward to reading her some of your favorite passages from your favorite books. While that thought excited you, another hung in the back of your mind like a dark raven. Loki had hurt you. On purpose. There was still at least one wall between you. You knew that you would work it out... but still... the conflict ate at you. If only you knew where he was. Why hadn't he stayed this morning to talk about it?

You tried to shake the thoughts from your head as you read to Rosalia. She was happy to sit on your lap and enjoy the tales she probably did not understand yet. Still, you read to her, awaiting Loki's return.


	37. Chapter 37

After reading to Rosalia for a few hours, you decided to return to your room. Putting down your book, you realized your resolve was split. Part of you wanted Loki to be there when you returned. You wanted to talk to him, work this out. The other part was scared for him to be there. What if he wasn’t sorry for hurting you? What if he didn’t want to make up? You shook your head, clearing the negative thoughts. This was Loki, your husband. He loved you, of course he would want to make up. But even then, even when he told you he was sorry for hurting you, there was still the problem of him not believing you. You never claimed to be absolutely right, but hadn’t even tried to understand what you had seen in his father.

You picked up your daughter and left the library. You would have to face him some time or another, you supposed. So he might as well be there when you returned.

You walked along the lonely hallways. There must have been something going on elsewhere in the palace for the usually busy corridors were bare. Walking along, you hummed to Rosalia who smiled up at you. This calmed you at least.

You rounded the corner that lead to your room but stopped. He hadn’t seen you, but Loki was walking down the hallways. Your heart hadn’t leapt like that for him since the beginning of your relationship. You took a moment to collect yourself behind the corner. You were about to make a move and speak to him, let him see you, but you heard another voice.

Odin.

You heard Loki stop in his tracks and turn. Odin stopped and talked to his son. You could only hear what they said, as you were too scared to let them see you peeking around the corner. From what you could tell, Odin had been at whatever function was being held today… and he had been drinking there.

“Loki,” Odin mumbled. “Where are you going?” His words were slurred and jumbled together.

“I was actually going--”

“Were you going to see your daughter?” Odin asked playfully. You flinched. This was not going to end well.

“Well, yes, and more accurately my wife.” You could sense Loki’s apprehension.

“I don’t understand it,” Odin laughed roughly.

“Well, you see, by wife I mean the woman I married,” Loki answered sarcastically.

“I know what a wife is, boy,” Odin bellowed. “Don’t be smart with me. I mean that I don’t understand how someone like you could ever--” 

“What?” Loki spat, suddenly angry. “What do you mean someone like me?”

Odin laughed again and you heard Loki take in a sharp breath. 

“You’re not like us,” Odin taunted. “You never have been. You’ve always been weak. You’ve never amounted to anything. So how is it that you have both a wife and a child now?”

You fought the urge to jump out from behind the corner. You wanted to spring to Loki’s defense - remind him that he wasn’t what his father had just said. You nearly did, in fact, until Loki spoke and surprised you.

“That’s not true,” Loki said lowly. “And do you know how I know that?”

“I--” Odin started, but Loki cut him off.

“I know that because they have taught me to love myself. And by the way, that’s what real fathers should do, so don’t you dare talk to me about being weak. You’re the weak one 

You felt like applauding. You felt like running to Loki and throwing your arms around him. All those times you thought you hadn’t broken through to him about how truly amazing he was… apparently you were wrong. 

You could sense that Odin was thrown off guard. He wasn’t expecting his son to retaliate like that to his bullying. 

“Then they’re as delusional and pathetic as you are,” Odin said weakly. 

You heard what you thought might be hands clutching fabric and then Loki spoke with that quiet intensity he had mastered.

“Don’t you ever talk about my family that way again.”

There was a pause and then Loki must have released Odin because he spoke again.

“I don’t know what they see in you,” Odin said. You heard his footsteps walking away and heard Loki draw in another deep breath. 

Your legs were barely holding you and you silently thanked Rose for not making a sound during the argument. You wanted to collapse onto the ground and think through what just happened, but you heard Loki’s steps walking towards you. 

Should you run? You probably shouldn’t have eavesdropped. Would he be angry at you for doing so? It would probably look worse if you ran. Before you could come to a decision, Loki rounded the corner. He was walking so quickly he probably wouldn’t have noticed you if you hadn’t stepped out into his way. He hit your side and turned. Once he realized it was you, his face dropped.

He sighed deeply as you searched his face for some kind of sign as to how to act. He looked… sad. He rested his hands on your arms and pressed a gentle kiss to Rose’s head.

“Come,” he said quietly. He slipped his hand around your waist and led you to your room.

There were a million responses swimming around in your mind but none escaped your lips. You hadn’t noticed before but he was carrying something in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around you - a book.

Once inside your room, you were at a loss of what to do. Sit? Stand?

You settled for putting Rose down in her crib, avoiding looking at Loki who had stayed close to the door when you entered. 

Once Rose was settled, you turned to him hesitantly. He lowered his chin to his chest in exasperation.

You didn’t think, you just ran to him. You tilted his chin up and kissed him, standing on your tiptoes to do so. He didn’t reject you as you thought he might, but instead embraced you, letting out all of his stress into your kiss.

When you pulled back, you still saw that sadness in his eyes. You led him over to the bed, ready to talk. You waited for him to say something first and he did.

“How much of that did you hear?” he asked, already knowing. 

“Everything,” you confirmed. “I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s okay… I guess you can say it.”

“What?”

“I told you so,” Loki half-smiled. “You were right about him.”

“I’m not happy about that,” you answered.

“Neither am I,” he admitted. He grabbed your hand. “I am sorry.”

You leaned forward and rested your forehead against his.

“I was actually on my way to tell you that before…” he couldn’t even label what just happened. “I was bringing you this… as an apology for what I said last night. I didn’t mean it… I was just,” he sighed, “I haven’t done that in a long time.”

“I know,” you said, smiling sympathetically. “I was thinking that too.”

“I was going to give you this,” he extended the book to you. “It’s a first edition, signed by the author. 

You looked closely at the cover and realized it was the book that you and Loki had originally bonded over during the beginning of your relationship. A smile spread across your face.

“It was quite difficult to track down,” he admitted.

You held the old book in your hands carefully and pressed your nose to it, inhaling that delicious smell.

“It’s amazing, Loki.”

He smiled half-heartedly.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said. “And I hope you can forgive me.”

“Yes,” you answered and he met your gaze. “Of course I can. 

He smiled although his eyes remained heavy.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you offered.

“There’s not much to say,” Loki shrugged. You could have written volumes on that shrug alone. Of course there was a lot to say. “He doesn’t love me. He never will. I thought maybe…” he trailed off, looking at Rose. 

“She can’t fix everything,” you whispered.

“I know,” he answered just as softly. “I thought that maybe…” he couldn’t bring himself to think of the possible validation. “You wondered why I needed his approval,” he said suddenly.

You remembered the other night when you had indeed voiced that question.

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” you offered.

“I think it’s just that… he’s always talked about how he saved my life and I’ve always felt that as a burden, like I owed him something. I thought maybe if I proved myself worthy… that burden would lessen.” 

“You don’t owe him anything, Loki. And besides, your worth does not revolve around him.”

He smiled. 

“I know that now,” he said, looking at you. “I didn’t realize it until I said it… I mean, I knew you had taught me how to love… I just didn’t realize that involved loving myself.”

You nuzzled his neck and sighed, planting a kiss where you rested.

“I love you so much,” you said softly.

He held you close to him.

“I love you too, little one.”

You both turned your gaze to Rosalia who was resting comfortably in her crib. She looked back at the two of you. One day you would have to tell her the story of her mother and father. There would be many chapters of course. But you knew, by the time you told it, and even now, that the story would always have a happy ending.


	38. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you what your love and support has meant to me over the course of writing this fic. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy this little epilogue. 
> 
> And please let me know if you have any ideas for another fic in another fandom or whatever because I love writing stuff but I'm not sure what to write after this!
> 
> Much love <3

You saw his eyes light up when her first word was, "Daddy." You saw his heart melt and his love for her consume him completely. While you were the light of his life, so Rosalia was the stars and the moon. The revelation of his transformation warmed you. You had changed each other. And Rose had changed you both for good. He loved her so much it was incredible. You could content yourself with watching him play with her for eternity.

**

When she started to walk was when Loki started teaching her magic. You smiled fondly at the memory of walking into your room and seeing Loki running after twelve visions of your daughter. One came running to you and you picked her up as the rest of the illusions faded. Loki sat on the floor, wheezing from chasing around his daughter and her magic. The smirk on his lips was mirrored on her delicate face.

**

You would always remember when Thor tried to teach Rose how to cook. You heard a loud bang and ran to the kitchen only to find them both completely covered in flour and on the floor in a fit of giggles.

**

You remembered when she grew up to a bright young woman. You remembered how Loki would pace the room, fretting and venting to you about his concerns. The young boys were taking notice, he had said. You smiled and told him you didn't think that would be an issue. You remembered his face then and again later when Rose came home one day, introducing a fine young woman as her girlfriend.

**

When Thor got engaged, the kingdom celebrated. The kingdom, of course, but not Odin. Thor had chosen to marry someone not of noble birth, but of noble character.

**

When Odin died soon after the engagement, there was a funeral, but no tears. Although it was a loss, even for Loki, things seemed to get better afterwards. Loki relaxed in a way you'd never seen before.

**

Although you did not have any more children, your marriage continued to be the solid foundation it always had been. You often visited your tree and greeted its new blossoms and new life with a smile.

**

You found your passion in writing and became quite the well known author in the kingdom. Loki was extremely proud and always wanted to discuss your novels with you.

**

You had found immense peace in this life with Loki. He was your strength as you were his. You made each other whole. You had given him a daughter and he had become an amazing father. You grew old together. You laughed together and you cried together. You made love. You lived. You were happy.

**

The end


End file.
